and this is part 3;

So I just quickly replied with a ******* "it's nothing I'll be alright" but he always knew something was wrong. Kyle's solution to all of 'our' problems was ***. Rough, nasty, sweaty ***. It would go on for 3 maybe 5 hours. Kyle really knew how to turn me on. I'm not so sure what Kyle considered our ***, I considered it making love. But oh boy was it magic! I still remember the excitement I felt the first time he put it in me, I was as wet as a puddle and his **** just fit like a glove. He placed me in a series of positions but his personal favorites were ******* and missionary. My favorite was cowgirl, I loved being on top of him and looking into those eyes. It wasn't just any look though, I always Kyle the "I love you so ******* much" eyes and then they would just roll to the back of my head and my mouth would open wide and I'd let out a very high pitched moan. Kyle absolutely loved to hit it from the back, something about seeing me on all fours really turned him on. It was like he was in control of me, I loved every second of it. But what I loved most about having *** with Kyle was how when I kissed his neck and behind his ears his breathing would slow down and he's close his eyes tight and his whole body would tense up, that's how I knew I had him right where I wanted him. I also loved the fact that he would swear so much and when I was in cowgirl position is slow down a bit to wipe the sweat off of his face. I loved having *** with him because it made me feel important like I had won a prize at the fair. He made me so happy. But when it was all over he'd act like I was just some ******* and would take the ****** off so fast and just hop in the shower as if what we had done was a sin. I felt awful about myself right after and would go *** then lay down in his bed almost in tears. I wondered if he didn't like the ***, he would always say it was great but that wasn't convincing enough. As we later lied down to watch tv for a little before I went home, I would look up at him and just stare for minutes at a time. Everything felt so fake I had to rub my eyes just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I cherished those moments we would lie down together because I got to admire all of his features, I would get to hear his heartbeat and I would just fight my tears. The moment would always be so perfect to me. I only ever caught Kyle look at me once while I was looking away, but never the way I gazed at him. Never with the same amount of passion I had when I glanced at him.

this is part 2 ;

Kyle was his name. And it couldn't have sounded any better next to mine. I always question people who are madly truly deeply in love, I always say have you ever loved someone so much that you stop caring about yourself? Or have you ever loved someone so much that you yourself feel weak giving them all of you but receive nothing in return? you see the love I had for Kyle was so genuine, so unique that I could literally stop whatever I was doing no matter how important just to make him happy. See that was my thing... His happiness, I always took that into consideration. I always wanted to be the reason that he smiled early in the morning, but more specifically late at night. I wanted Kyle to know and experience true love. I gave my all to him, literally. Anyways dropping everything I was doing, just for him was something I thought would make him happy or probably appreciate me even more rather than treating me like ****. My first love was the subject of every conversation I would have cause I was so happy to say that he was mine, but on the other hand while I'm calling him mine and getting butterflies in my stomach, and chills down my spine  he's just calling me that girl as if i was meaningless to him. In fact to him I was nothing but "that girl", the girl he'd only come too when things didn't go his way with other females but I stuck by his side because I always loved that boy so much and I just allowed all of his wrong doings to continue and brushed them off. You see, Kyle was a big shot. He was the kinda guy you'd want around because he was super good looking, he was really funny and his personality made just about anyone feel welcomed. He was also a really big flirt, Kyle had broken my heart time and time again with his flirting but I didn't want to lose him, I still don't so I just kept brushing it off. I didn't want anyone else to love Kyle the way I did because I knew it wouldn't be as passionate, genuine or as sincere. Kyle didn't care though, he continued to do him and it shattered my heart. Have you ever literally felt your heart break? No? Well I have and it's one of the worst kinds of pain you could endure. I tried to tell Kyle that what he was doing was really hurting me but then we would just stop talking! I would be infuriated with him but it never lasted long because I would miss him. There were would be times where I would think about us and just say "I don't want him, I need him". And I would stop and say, without his love being there to generate my happiness I'm nothing. I loved him that much. I remember when I would just want Kyle just to put his pride aside and just tell me he loved me when I knew I loved him but that wasn't going to happen. I pushed back on telling him I loved him for 2 years because of us being on and off and also because I didn't want to make a fool of myself. When I finally did decide to tell Kyle I loved him, he already knew. He knew I was in love with him, but when he said it back it felt like fireworks on Fourth of July, like the excitement you get from buying new shoes, the joy of things finally falling into place. I was so content when he told me "I love you too Hillary". I couldn't believe it. But as weeks passed and the "I love you's" became consistent, something didn't feel right. It started to feel practiced almost as if it was like as if it was a chore. Kyle's I love yous became dryer and dryer as each day passed on. But I questioned what I was doing wrong. I didn't want Kyle to feel like he had to say it, I wanted him to say it because he truly meant it. I spent hours crying because of how much it hurt. I also thought back to the time when Kyle had a new love interest, that didn't last quite long about a good 2 months but he told her I loved you so soon and that's where I thought to myself... "Why did it take him so long to tell me this then?" I said to myself "oh Hillary you're just overreacting" but I knew deep down inside what was truly going on and I brushed it off. Truth was that it was so unbearable, I wouldn't wish this kinda hurt on anyone. I always made it obvious to Kyle when I was hurt or upset, of course I didn't have to because he always knew and he would always ask me "what's wrong baby" but I couldn't find it in me to say "you".

I walked passed the love of my life today. It was hard but I did it. I finally found the courage to walk past him like he didn't exist. A part of me wanted to scream and shout to him how much I love him, the other part wanted to bash his ******* face into the ground. You see the love of my life was a real ****. He never treated me right, never took me out on dates, never gave me flowers for Valentine's Day, nothing. He treated me like a ******* to be quite honest with you. Why do I love him you may ask? Because of our bond. We never lacked communication, our *** was like fireworks, and his company kept my blood warm. Our love, or at least my love for him would be classified as puppy love in this generation. But I never gave our love a name, our love was exactly that... Ours. I wasn't quite sure what it was about him that kept me interested, maybe it was his personality or perhaps his smile or those big brown eyes that would just look you directly in your soul. God! I don't know what it was but I loved him, every inch of him I loved.