My biggest regret

It wasn't paying for ***
The shame and disappointment

It wasn't hurting myself as a teenager
Causing pain, leaving unsightly scars

It wasn't staying drunk and or high
For a decade or more

It wasn't alienating myself
From everyone

It was that time at the shopping centre
When I said I'd be there to catch you
And I watched my sister close her eyes
And fall backwards
While I laughed as she hit the floor

I'm trying to fix that
That important leak in my person
I'd concrete the world's surface if I had to

I ran up Friday hill in the early morning
In the faith that it would do me good
Like I'd discovered a lifetime ago

I had a dream
It was of my mother
And I remembered the sadness in my heart
I was running to find it

All us heartbroken people
We kept each other company
For a time
Like a short film
We wrapped over ourselves

But how can I heal the world, if not myself
Make it happy, if I'm not

I was running to find it

How timid and elusive it is in this world
How quiet
Unheard, yet underestimated

My heart

I was running to find it
My sad heart
The happiest too
Running in the morning
Mourning no longer
Smiling like sunrise

I had a strange dream the other night
It was about a talking horse
Who was very musical
She was dark, black, and she talked like it was the most normal thing

There was a scene of her clapping to the waves of the ocean while she sat on a cliff
And she spoke of music's connection to God
Just simply and truthfully

She was shot by a group of boys
When she jumped into a swimming pool
16 shots in total

Up the hill
Friday Hill
To the top
Higher and higher
And then Faith
Or I'd be too late

Nature, nature, human nature

I scrolled down my news feed
There was a play of hate
The warring
Never ceased

It hits home
As it always does
You listen to the sounds of children playing in the pool
Watch them walking to school

And you think
What have I done with my hands and feet
In this great machine
Substituting someone
Close to me

Nature, nature, human nature
Tell me something about peace
Tell me something new
I haven't moved for a thousand years

The rivers are full of tears
I feel so lost
The God's are arguing in the sky
So loud
They can't hear me cry

Nature, nature, human nature
Tell me about yourself
Tell me about harmony
Tenderness and care
Because I can't find them written down anywhere

Nature, nature, human nature
Bring us together
From the day until night
Take me in your arms
Wake me up and put me to sleep

Nature, nature, human nature
I know you are there
I know you are everywhere
Is there a chord I can play
So that you can hear me?

After about a thousand days
It's not that they are all the same
But they are
So you have to put your best foot forward
With as much friendship and love
As you ever will have

The young cat at my foot sleeping
So innocent
He doesn't know
That tomorrow
I could get up, disappear and go