i swore to myself
that a flick of the tongue
would never shelter self-hatred
so deeply embedded into the patchwork of my being.

contagion is a sad **** thing
and cycles seem to be an endlessly contributing factor
those who hurt cannot become hurt
and so we place our self-pity at the top of our priorities
disregarding emotion so carefully hidden in the fragile mind of others.
however there are few who's torment is only self-projected

i am one
an anathema that exists in silence

my past has been placed in a box full of secrets
along with the evidence of my self-mutilation
is there a way to keep my eyes shut and my dignity revealed?
this world is numb, and the apathy must be getting to me
because i would rather not feel a **** thing
than to be plagued by misery
from myself and the ones i love
however, emotions are not choices
and humans cannot be reprogrammed

it seems the pleas and slurs i leave in place of words
are what my familiars take to heart
bodies speak such complex languages
and not everyone has the patience
or the attentiveness
to listen to anything other than a cry

and although i warn
and beg for warmth
i receive only glaciers
and memories of faces
overwritten with impassivity
what i would give
to reach into the darkest parts of my soul
and rip out this sorrow
that has clung itself to the shadows of my psyche

in the depths of my worst memories
there is a wish
a want
a need
to take this heart of mine
and throw it to wolves
to be destroyed but desensitized
in my heart
is all my pity
my lust
my anger
my sadness
and sunshine darkened and gutted
so very long ago

Bubbling, sugars ignite and spit sweet white batter
then callous and cover
the thick cream that stews beneath.
Clouds pour snow and trees bequeath
blue spherical bliss
onto the wrinkled surface.

Center of
Everything
Center of
The universe
Center of
Life and earth
Center of
Heaven and mind
Center of
All knowing
Center of
Power and
Light in the
Vast and
Wonderful
World that
Lives in our
Minds eye
We see so
Much in
Our own
Center and
Thoughts
Knowing
The truth
As we go
Along as
We get
More
Centered
In life as
We move
Along in life
As our souls
Get closer to
That inner
Oneness
The inner
Knowing
Of all that
Comes from
Centering
Our minds
Thoughts
Intentions
Into one
Single
Point
Purpose
Goal
Heal
Grow
Learn
As you
Go along
Becoming
Closer to
Finding
The divine
Oneness
That comes
From love

I'm sleeping with bad news
Or the same old news
On my mind tonight
Because the girl I love is caught in a whirlwind.

She probably got caught with the condoms I gave her so she can put em in her purse.
Or better yet, found out the lies I've told her, which is even worse.
Maybe, I hope I'm exaggerating, cheated on me and got her self pregnant.
But all these thoughts of mine are irrelevant

Because the girl I love is caught in a whirlwind
And all these thoughts are on my mind tonight
Of the same old news
I've transformed to bad news while I was sleeping.