Papers line the walls
Books line the shelves
Instruments I'd delivered
Stand by themselves

Pens & papers from the desk
Lie scattered on the floor
You look me in the eye
As you move to close the door

I feel your hands on my back
Flow like water down my waist
I turn, my hands on your chest
To see in your eyes a look of haste

Clothes, still warm, on the floor
Lying on the desk without a breath
I hesitate to touch you
Knowing this is the first of many deaths

Your practiced hands touch me
Amble from my shoulders to my thighs
Slide so gently between them
I let out the first of many sighs

You come ever so close
Your breath hot on my skin
My heart beats in places unknown
When, suddenly, you're in

In this moment, not you or I
Are with the one we're supposed to be
That lying one in the corner
He tempted you and me

You move inside me, it's all I can do
Not to cry out from this
Pain, pleasure, shame, joy
Instead I give you our first and last kiss

Your hands are electric on my body
It almost covers up the shame
Your lips move, you whisper
A song that is my name

Your name comes, burns like fire
From my throat to my lips
We give in to our passions
Though neither of us can commit

Together we sigh
And one becomes two
We dress in silence
Again I look at you

Behind me I reach for the door
Wondering how this lie I will feign
When once more your eyes pierce mine, saying
"Haley, we must do this again."

He sits, twenty-six
Alone with his guitar
A wife and kids

A new chord he strums
For a song well worn
Easy to learn

His voice carries it passionately
His one, adult heart
Still burns with a love long lost

The sleeping poet's eyes
Awaken to this symphony
They burn with tears of sympathy

She leans down to reach
And scoop up the rubies on the floor
An accident, one might guess

She picks up the phone
Just to hear his voice again
His face is lost beyond memory

The ring is low and easily missed
He hardly beats the machine
A breath too late, the line is cut

Still he sits, twenty-six
Alone with his guitar
Wife and kids, a dream

Everyone knows that we’re racist
Everyone expects us to hate
But what they expect of us more
Is that we clean our plates.

I feel the steady hum
Of my blood against my veins
As my mind travels
To places of love & illicit affairs

Heavy breath and pleasure
My mind tempts my senses
I feel so bound
I wish I'd never made promises

Anonymity and biology tease me
I long for sleepless nights
I yearn for your anatomy
But do I want the shame?

Fast and thick it comes in sheets
Its sound is the same as tiny feet
Dust to mud, calm to thunder
Metal and wood we hide under

Curtains drawn and shutters closed
Most on a rainy day take repose
At my window I stand tall
My greatest joy is watching rain fall

Thick clouds mask the sky's blue smile
Lightening rages, the calm's defiled
Each new drop has its own story
But no one listens, they only worry

In a world so cheap and broken
From the TV's glare we can't be awoken
We think nature has nothing new to bring
Still the rain falls, replenishing everything

Your first position of power
Feeling you don't get the respect
You think you deserve
I almost pity you

Treating us like dogs
But with a guise of politeness
"Ma'ams" and "pleases" can't hide your contempt
Your patronizing tone washes it all away

Doctors bark at you, you say?
Patients don't respect you?
Poor you, you deserve the world
Right, try being us for a day

Your lying mouth never stops
Complaining, explaining
As if we're completely ignorant
As if we can fix your problems

Your favorite activity
The one at which I roll my eyes
Is telling us how much you hate
The profession YOU chose

Perhaps you're just upset
That all our young minds
Can change our paths
Nothing for us is set in stone

Condescending, you sneer
"I am your boss"
*****, you've been here
Less time than I have

What gives you the right
To judge these people?
Sure, they're self-entitled
Demanding and belittling

But have you looked in the mirror lately?

Because you were mine
I walked the line
The line that you Drew
I followed all your rules

I accepted all of you
Our differences, your flaws
Something I never got in return
I didn't notice, because of you

I accepted your faith
Embraced it and your friends
You hated mine
Suggested I leave it behind

And all those things swept under the rug
That only you and I know
I did those too
Because you'd dreamed I would

I left behind a dream of mine
Because your friends were waiting
I had fun, I did
Was it because you said I would?

And the day you decided to give up
Let me do all the work
Yours was a "reasonable cause"
I relaxed, because I had to trust you

And if I still cursed
You know what I'd say
But I gave that up too
Because you asked me to

Because you were mine
I never saw these as unfair
I let you bring my faults to light
Now how does it feel, lover?

