Ask me,
Ask me now daddy.
What I want to do when I grow up.
I want to be happy.
No, not happy
I want to be happiness.
I want to be joy and cheer and admiration
Confidence and peace and optimism

I don’t want to be like others, no, I want to be love.
The smile that comes across your face when they say your name,
The look that makes your heart skip a beat,
The song that makes you rethink every second you spent together.
I don’t wanna be the poem, I wanna be the emotion behind it,
Not the first kiss, let me be the nerves,
Not the dance, let me be the excitement,
Not the Officiant, let me be the vows.

When I grow up, I don’t wanna be a doctor mommy.
I want to be the feeling when someone’s told there’s a cure,
Or when a parent finds out their child will live to be a teenager,
Or maybe I want to be 3 in the morning when a mother holds her child for the first time.

I want to be affection and adoration and passion
Oh, I want to be passion.
Let me be passion.
So that you cannot do without me, because nothing without me has meaning.
So that when you are playing the final strain or scoring the winning goal,
Or writing the last chapter or finishing the last paint stroke,
You will think of me.

Maybe I’ll be allegiance or devotion or respect.
I won’t be the soldier, I’ll be the loyalty.
Or the surprise in a child's heart when their dad comes home early,
Maybe I’ll be the feeling when a father meets his baby for the first time,
And the child already knows his name.

I want to be piety and faith and worship.
I don’t want to be the pastor, I’ll be the lesson.
Maybe I’ll be the obligation behind the first baptism or first communion.
Maybe I’ll be the words when someone so low is told someone loves them.
I’ll be the salvation of the gospel,
The redemption to the guilty,
The forgiveness to the sinners.

When I grow up,

I want to be the opposite of sorrow,
The antonym of misery,
The reverse of fear,
The contradiction of rejection,
The antithesis of disappointment,
The inverse of insecurity,
I want to be the alleviation of anxiety,
The ease of pain,

When I grow up,
I want to be happy.

Lost in a tornado of motion

Caught in a tsunami of feelings

Confused in a hurricane of wind

Buried in an avalanche of broken promises

Burned in a wild fire of hate

Frozen in a blizzard of no hope

Shattered in an earthquake of heartbreaks

Consumed in a flood of tears

Parched in a drought of no love

Destroyed in a sandstorm with nothing

~ 好き/嫌い ~


I love your smile.
     I hate it when it's not for me.  
I love your voice.
     I hate it when it's not addressing me.  
I love your eyes.
     I hate it when I can't see myself in them.  
I love your lips.
     I hate that I can't have their kiss.  
I love your hands.
     I hate how they'll never really touch me.  
I love your body.
     I hate how I'll never really feel its warmth.  
I...
I love you.


     I hate how you'll never love me back...

In the heat of the night
He took her hand and hid her fright
She came along, young and naive
Looking back, never once a thought of leave
They held on to those days
Through months of hurt, a gentle haze
Words of passion, tears of shame
Through it all that day had came
Confusion stripped them raw
Cutting deep like a bloodied saw
Pushed and pulled, emotions took their toll
Packed his things, the taxi ready to roll

The sun bore down, blazing hot and red
His string drew back slow in stead
A cool wind swept a chill across his arm
She held on to his promise to cause no harm
A somber air filled him as he readied
He stopped with a stark glance at the target, heart heavy
He noticed nothing but the pale curve of skin
Where his arrow would stick in
She smiled and said "hello dear"
The arrow let out; the string hit, slap! Clear
The fire  whirled across the blade
She warmed to him, the love they made
He smiled and set the bow down
He stood steady as the arrow drown

Her shock came in flows of blood
Her tears wet her heart in profounded flood
One last time her lips he kissed
Then strode away knowing he never missed
She collapsed to the ground
Her heart pained, no longer able to sound
Days passed her in a daze
It took time but she outlived that phase
Bitterness came and went
With others her time she spent
Her wound now stitched together
He is still her number one choice in forever

She knows now that love jades
But with keeping strong heartbreak eventually fades

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Lust in your eyes
Taken by surprise

i want to kiss you underwater
in an aquarium
while strangers admire us
from their captivity

i want you to be the only thing
keeping me alive

i want to taste your stale
exhalation of whisky breath
and you
can have all my spent cigarettes

i want to drown
with you grasping at my abdomen
digging into my chest cavity

i want to give up
all my oxygen and watch you
ascend into refracting light