Dumbfounded, lost perspective, creeping up my spine. A wall between me and others, a whole new side of the world. Illusion and reality as one, staring into a once ordinary world, a now unexplainable beauty promotes yearning. Dark and pleasurable, a seductive night. Shiny stars, a reminder of life. Experiencing and passion, what matters only admiring. Hallucinating and gazing, a whole scene of life developing. Breathing, new dimension. Patterns and pathways remaining infinity. Staring reflection, myself in contact. Instincts conversing, who I am I'm learning. Invincible, confidence. Beauty is senseless. Reality different, dull unfortunate.

you know those feelings, the ones you can not explain? mine are illusional, they manipulate my brain. there are voices inside of my head that are not me, they are leading me under where I can never be set free. I am terrified of who I am becoming, but you see I am so in love with how you are to me. I am too deeply lost inside of my head, and tonight is another night I will lose it in this bed. I do not have the strength to speak, I guess you can say I have became a total freak. It is difficult to pay attention to the reality of my life, I would rather feel the kind of pain that occurs from a knife. my personality has became shaken, and for thinking I may be enough I know I am probably mistaken. I am afraid that I am falling, there is something wrong inside of me calling. I am stuck inside of a mindset that cannot be understood, and I am fully aware that it is because of all these substances I have took.

I live for the mystery that life has to offer, for all of the questions that run through my head left unanswered. I live for the feeling of freedom, to be seduced by the stars and touched by the dark. I will not adjust myself to any world or reality besides my own, there are entire galaxies that lay within each of us. I refuse to believe in ordinary explanations, or to disagree with the magic in my mind because of a reality in which is not my own. I will not live in the outside world, I will live inside the galaxy that lays within me and experience intimacy with each and every last spec of stardust. My adventure of life will be through the trails of my imagination, and I will not die in a world of sense and scientific sadness. I will explore and travel through every last corner of my mind, and I will unravel the words I think and put them together to form thoughts in which I never knew were possible. I will live my life experiencing everything that is said to be impossible, by believing in my reckless thoughts and creating my whole entire world. I will continue to feel alive by feeling everything as deeply as I can, and my whole lifetime will be a trip through the unexplainable and infinite pathways of who I am. Our minds have promised us forever, they will always be hiding more and more secrets from us in hopes that we will take the time to go and discover them. Our minds are the most beautiful part of life, for they are tiny worlds inside of us that we have the power of creating and living in. Our minds are the defining reason in which all of us have to live for, and all that we need to truly feel alive.

And just like that she finally realized she didn't need anyone or anything else besides herself. It finally hit her like a brick that she was worth way more than what she settles for, and she was finally finished with all of the dull conversations and empty words. She thought to herself; how can you say you love me when you told me you'd leave me for someone else? She asked the same question over and over, why do I always feel so lonely when there's galaxies inside my heart and a whole entire universe that lays within me? It was because of the way she spent her time, settling for her desperate need of colliding stardust. She finally opened up her eyes when she looked in the mirror and saw herself for who she really was, a restless soul with a dark and poetic mind. She was through with giving away pieces of herself to those who did not take the time to fully understand her, she had more important things to do like gallop through nature and scream at the moon. Poetry was her soulmate, she belonged to nothing but her words. Every time she saw a blank page she imagined a thousand different ways to write what she had felt inside, she wished to steal back every last second she wasted on feeling lonely. She could finally understand that she was the ruler of her world, and although she was lost at sea it was only her who knew the way back home.

If you think I will settle for anything less than extravagant you're wrong, I will not forever wait around loving a ghost. I will not continue to search inside of you for love, nor will I accept love that is made from shadows and empty words. I have so much love inside of me waiting to be discovered, and I will not keep pouring it out into a place where it goes on forever and is never returned. A piece of me gets lost with each time that I love you, it's as if I've been throwing stones far down a well while watching them disappear. perfectly disguised sentences fall from your mouth to my ears, but I can not feel the magic behind each word. I am restless, much too restless to be held still and hopelessly waiting. If you think that I am blind to the unseen you're wrong, I live in a world of my own senseless imagination. You can not trick me with an act, I can feel everything that lays in-between my universe and yours. I can not put my trust into anything that I cannot feel, and these zombified words scream so loudly of nothingness that the ringing in my ears has made me gone deaf to them. I feel so at rest by the thought of your stardust colliding with mine, but I'm running out of love.

It won't be until these ghosts have kidnapped me to a non existent reality, by then it will be too late. they seem to really ******* hate me, they took away all of my fate. I can not stay in touch any longer, I am afraid I will never be stronger. I remain in this bed again broken and alone, I can not help but to yearn for the sound of your moan. I am drowning inside of my mind, the rest of this world I am becoming blind. How it felt to live, I will never forget. All I know how to feel now, is existence and regret. I want to feel connected, remain somewhere I feel loved and protected. I want to feel a two-way connection, I believe that inside the one you truly love you will find existing perfection. Nothing remaining perfect is a sad myth told by a broken deceiver, words that slipped off the tongue of a hopeless non believer. Reality is the reflection of your mind, unfortunately there's a part of mine that isn't so kind. Although, I do not fail to have passion. I am hoping that this darkness is just for fashion. Tonight is another night I will play the victim against myself in my head, shaking on the floor listening to voices that I am not sure were actually said. I feel like staying quiet because I no longer know how to respond to delusions, It is becoming harder to tell apart these false illusions. It is no longer just the anxiety, I have to keep writing in substitute of psychiatry.

I want to run away and get lost in the woods and never be found. I want to kiss stranger's cheeks and read my poetry to the moon. I want to disappear somewhere, but not just anywhere. Forever I will wish for this place that I am not sure even exists, it's somewhere within me and it's somewhere beautiful. It's a secret location hidden away from me in my own universe, the part of my world where I am finally given comfort to be who I am. I'm so sick of the dullness, from my own observation it seems like most of us are too insecure to be out of the ordinary. I'm wasting away while blending in, it's like these insecurities are eating who I am. Sadly, that's how most of us lose ourselves. The darkness takes over and drowns out all of our light. Behind each and every last fear that we all have there are pieces of ourselves captured and hidden away, striving to come alive and be heard. This is the way it's always been, hasn't it? light vs. darkness you see, the purpose of it is to keep fighting.

My thoughts are made up of fear, my god it's cold without you here. Sometimes I think I can see your face in the smoke, every single breath that I take I swear to god I almost choke. The hardest thing to do now is breathe without you here, I'm sick and tired of the taste of each and every tear. I no longer know how to use my voice, you see I can't ******* speak anymore I have no choice. I can't let out a single word with your ghost shoved halfway down my throat, you can find me shaking in the rain watching the drops slide off my coat. All I can hear is you screaming at me to let go, it's been ******* years and I still think of you more than you'll ever know. I guess that's only because you saved my life, you were there and stopped me from grabbing a knife. I continued to live my life when all I wanted to do was die, I can still remember when you were beside me and I couldn't help but to be so shy. If it weren't for you I'd be dead right now, I'd give anything for you to just know that somehow. Our memories have faded away, and although it's pathetic I wish to see you again someday. Your silhouette lingers here in the corners of my mind, I realized that it never left as I poisoned myself with the last bottle of wine. Every time it snows I can still see the snowflakes reflecting in your eyes, it makes me sick thinking of how I fed you with all of those lies. Knowing you was the best part of my existence you see, even if what it costs is being haunted and never set free.