Shot and bleeding I was found lying on the pavement
As I watched his ****** footprints walk away
Pinned to the ground by Cupid's deadly arrow
Blood pooling faster with every breath

I laid in this state for quite a while
Swollen eyes searching, ****** hands grasping
For a heart that was not bleeding
For a hand that was not shaking

Quietly you laid down beside me
Pointed to the worn arrow in your chest
Your eyes searched for a way to save me
My eyes cast shadows of doubt

It must have been when I looked away
My backstabbing hands took out your knife
Or your idealistic hands painted over the wound
And suddenly you were healed

I looked down to my own arrow
Irregularly spitting blood, still throbbing
And let out a sigh of self pity
Why could I fix him, and not he me?

As I realized a heart too battered
Incapable and not ready to love
Fluttered weakly in my chest
I reached again for my bow and quiver

With tearful eyes you watched me get to my feet
Lined up in my sights, you whispered "Why?"
I closed my eyes, let out the arrow and a sigh
And heard you fall

Clutching my bleeding heart, I walked away
Tried not to hear you gasp and call my name
My ****** footprints left you behind
And I let the cycle begin again

Unanswered questions
A poet in defeat
Once quick-running rivers
Silenced in a beat

Vain pride holds me back
From telling you how I feel
Acid fear and a lack of strength
Another night will steal

My eyes, depths which you've plunged
Hold secrets, this is true
Other men implore, bang on the doors
But I see only you

The pain of a double edged sword
Is lessened, the drip of blood is slow
Sapient man tells me I'm being controlled
Up until then, I hadn't known

Maybe it's been too long to imagine
Maybe it's been too long to keep dying
All the same I think it's wrong
Maybe that's just the broken strings I'm tying

My voice comes out in twos and threes
I see your face in leaves on trees
Eyes behind me I can't recognize
Since that night I tell no lies

Days and nights to swallow pills
A silent love song that slowly kills
With shaking knees I feel the shame
For anything wrong, I am to blame

Your head on mine, my nerves on fire
Clothed in shadows, I walk the wire
Beginner's luck, I am a klutz
Something better than painted-on cuts

Small-town feast, we tread the outskirts
I feel privileged to be the first
Pink and green and brown, our eyes
I hate it most when we exchange goodbyes

A sea of waving green and grey
Bows and bends in our path
In warmth and comfort we'll catch disease
One so sweet we'll let it rage

To the unknown holes beneath our feet
We'll cast insecurities
And to the wall of white above
We'll go, looking for the sunrise

I'll bet my frozen toes on love again
You sing me chopped up ballads
And throw material goods into the distance
Because, right now, we're all we need

We're a tangled mess of underfed limbs
Eyes hidden, smiles wide
We've heard the words many times
But there's no place I'd rather be

A failed attempt, dissapointing ending
But I've yet to be let down in you
Your head on my chest, listen to the heartbeats
Your own are toomuch to ignore

Here in this last place untouched by us
In your eyes I see flowers bloom
You touch my lips, the heavens tremble
For you, I'd give anything

It's not him I cry over
It's the principle of it all
Failure after failure after failure
I won't find what I'm looking for

Don't tell me not to worry
As you answer your lover's call
They may say I'm beautiful
But clearly that's not enough

I'm tired of being ****** around
Always the initiator
Can I just find someone to want me?
Can I please just find love?

Tearstained cheeks and a broken smile
It's what I've been wearing for quite a while
Because I'm just so **** confused
And with you I can't say I'm amused

"I like his friend," I say with a guilty air
I'll send us to ruins, no surprise there
My days will be stuck in a funk
While yours will be lowly and drunk

I wasn't made to break hearts, you know
With my hands on yours, I'm taking it slow
Who knows, maybe I've got feelings left
But I think they're gone in a blonde theft

As I sit and ponder, all the fears just swirl
And with a sad song they pour out of this girl
A few tears and a wide array
Of pictures, memories and a few great days

I've remorse for the times I've not been true
And all the faults I tried to give you
If this does end, I hope we're both happy
It was never you, it really is me

Painfully awake
All the lights from the city scapes
Blind my eyes
Your actions come as no surprise

