The summer sun shines on your face
And I can see you smile
And I feel like the luckiest girl
To be holding our hand for a while
Half the time it feels like
I'm the one to hold your heart
The other half it feels like I don't even know who you are.
And I,
When push comes to shove.
And I,
It's heart to see
Invisible Love.

Sometimes I dig in the past
Like toes in the sand searching for the cool damp of the ocean’s kiss
I want to feel the things I felt before
See the memories like movie screens across my eyes
The love that I shared
With each and every shining constellation
Some brighter than others
But pinpoints in my sky
The homes that I had
The comfort that only exists in the caverns of my mind
The joy and the sorrow and the blinding hot pain
The mistakes and the triumphs and the life that I’ve made
It all considered, I’d never change a ******* day
But what day was the best that I had?
Which life was the one that was bad
Who’s kiss was the one
I should of held on to
Whose soul was made
Of the same parts as mine
In the end it’s as insignificant as the seconds that pass by without my notice
Nothing at the time,
But everything in the end.

There is music in me
Bursting, aching, leaking
I'm singing involuntarily
Crying like an addict
Who hasn't used in months

History repeats itself
Over, and over, and over
A father is always farther
How many times
Can one dad die

I try to strum the chords
But my fingernails bleed
I try to sing the words
Out of my wasted vocal chords
But this rotten, useless music
Was his to pass down
And mine to drown in

A heart that feels too much
And can't beat a single time
Without bleeding on his hands
Dripping in his eyes
Always blind to see
The pain of this consuming me.

At times when mirrors are strangers and freckles under eyes and on hands are shadows or dirt

In depths when the heart is a void and the earth is a slippery place

In places of hollows and dark are more recognizable than the light that you see and the voices you hear

In worlds where memories lie and whisper you home once again

Where did I go? What love is this, for no one and nothing and perhaps not even me

The past and the future and the present have no boundaries, and mean nothing to me anyway

I’m lost, but who is looking for me? If not even myself?

Your face is imprinted on my mind
Like the sun behind closed eyes
Do you feel it?
That smolder; that simmer in your gut
That tells you that just a glance is not enough
I want you taste you, know the flavor of your skin
I want to know the frequency of the world you’re living in
I see the parallels between us and know they’re true
But how it’s hard to start something like this from something new
I want to scrub my hands over the stubble on your cheek,
Stare into your sea green eyes and make you weak
I want to know you as a soul and as a body and as a mind
I want to be the girl you wanted to find
Can you feel it? In every day, every passing hour
The magnetism, the spark
The flame that won’t turn sour
Maybe it’s an illusion
Sand swept away by the sea
But I can tell the fire in you
Is aflame by the spark in me

Flashbacks
Is that what you call them?
It’s PTSD
Apparently
But it feels more like dreams
When I slip away
And all I can feel is the exact texture of your skin
The feel of the dining hall paper cup on my tongue
The ginger ale mixed with whatever
The sound of the songs we would listen to
Over and over
Because we loved them
We felt the bass in our bones
The timbre in our lungs
The lyrics reverberated from our throats
Everyone else would find this repetitive
We found this human
To endure through a song that made you feel alive
To let it slip around you like water
As our bodies submerged into one
With no clear end or beginning
Of the action or the thought
When did our hearts sour
When did that action turn evil
When did you touch me and have me turn to stone
Instead of spark me to life
Not willingly, but for survival
Like spitting the poison that once was wine
I remember those embraces late at night
Or in rivets during the day
Our faces turned to the mirror
My body pressed to the carpet
As yours pressed to my skin
And we watched each other
The animal fire in our eyes
The feeling that no one ever would feel this
We would never feel this
But with each other
And never again