When I first saw you I didn't realize that you would create such an impact on me,
but it's been a month now and I still cannot get over just how utterly amazing, graceful, and beautiful you are.

I've tried focusing on something else but whenever I see you you are simply too wonderful to ignore.
Your beauty is something far beyond me.

You have all perfect proportions everywhere and especially on your face.
I honestly cannot understand what you mean when you say that I'm so beautiful,
it confuses me every time,
how can you, a living statue, say that someone else is beautiful?
how are you not astounded by your own beauty and are just narcissistic? maybe your eyes are so beautiful starting from the inside that everything you see is prettier than what most see.

and what's more
I'm not even beautiful enough to be considered beautiful,
I would've decided that you are just telling me I'm beautiful because "that's something that a woman likes to hear",
but how can I convince myself of that when you just keep repeating it and mean it every time?
I mean I have some beauty but I don't even bring it out

You have noticed this,
you have told me you would "make up the **** out of me"
and that I just "have so much potential",
you've told me this last in a really genuine manner
like an makeup/dressing artist that is considering what to recommend for another artist's physical appearance

As I though, it must be your eyes
they can see the world with a different, more gentle lense

But your eyes!
Oh, don't get me started!

I cannot conceive how you can have such color of gray/deep blue eyes and how they were chosen to be on such a perfectly proportioned face,
I would literally take as an explanation that the stars were aligned and that caused it

The first time that you saw me and the first comment that you told me was that you like my eyes, that I had a very profound gaze.
I cannot get over how that was a comment you made on me and on top of it the first,
yet whenever I see your eyes it looks like I'm looking at an artwork and I have to analyze it and to understand it I should just stare at it intensely for a couple of minutes

I can actually say that last thing for your whole face.
Whenever I look at you I first of all see your eyes and how the glasses that you chose are the best ******* glasses you could've chosen for yourself,
but frequently my eyes gaze a little lower and I rest them on your lips.
Oh, these lips...

I've never seen a model that has such ****** lips
You don't have them small nor bulging either,
you have them a little bigger than what would be average and they go so well with the shape of your face,
and their color, their natural color

it's pink like soft skin that was exposed,
you are a man and you do not use lipstick nor chapstick and their natural color with their natural mate makes me crazy.
The color is ****** by itself and the way the lips are placed on that face is also ****** by itself
(*when I say ******, I mean that as a quality, like a compliment, not that they make me feel ****** desire towards you)

To be honest the colors of your eyes, skin and lips are a whole other beauty by themselves,
the way they combine and harmonize in your face is a thing that deserves credit for just existing

Oh, but there's not only this.
When one looks at your face one can see also your hair, which is around it
I'm not good at describing hair so I won't get into it,
but it's brown and has curls and it goes down around your chin
and whenever you have it wet it's double as beautiful and I just cannot believe how you can have such a face and on top of that such hair,
although the face is much better by far, guess that's obvious considering the quantity of elements

I also won't get into describing your body because I'm not good at that,
but you're tall and gorgeous and perfectly well-built, not overdone and literally just perfect,
on top of all that add the elasticity that you have and how much you enjoy moving it and dancing gracefully and again it looks like we have a living statue with every pose that you make.

There was also this one time when I saw you on the distance and I started grinning
but couldn´t stop so I looked at the ground so you wouldn´t notice
but when I was walking near you I looked again at you and you were looking directly at me
I wondered if you´d seen it all, my reaction
you smiled back at me and told me to give you a hug.
How can anyone have such a natural reaction to that which I was embarassedly hiding?

You are very kind and you treat everyone with so much love and care that there's no one that could even say anything against you,
you also like greeting and telling goodbye to everyone
and I'm so thankful to you that I'm no exception.

I do always worry that I won't receive your goodbye, not because you have ill against me but because I'm just a nobody and you shouldn't waste your energy on me (though it's never wasted, I do appreciate every single thing you do for me and also things you do for just yourself or others).
A couple of times you have kissed me
(I'm not sure exactly because I'm not that romantic, I'm just writing this because every bit of you causes an impact in me for some reason.
But they were approximately)
Two times in the forehead and one time on my cheek

When you kissed me on my cheek I felt like you kissed my soul.
That's the best way I can describe it.

I remembered how your lips look and pictured how they'd be on the kiss,
I was also feeling your skin around your lips
And I remembered you're a man (I usually just see you as a person, I'm sorry, I'm used to ungendering people) because I could feel the whisks of your mustache and beard,

I swear just every element that's added to you just makes you so much better,
every time I get conscious of something else that you have I am amazed by it and in awe.

I am thankful to you for everything, and on that kiss I felt like you were kissing my soul because it feels so genuine and the strength applied times the duration of the kiss made me feel the more that you were trying to get your feelings through to me,
not romantic feelings, but feelings of love, the love which you carry within and that you want people to feel inside.

Forgetting how to speak
broken pieces of speech
does that really matter
at all, anymore?

I used to say what I though,
ask anything
I wanted to know
spend time with who I loved.

I stopped my asking,
seeing as no one
could tolerate
my questions anymore

I became isolated
in the middle of society
without sharing my questions,
my thoughts

Soon enough,
my brain started to flood
so many things
I couldn't hold

Instead of exploding,
my brain got cracked
within those cracks
my voice slipped at times

I spoke to my family,
I spoke to my friends
none of them understood
a word I said

Regardless of how I try,
the result is the same
no one understands
a single word I say.

I can speak now,
in several languages,
but none of that's useful
when nobody listens.

It's not that they don't care
they just don't get
any of what I say.



I am alone
without a voice
but no once can help me,
they don't know where to look

I'd like to go
travel the world,
seek and find people
who make sense of my words.




At times like these,
not even I
can stop myself,
Soon I might disappear

My most precious side,
what I love most about myself,
hasn't got much time
can it really be saved?

Without motivation,
without a goal and route
I am loosing my way
my brain soon might be loose

No coherent thought,
is what they all say
they just don't get
how lonely I've become.




My old, my dear friend
where has it gone
with whom I could share
all of my thoughts?

I'm seriously alone,
I need you again
please do come back
this suffering is insane.


No one to talk to
no one to ask
whatever shall I do
to this mask?

I don't even know
if who i'm looking for
is someone i could
with for a moment talk

Do they exist?
Are they alive?
Will I ever find them,
Before I die?