My thoughts are made up of fear, my god it's cold without you here. Sometimes I think I can see your face in the smoke, every single breath that I take I swear to god I almost choke. The hardest thing to do now is breathe without you here, I'm sick and tired of the taste of each and every tear. I no longer know how to use my voice, you see I can't ******* speak anymore I have no choice. I can't let out a single word with your ghost shoved halfway down my throat, you can find me shaking in the rain watching the drops slide off my coat. All I can hear is you screaming at me to let go, it's been ******* years and I still think of you more than you'll ever know. I guess that's only because you saved my life, you were there and stopped me from grabbing a knife. I continued to live my life when all I wanted to do was die, I can still remember when you were beside me and I couldn't help but to be so shy. If it weren't for you I'd be dead right now, I'd give anything for you to just know that somehow. Our memories have faded away, and although it's pathetic I wish to see you again someday. Your silhouette lingers here in the corners of my mind, I realized that it never left as I poisoned myself with the last bottle of wine. Every time it snows I can still see the snowflakes reflecting in your eyes, it makes me sick thinking of how I fed you with all of those lies. Knowing you was the best part of my existence you see, even if what it costs is being haunted and never set free.