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May 2015 · 327
to sleep
Hanna Elizabeth May 2015
the only reason he hated to leave my bed was the four inch memory foam mattress pad. it wasn't because I was there next to him. or because we were there together. the only thing that kept him coming back was the four inch space between what connected me to the world and kept me alive before I was born and the place he liked to call his home. and it wasn't my heart he was taking or the time he was taking that I cared about. it was my body. it was how he would roll over when he was finished and I'd scratch his back until I couldn't feel my fingertips. it was the way he'd ask and I'd say yes because. wait. I don't know why. now he's found another four inches. and the only reason I sleep in this bed is the four inch memory foam mattress pad. otherwise...all I can feel is him.
Jan 2015 · 282
Next
Hanna Elizabeth Jan 2015
And just like that
In just one breath...
In the time it took for a set of eyes to turn red
And
A mouth to go dry...
My best friend was gone.
Hanna Elizabeth Jan 2015
I just woke up from a dream.
You pushed me off a cliff.
I think it was my subconscious telling me
there were some unanswered questions.
Beating a dead horse is no ones cup of tea.
But my brain hurts
(as it often does)
and I don't think I changed throughout.
You were special to me,
and I to you.
I guess I never understood it.
Maybe it's not for me to understand.
I don't want you to resent me.
I also don't want you pushing me off any more cliffs.
Jan 2015 · 257
No Resolutions
Hanna Elizabeth Jan 2015
I promised to love myself and myself only...

Then I promised to under promise
and
over-deliver
so
I took that promise back.

I decided I wouldn't hope for a new year to be better
because
I'd gotten further than I ever could
have dreamed
I had.

Promises are strange things anyway...
Words sent out into the universe
hoping
a star or a comet will
latch on to them
and take them somewhere.
Maybe
that's why there are so many stars in the sky.

Another year is gone
and
I'm a little teary.

I've promised things
and
been promised to
and
I can't remember even one of them.

But lately...
I've been looking at myself a little different.
Loving
who I'm becoming.
So,
I'm not promising.

I'm just....
working...
on enjoying where I go.

Tomorrow could be different.

I could take all these words back
but
it's now that matters
and
all I'm saying is...
I'm not looking back.
Dec 2014 · 428
Unimaginably Small
Hanna Elizabeth Dec 2014
And sometimes I just want to cry. Not because I'm sad.
But because the universe is so big and there isn't a big enough word to describe it.
And I'm so small and there isn't a small enough word to describe that.
I want to cry but not because I'm lost. I want to cry because there are so many people who are.
I want to shake them and tell them
"we're only here for a second".
You only need one thing, anyway.
One thing to remind you how small you are.
But that one thing has to be what lifts you up, makes you stands taller...reminds you that no matter how small you are in the universe, you are big to someone.  
I want to cry because I've been lost but it's happening. Here. Now.
And there's nothing I can do or say to stop it.
I want to cry for the time I lost when I was lost and there isn't enough time for that.
We're here for a second and I don't want to cry about that.
I want to cry about how many beautifully exquisite things there are to see and I want to shake the hands of the men and women who made it that way.
I know there isn't enough time for that either.
So maybe instead I'll cry tears of joy that the people I see in photographs and on television are part of my team.
That they are small, just like me and they got to see something I may never see.
And that's okay with me.
Because I'll feel things like they don't feel and see things they don't see, too. Because that's the way it works.
We cry and we laugh. We scream and we whisper. We run and then we crawl.  
All because we want to do it all.
I don't want to do it all.

I just want to keep being a part of the team.
Dec 2014 · 358
Untitled
Hanna Elizabeth Dec 2014
Carefully placed footsteps and
mismatched heartbeats
perfectly disguise
my anxiety.
Too many nights in
a concrete square-
setting fire to photographs and
brain cells.
This will not be
about you leaving
But rather-
about me
staying here.
A hug in exchange for
a kiss and I'm left
thirsty...
             (what the hell went so wrong?)
Made-up stories about
Jack and Jill and
arguing who got to wear the crown
Well I - desperately -
wanted to let you win.
Carefully laid bed sheets
mocking the warmth I felt next to you
and you...
               (laying and lying next to me)
felt like those mismatched heartbeats
were too much.
Jul 2014 · 329
I hope it wasn't him
Hanna Elizabeth Jul 2014
Maybe I wasn’t expecting him to hug me so tight.
We were really only friends, except for that one time…
But he came around the corner with a huge grin on his face, I made him a pie.
I barely got my arms around him and all of a sudden my breath was gone.
Such a simple chain of gestures: food, grin, hug.
And just as I never expected I was back together, whole again.

I hope sometimes you just have to have the breath taken out of you.
I hope it wasn’t just him.
Mar 2014 · 223
Untitled
Hanna Elizabeth Mar 2014
Sometimes we get so busy, trying to find ourselves,
all we do is look inward.
Sometimes we get so busy, looking inside ourselves,
we forget how to look out and observe.
Sometimes we completely lose track of our surroundings,
we stand with arms open, the world in constant motion.
Sometimes it's okay to not say a word, be completely silent,
we fade into the furthest background.
Only then can we start to slow down, enter back into reality,
all we have to do is find where we are.
Sometimes we don't like where we are, it's frustrating and inhibits us,
we forget how to look for inspiration.
Sometimes all we do is think about money, how it never comes,
we sit with palms open, waiting for it to appear.
Sometimes all we do is think about fame, all that it would change,
when we must already be famous to someone.
Forever we must remember who we are, listen to that voice,
let it get all fired up and tell us what we need.
Forever we have to look out at the world, no matter how long we've been here,
we remember there is always something beautiful to be found.
For the rest of whatever we have to, no matter how little time,
take a moment to let it all be still.
Sometimes in that quiet moment, when we have found ourselves,
all we can do is be content.
Feb 2014 · 248
Before I Sleep
Hanna Elizabeth Feb 2014
I always think of you before I sleep.

