keeping people in my life is next to impossible.
they leave
they always do.

then i'm left
standing alone
feeling hollow.
with no options of escape
from this god awful life.

left with no one to turn to.
but self pity doesn't get you far.
so i soldier on
with a forever emptiness.

i'm ******
i can't tell people anything
i can't show
how melancholy i am.

asking for help in a floundering family
making things worse for those i love
in a family full of mental illness
letting them know that i've got it too
i can't do that to them.

i'm supposed to be the normal one
i can't say that i'm almost always thinking of death
so i contain it
and suffer in silence.

it seems like the easiest option
for everyone around me
i abandon my friends
so they won't know
and i only say the bare minimum
to those around me.

he doesn't know
that i've been suicidal
none of them do
i just keep quiet while life passes me by.

was i just imagining it when you said you liked me?
and that you had no intentions of going anywhere.
did i make all of that up in my head?
i'm beggining to feel as though i did.

you said you were in it for the long haul
then,
two weeks later,
you crumble.

telling me that i can't be friends with my best friend...
if i want this to work,
and that wasn't about to happen.

so it ended just like that,
nothing more nothing less,
just a bad case of jealousy,
nothing more nothing less.

every time i look at you my spine tingles
i shouldn't want you
but i do.

i wish that you were mine
but you wouldn't stay faithful.

you're everything that i want
but you can't offer me the most important thing
it's killing me.

i want to reach out
to grasp you
but always
you slip away.

I want to be treated with kindness
and respect,
like the lady that I am.

You should take me out on dates,
and show me off to your friends,
I want you to crave my attention
and worship the ground I walk on.

Loving every inch of my body,
be ecstatic when I give you
control.

I want you to love me
and treat me like a goddess,
and do nice things for me
just because.