I now fear the act of writing
These things I have to say
Jotting them down, scribbling them out
Folding into secrecy, stowing them away
Slipping an array of papers into a back pocket
Or resort to hiding them under the bed
Doing everything and anything in my power
To get these thoughts out of my head

For if I write down these musings,
Set them into words sturdy, finite, and clear
Then I will have to face the truth hidden in catharsis
And that is what I ultimately fear—
A hidden meaning behind my words
Thus far lurking, but now they show
Leaping off the page, consuming me whole
Something, about myself, I didn’t want to know

I couldn’t define it.
Words tricked from my lips
A babbling brook of incoherence
Grasping for phrases, attempting to capture
Something so perfectly intangible.

I couldn’t build walls around it
Hold onto and confine it
With explanations and reasoning
Boundaries of sanity, a cushion of protection

I just couldn't find a way
To nestle it away safely
Within the recesses of my soul
Amongst the other “boxes” I’ve created
To compartmentalize life.

I found your brother
As I went for a walk
Through the grass and marble
We had our silent talk
He listened wordlessly
And caught my tears
Even though he couldn't speak
He unmasked your fears
Leaving him a flower,
I cleaned up his headstone
I said goodbye to a boy I will never meet
Understanding why you feel alone