My name around the house is Mr. mushroom
Cause I’m always cooking mushrooms
Salt and pepper mushrooms
Squealing in a pan
You’re vegan and you don’t like mushrooms?
I don’t understand
Looking like a lizard, chewing on stringy hallucinogens
Or classy and tall floating in your soup
Or rich like truffles
Or frilly like flowers that kiss each other
Growing in bark, growing on trees
Growing in fields with no strawberries.
I met a mushroom picker one time, real nice guy
Was his trade, did it all day.
Squealing in a pan
My sister said when it comes to cooking mushrooms, I’m the man.
Don’t get all imaginative on me, and start breading and crumbing
Just doesn’t do.
Just the nice robust standard cups, at your local super market, or sometimes those portabellos
Get them sweating like scalps in the heat!
Torture them with black pepper, fingernails on blackboards!
Then sunburn them in sea salt, crisping around the eyes like a vagabond child
Don’t let ‘em escape!
Mushrooms clouds, over the reef, think about them in your sleep.
Serve with rice or toast with a coffee or tea,
It’s Mushrooms for me.