my  mind
is this strange pit
of jumbled thoughts

but you
frequently show up
in those jumbled thoughts

even though
i'v tried to eradicate you from them

you're relentless
i thought i was over you
but i guess not

i don't think i ever will be
no matter how hard i try
you'll always be there

i wish you wouldn't though
i want to move on
but i can't see your face
and not get drawn in
cause
i still love you
and there isn't a **** thing i can do about it

you say you know the same pain that i do.
but that makes me want to call you a liar.
for you didn't have the same experience that i did.
you are not me.

so don't talk.
i don't have any desire to hear what you say.
i feel like a ***** saying that.
but it's the truth.

i'd prefer that you leave me to my thoughts.
i don't care what you have to say.

so please.
leave me be.
because no.
i don't want to talk about it.

i keep my emotions to myself.
they're for no one but me to see.

i see myself with you,
being a couple,
doing romantic things.

i stare into your vast blue eyes
and wonder...
do you feel the same about me?
or,
am i just another girl?

i want to let you into my world,
let you know all there is to know about me,
but
im not sure that you want to be let in.

you can see my sadness,
im sure of it,
but i think
youre pretending its not there,
thats what i do...
and im okay with that.

welcome to my world

you wanted to know me,
on a deeper level,
so i opened my heart to you,
i poured everything out.

you were astonished
at the amount of pain
i carry.

you were astonished
at how little i wanted to
live.

you saw all i had,
and
you felt all the pain
i held.

the flood gates
they opened
and you took on all my fears.

i still love you,
and i know its mutual,
but
you say that we cant be together.

that we should try again in the spring,
but
i cant wait that long.

i need someone to hold me
during the long cold winter months,
i crave your warmth.

but,
you wont give in to me,
you wont sit with me for hours,
just talking about everything.

you wont have me.

Our bodies fit together perfectly,
intertwined in the sheets,
warm and graceful.

heavy breathing,
slow caring movements,
being careful,
but not too careful.

the feeling is powerful,
writhing,
not with pain,
but pleasure.

then,
your heart stops,
the moment is over,
your body relaxes,
still intertwined and blissful.

your ever changing emotions
are just one part of this relationship
that confuse me so.

you say that we should wait until i'm over him
but
we have a relationship now
just without the label.

you don't know what you want
but i do
you have us confused.

al i want is to be with you
in the simplest sense of the phrase
but
you want to make things complicated.

you make my brain hurt
i don't know why i want you
but
i do never the less.