Keep the meter running
Addictions I will be funding
Sharp words burn the skin
There's no way I could let you in

My tongue doesn't trip over big words
A lengthy list, you'd say I'm a nerd
Your lack of being secure
My attitude keeps me mature

A story that's just plain rude
Your sense of humor is simply crude
You expect me to forgive you
The truth is, I'm not in the mood

Take your friends with a grain of salt
None of my anger could be my fault
Sarcasm you devour and continue to assume
Taking advantage when good things bloom

None of this could be repaired
All the little things & this weather hasn't been fair
No more will I take your abuse
Now I guess I'm of no use

I love you.
Let's make that clear.
It's not because of you
That I stay away.
Though, I do have my reasons.

Sometimes I forget
Your unsung innocence
Caught up in gossip
Tearing apart your mother
I just can't trust her

My mother demands
Begs me to call yours
But if you knew her
Years ago, before you
You'd know why I make excuses

But when I see you
Wiggling in wonderland
My heart breaks
I can't enjoy your presence
Through all this distrust & angst

So, I'm sorry, love
But I need to see a change
In your airheaded mother
But I do love you.
Let's make that clear.

The morning light is crawling up my back
Waves of anticipation well up
The lights are on
I can't bring myself to go in

Your fingers make maps through my hair
Tall grass brushes my chin
Losing faith in things before me
Still, I'll forge on

Cold hands and colder feet
I'll tell you to listen, to dream on
Our heartbeats get all jumbled,
Yours and mine.

We'll make due with running on empty
A speed race of fingers and toes
I'll speak the truth, it's all I can say
You're way too good to me.

Streetlights click off one by one
The fog departs
Misty morning chills me
I can look straight at the sun

Dewdrops scatter from my windshield
The **** crows five times
I stretch my arms, touch the sunrise
The day begins

Leafless trees shudder in the breeze
A name is said, eyes wide
The name is hardly recognized
A life gone from a tongue that will tease

Dark black marker, a sign to mourn
Some who never knew him shed their tears
Sobs & sighs fill the halls here
A place in our hearts for a boy forlorn

No turning back when a bullet's released
Prayers sent for a soul in need
Whether heaven or hell waits for a mind diseased
Red eyes & solemn faces; a respectful deed

November day, silence fills the air
Hearts on our sleeves, love on our arms
Swollen eyes, no sounds to alarm
Only once he's gone, only then we care

For every one in a star-crossed pair
For every Juliet with her eyes on Romeo
There’s one somber, solitary figure
That dreams of holding love close

I’ve been told that I’m a goddess
Something mentioned only yesterday
My dominion, then, must be love
Unrequited, every step of the way

Pretend like you know me
Pretend like you’re true
Pretend like you love me
And I’ll pretend that he’s you

Oh, the make-believe in every story
When love’s sight is suddenly cleared
The ones you find your head in hands
And smiling through your tears

One gets good at changing the subject
And quickly damming up the seas
When another questions and worries
As to why, at night, you bleed

Pretend like you know me
Pretend like you’re true
Pretend like you love me
And I’ll pretend that he’s you

The pain is quiet, you toss and turn
And demons plague until you can’t sleep
In the stillness is a whisper,
’Take me away to fields of wheat.’

Rejection, at length, gets cumbersome
Hill after hill on a lonely trail
While strong eyes can bear the stares
The heart, inside, is frail

So pretend you can smile
Pretend you’re not blue
Pretend that you don’t care
And I’ll pretend I love you

Pure white, lazily it falls
Casting shadows on its brethren
Muffling any sound, any echo
Silencing my footsteps

I leave an impression for a time
Just like my stay on this earth
Sharp for now, lasting after I leave
But I know by morning
My footprints will be gone

I dropped the golden robes lined with lead
Upon hearing words I'd never read
Since finding Him these things I've learned
Things for which I used to yearn

When tears are streaming down your face
Know that your sins have been erased
When you're so lost that you can't speak
Fall into His love so deep

When your hands are red and raw and sore
Out from you God's love has poured
When it seems nothing can go wrong
He will join in your joyful song

When there's no one you can turn to
Know that He will never leave you
And when you leave this life behind
You'll find the Maker of All Mankind

My path is now so light and fair
The weight of sin I no longer bear
His love is mine; He paid the price
I gave up religion to follow Christ

Growing old at seventeen,
my future’s sneaking up on me.
I dont wanna continue, gotta be cautious.
Just thinking about it makes me grow nauseous.

