Theresa

Theresa Apr 2019

Secrets

I left my shoes last night behind a sign
In the dark
They were too tall
Slowing down my swag
And I was high enough
On my cloud
Of my beauty,
My joy and excitement for the things in my life
And the secret victory I keep as if in my pocket
A weight to keep me grounded at this party

But a man needed something
And though I know it wasn't on me
To give him anything
I reached in my pocket,
Gave my special secret a squeeze of hesitance

But because he needed a light of his own
I finally decided to show him the light I had been hiding
Because it was mine

And after my reveal,
As if I handed it to him in secret delight he'd hold it with care
And study it with excitement and curiosity

But instead he couldn't even hold it.
He gave a simple, 'huh'
He looked at its shape and brushed it off like he'd seen one before
As if he knew what was right for me
And my pockets, my secrets, my surprises and feelings

So I put the shadowed secret,
Dimmed of any light
Back in my pocket in pieces

And as I walked my sad walk of regret and question
Why I gave into the pressures and pulls that were not mine to heed to

I looked behind the sign.
Someone had taken the shoes

I'm sure they'll be put to better use
I won't miss them
But I did already miss the light by my side keeping me afloat

I sat in my car with only a lump in my throat
Afraid to reach in and find no hope for repair
Perhaps the pieces had shattered into sharp shards
Waiting to cut me
What others would want for a weapon
When all I wanted was a gift

Before finally checking the damage

I jumped into words
And as I said the secret's script and story
I finished with tears
And a warm glow started to light my dark car

I slowly crept my hand by my side
On the base of my stitched pocket

Ah! My secret had found it's way back home

So, somewhere there's someone walking tall
In the highest of heels

I hope they won't give up their new gift
Which was hid in secret
And they won't give into giving other things they don't want give

Perhaps they are gliding tall with grace
As I and my pocket start to fly again

Theresa Jan 2019

I had a thought

Am I not dreaming enough?
Did I dream too much?
Left the present to live in an imagined future
and potentially lost awareness
in how sick I was getting.
Like my breathing rhythms grew stale
cuz they didn't have attention of the now.
I was off playing in fantasy land too often,
leaving behind what the here was trying to tell me

Or is it in this time of illness and panic,
all I need to do is dream a little harder,
a little bigger,
a little better.
And that will be the key to getting out of this swirling cycle,
and into an open free space of choice
and joy
and vitality

Theresa Jan 2019

November Rain

The happy rain,
Hope well.
Shindig and bread,
That's ya Sunday

Slept with all feels of rejuvenation

Transparency open communication

You're the it

Last this out.
"Wow"

She had known sweet
And that dreams keep

Oh, bed
And

GAWD!

Stuff...
Chances, backpack, skateboard?
Worries figure out spots

Still, my lake view
Your 'Ah'
Abandon
Porch!

Thinking maybe a movie
But rain first

Theresa Dec 2018

Whole

Cuz when I show you my full self
It makes me more in tune in the times I'm not
And when I show you my full self
And you hold it in the way you do
It makes me wanna be no other
And when I show you my full self
And you love it in the way you do
It makes me wanna love it myself

And that, my friend,
Is the greatest gift

Theresa Dec 2018

Transform

Make who accepts you
For, you can have
Let the stars pull

Theresa Dec 2018

A Different Study

My major:
For the rest of this November,
Is to be love
Written in chalk
On a black & white brick wall

My minor:
An almost cartoon imagined lake
That has thousands of pieces of sand & dirt
Leading up to the bluest of waters,
Whatever that means,
Leading up to an almost impossible walk-way on that water
Leading up to a far off pristine city
In front of the undeniably patient mountains
Leading up to that edible sky

And I will learn so much

Theresa Dec 2018

Magic Brain

I very well just may be a superhero
Of my own destiny
A ‘Magic Brain’ if you will
That can create any dream
Any fantasy
Any visualization
Into actual lived-out experience
I see the beauty in my own life
Digest its observance in my mind
Translate it into curated eye candy
And in that powerful recycling mechanism
I somehow manifest it
Into breathing moments by me
And I’m met with disbelief of how lucky I am
To receive it
To have done it myself
To be connected to the Universe so strongly
To believe in myself enough to actualize it all
And then a swarm of gratitude rushes in
Towards all those same things
And for the power I behold
In this current vessel
And as I embrace the unfolding movie
That of course always looks different in real life
But in most cases
Finds themselves to be beyond
Magical
Blissful
Organic
Deep
Exhilarating
Warming
Than what I had sketched into color with my cells
I then even take snapshots of those real time marvels
And package the same seeds into more of the
Ditches and crevices of my yearnings
And thus the magic continues

...But with all of our lights,
There is a shadow
And because I’m able to take in such
Beauty and truth
Essence and emotion
To formulate my future in this way
I can’t help but also take in
The ugly and the harm
Stress and deep pain
Which overtakes my body in its holding
And because my mind is unique
In its innocence
And natural draw to positivity
My Magic Brain takes a stand
In not recycling
These same donated difficulties from the outside
And closes up shop on the factory
For that dark magic
Would never get through
In the ways in which this machine was built
And so it sticks in my vessel
Like clogged pipes
And the longer I keep it
Intertwined with my insides
It will hide
Attach
Try to grow
And in time
Needs an absolute relief from the confinement
And so…
It finds it's way
Scratching and scarring through my colon
Blistering out my lips
Slicing itself in tiny shards
And dissolving out the skin
Draining my energy in the fight
Playing tricks and cruel jokes
On my immune system
And telling riddles to my mind
In attempts to manipulate blame
But that does not mean
My gift is gone
It is only the flip side
Of this shiny coin I discovered
As a little girl
And have made it a fun practice
To polish it so often
And I wonder now
If I can use this same superpower
My ‘Magic Brain’
To heal its very own device
To see healing
In order to take it in
To feel it
In order to regenerate it
For future reality
To eventually then become my inevitable present
If I could take these effervescent
Complex textured
And layered colors
Of the sky
Painting these mountains
That hold this ocean
Creating what I perceive with these eyes
In this moment
And somehow ingest it
Or wash over me
Or soak into me
Or consume my breath
To inhale
I think I could repair this machine
Un-barricade this vessel
Heal this body
Re-ignite this spirit
And get back to playing
With my magic powers
As I wish