The words you said,
the way you looked.
The things we laughed to and
the ones that made us cry.
The moments of chaos,
the hours of silence-
the still between every breath.

I'll think of you before I sleep.

Pull down your side,
Let you stumble in.
The warmth of your skin and
the way you always said "goodnight".
Run my hand where it's cold now,
embrace this silence-
The still between my breaths.

I'll dream of you when I sleep.

Close my eyes,
Imagine you're here.
The words you said,
The way you looked.
You're not here now,
But it's all about you-
It's always been about you.
Mar 2012 · 552
Fall to your knees
Hanna Elizabeth Mar 2012
Wouldnt it be nice
To spin in circles,
Laugh again
From the bottom of our bellies,
A full and wholesome thing
That catches us,
Makes us find our center
Before we fall to the ground.

Wouldn't it be nice
To have no cares in your world,
Breathe again
Without fear of what the next
Breath will bring,
Seems like now it's all we do,
Reality strikes at us
Before we fall on our face.

Wouldn't it be nice
To believe in something bigger,
Have faith again
From the bottom of our hearts,
A full and wholesome thing
That catches us,
Makes us find our center
Before we fall to our knees.
Aug 2011 · 731
We're all covered in skin
Hanna Elizabeth Aug 2011
Look at you, all covered in skin.
From head to toe, letting nobody in.
You think you're smart, well I am too
You're not that good, you don't have me fooled.
You see, behind all that muscle
And bone that helps you stand,
I see something bigger, a stronger,
Bolder man.
And with every breath, you breathe me in deep
But still will refuse that its with me that you sleep.
Behind all that pride,
And selfishness to boot,
I've got something better, stronger it seems.
I've got your love,
And I've got its deep roots.
Aug 2011 · 353
Untitled
Hanna Elizabeth Aug 2011
You can't make me write,
It won't help you know,
The things that are in my sight,
That things that won't let go.
I'll tell you all day long,
In the hopes that you may see,
You have always been wrong,
And you have left me,
alone with me.
Jul 2011 · 371
five more months
Hanna Elizabeth Jul 2011
A fiery breath is gone into the cold,
And I stop to think,
This could never grow old.
His touch is laced with perfect bliss,
A kiss, a smile,
I could get used to this.
I hold his hand, I hold on tight,
Nothing, no nothing,
Could ruin this night.
But here they come, its an army they've formed,
No kiss, no smile,
Could stop this storm.
The letters we send have to be enough,
And when they day comes,
It will be enough.
The passion in a lovers heart,
Grows warmer and warmer
When its torn apart.
So we'll sing loud proud and true,
When all these storms,
Lead me back to you.
The love I shared with this young man is one I cannot compare to anything else.
The love my mother has for me has never been questioned.
The love my father has for me has never been questioned.
However it is these people who should see the beauty in this love who have torn it into a million pieces.
Someday I'll forgive, but I promise I won't ever forget.
Love is powerful and takes time.
I'm young, I'm brave...I guess I'll just have to take mine.
Jul 2011 · 790
Be Fearless
Hanna Elizabeth Jul 2011
Every step you take gets you somwhere,
Every breath could be your last,
So why, why in the world
Are we so afraid,
To step outside and breathe in deep?
I'm guilty of it, I've lived
Afraid and with regret.
It may come again, but
remember, bad things happen to even
The best people.
Those good people don't always
Get what they deserve.
But I hope it never stops them, from doing
What makes them happy.
We all would hope to be the exception,
When we are only rules.
Rules made to be bent, twisted,
Broken into a million pieces.
Be proud, be determined.
Please, I'm begging you...

Be fearless.
Jul 2011 · 538
Too Good to Say
Hanna Elizabeth Jul 2011
All the letters I won't ever send
Tell you the things I apprehend
I keep them quiet in my mind
But send them out as little signs.

I wonder if you will ever see,
The secrets I keep inside of me.
I wonder if they will ever last,
They remind me so much of the past.

But I"ll lock them tight,
Keep them out of your sight.
Afraid that I may slip and fall,
I simply ignore all your calls.

Its easy now to keep them away,
While the life I lead is calm at bay.
You think that I am wrong,
But I am oh-too-strong.

To give in to all your guilt,
To cry over whats been spilled.
You the the things I think are great,
Are simply me ignoring fate.

But if fate is what is calling me,
I hope that you will open up and see.
That afraid that I may slip and fall,
I simply ignore all your calls.

Its easy now to keep them away,
While the life I lead is calm at bay.
I am happy now and I have pride,
That he is happy by my side.

And all those letters I never sent,
Told you the things I would apprehend.
Now no stone goes unturned,
Because all those letters have been burned.

And I'm not scared that I'll slip and fall,
Now there's no need to answer a call.
I have nothing now to keep away,
The life I lead is too good to say.

— The End —