On the floor, a flurry of darkened pages.
Tallying up the waste of my life’s wages.
On a sea of flattend trees I’ll float,
putting stamps on my suicide notes.

You tell me I’ve got talent, is it true?
It won’t appear on a different spinner’s loom.
A lack of inspiration holds me in duress,
I’ll give it to those who’ll clean up my mess.

You can fight; in whose ground lies the fault?
I’ll take all your words with a grain of salt.
Around my quiet castle I’ll build a moat,
and in the mail you’ll find my suicide notes.

A beauty in the eyes in your sockets,
yet there’s no picture to fit in my locket.
An agreement to fill a gaping spot,
I always fill that of second best, do I not?

Let out a laugh, you’d never believe this.
Tears cover your face in a fine mist.
Glancing out at the building snow,
Your white knuckled hands crush my suicide note.

I want to bad to look back
To live in that time again
Fifteen years will never be enough
Life pulls me along so fast

A clear voice in my head reminds me
There's not much left besides you
I listened then in darkness
I listen now in fluorescent light

I closed my eyes, waiting for you
That lovely summer of my demise
Though my life was crumbling
Still I was happy next to you

Winter now, I seldom see the stars
I crane my neck in search of solace
I convince myself I'm done as well
To fall asleep for once would be nice

You awoke at my violent shudders
Held me tight as I tried to sleep
What I thought was love glued me back together
Helped me up from my knees

Hopeless, still in love, I find
Only another man in love with another
Hard as I try, I fell for him too
Will this curse never end?

Take me back where its dark as pitch
The stars outshine the city
Take me so far into the woods
So far that I'll never get out

The harpie crows
As I settle my toes
'Neath the bleeding suicide tree

I look left and right
As packs of dogs race by
The harpie begins tearing leaves

I wait for the tears to stop
I wait for the blood to clot
All this coming from the suicide tree

Loneliness and fear
This is what brought me here
Slumped beneath the suicide tree

Again I search
For the sign of a first
Light, here in this life's debris

Blinded like I,
A man puts his hand in mine
And leads me away from the suicide tree

Unexpected as ever
I'm light as a feather
As he leads me away from the loss of me

Still I can't help but guess
That this isn't the best
And on weeps the suicide tree

Defeated mass of mangled limbs
Blood spreading on the floor
Tiny eyes forever unseeing
****** footprints to a white door

One hand on a Bible, a promise, a vow
Full lips promising lies
Claiming to do away with corruption
Voice falters, America's demise

Petroleum and sand, flames in the sky
Gunfire, explosions: the tenth crusade
Thousands lost, at first we begged
Now no one dares sing his acolades

Winter air hardens his breath
Does nothing to help a hardened heart
Most would say a gift, a miracle
A punishment you say, a life not allowed to start

You're good at sleeping all day
Just like your mother
Looking so much like my brother
So new to this world

So soft, you cry
A single shout
Or three, like you're laughing
God, how I love you

I think of all that
You'll be and I'm overwhelmed
I cry, so happy for you
What a prince you'll be

My lips touch your face
Your granny speaks of your soul
So new, fresh from heaven
I had no idea, no idea
How strong my love would be
For you, tiny saint.

Your smell is fading from your jacket
My ears lose the sound of your voice
My lips, alone, quiver for your touch
My hands turn blue in the biting cold

A few steps out of my life, you are
And already I'm walking backwards
In fantasy I crawl back into my hole
And the show tonight I see, none but fiction

My hand is less than existant, to him
Still, in my mind's eye, he holds it
He is a comfort, our pain is one, same
I smile as I say it, but my broken heart bleeds

A vase, knocked by a careless hand
I wish  my heart was fixed as easily
Shaking hands, superglue, whole again
So many scars, though so much less pain

As tightly as to a lifeline, I cling
To hopes and dreams false, now lost
Nothing is unfair as life
Except, maybe, an unanswered question

Concentration is all but gone in me
Any resemblance, any thought
At sight or sound another bruise blooms
Nothing holds as much poison as your name