Occasionally you will visit the cemetery of your heart
Looking for that vivacious love for life
Buried somewhere out there
And then you find it in the smile
Of a little babe
And for that briefest moment you will find that peace in that perfect giggle, the gurgle of happiness and that innocence
And then, just like that it will be
a painful reminder
Or what once was
What would be been
And what will never come to pass

.
'From the moment I get up
to the moment I get back into the confines of my
bed,
My mind is avoiding the inevitable  and that's why the begining of the night is always the hardest
And then is when you become the war raging in my mind
The lump in my throat
The tears threatening to break through this **** holding it together
The unequivocal deep rooted sadness buried here in my heart and soul
And the loss that fires through every synapse in my mind
And so I reach out to touch your hand and fall asleep with the ghost of your fingers intertwined

.
Some nights the sky is
awash with pretty little lights
Each twinkle a reminder
of your captivating eyes
The magic of your soul
The beauty of your life

Some nights the heavens
Mournfully rain sorrow into the
ground that is a million hearts
Affected by your being here
And within the same ones
A jagged streak of dysphoria
Brilliant, shocking and blinding lightening
Pummels down on the beaten souls below
And for a brief moment the world
is ablaze with you once more
There is no need for a
coping mechanism then
The thunder is the rumble of a
Love quivering in the pit of your stomach,
Feather strokes of tingling passions
burning somewhere inside
Always Requited

And there are some nights,
Some nights where the full moon
Bathes the entire lands beneath
With a guiding spark I associate
only with you
Moonlight of guidance, kindness
and love
And it's in those nights
My atriums burst, and synapses devour
all that surrounds me
And I weep a river
On the the land of my pillow
An earthquake of sobs
Masking the tell tale sounds
of a breaking heart
And I am reminded once more of you
Because you are my Ramadan,
So poignantly true,
and clear of a message
Of peace and unity
And
THAT is what  makes
you so dear to me

It's not just your mind,
Or your heart,
Or even your soul
It's the physical manifestations
Aswell as the poetic infestations
The clicks of your fingers speak the language of arthritis.
Ancient creaks betweens whimpers of pain
The wrinkles on your face draw comparisons to the arid, desert
veins of your starving heart
The canyon and valleys of your teeth show open carcases of decaying gums.
Your smile is LOST. Not the average one you save for acquaintances and work, NO. The real deal, the one that crinkles at your eyes and runs deep in your veins
The kind that pulsates goodness into your lungs. That simple 21% of oxygen flooding kindness and then you breath out 16 % oxygenated, Passionate, UNBREAKABLE LOVE

What is this cruelty?
That I look through the lense
My heart stuck somewhere
between my gut and oesophagus
Bile of revulation and loss
Tethering in my mouth
***** of pain
Streaming from my blistered tongue
Stomach acids burning my insides
Wrinkles mapping the milestones of my life

I weep on nights like this
The ones that remind me
Of what once was
Oh what could have been
And what till never come to pass

What will be
Is my heart will shatter a million
Times over
Thinking of your smile
And laughter
Just 31536000 seconds ago

I miss you till the pain quakes
My every
apoptotic
Necrotic,
Programmed
Cell death

It's already gone
These are rattling bones
An empty cage

Because, without you
I am just -
A
Dead
Body
Breathing

How do you move on
From looking into the abyss
And seeing all that love
Ripped from your fingers
How do you move on
With a life so broken
That leaves you with a
Constant ache in your chest
A lump always in your throat
Waiting to burst
How do I say
That if life delivered a choice on
Ballot box
I'd always mark the x next to
Your name

There are simple parts of me
That long for you to be here and see
Look at this pain etched on heart of filigree
Of which only you could have been the trustee
Waiting for a love in the great beyond where you hold the master key
A passion of which you and I hold an honarory degree
Because I love you, so honest and true, every single idiosyncracy
But I'll be waiting an eternity
If I believed that you and I can become three
Because that, my dear was never meant to be
It breaks my heart that this was your decree
And so I must now set you free