I feel scared, alone, wild.
Its in these moments when I do things that only cause me more pain.
You know that place?
The place where you make decisions based on fear.
The situations you find yourself in that you know you cant take back
I have made decisions here that were the worst in my life.
The moments that define me now
and only make me feel scared alone and wild.
And in these moments I do things that cause me more pain
You know that place.
The place where you make decisions based on fear.
…. the situations you find yourself in that you know you cant take back
decisions made that are the absolute worst
those moments define me now
and they make me terrified, alone and insane
its in these moments I do things that cause me more pain
You know that place
decisions based on fear
situations
moments
more pain
scared
alone
wild
you know those places
scared, alone, wild
scared, alone, wild
decisions based on fear
decisions based on fear
decisions based on fear

you know those places?

that doesn't sound right
life emerging from inanimate matter
you better watch it
.... its positively stratospheric

its the new normal
hipstirrr hunter has no hugs
showing off his gun
every other day

Quite sadly, this information is not surprising
but we want to say goodbye
we want them to rest
anguish, sadness       depress      ed

its the state of the thing
there's really no need
he's just going to **** kittens when he finds out anyway

Someone belongs here

Forget about it

If we get away with this, it'll be a miracle.

After his head injury
he realized there were
more people in the world
than just him.

he had the lights off
thrown 90 feet
remembers right before
remembers right after

now he thinks about ******* all the time
he never thought like this before the injury
inhibition
walking up to a stranger and asking for ***
it didnt fit into a relationship

Topic A:  why am I all ****** up?
Topic B: living with being all ****** up.
he calls tomatoes lemons
and there are certain smells
(...........don't think of it as a list, think of it as a story.)

he just wants to be who he was
but he has a ****** in his room
and she has a beautiful name
Destiny

he wakes up, beats off in the shower
sequences it all just fine even with all the shakes
at the end
he's accurate
hitting the suds
moving them in the drain

He thought he was good looking
but he forgets names
...... cleans up after everyone
.......wants to see her naked

But he can't go home anymore.

She hung her head,
unmoved by his protests,
and in a whisper, through hands covering her face
she said

It’s

only

romantic

because

it didn’t happen.

……………….

If it had happened,

it

would

have

just

been

life.

He walked away
in agreement.

After us.
He became scorn.
He never looked more beautiful.
I thought him lucky, to have that.

I only felt something lukewarm.
My indifference made me plain.

I wanted that passion instead of this boredom.
He got all the longing, the ache, the poets disease.

I shared my thoughts, my truth with him.
He only flamed brighter as a result ….. so ******* gorgeous.

I am envy.
Much better than apathy.

You’ll smell of whiskey, I just know it.
Sweaty, just a tad
Briskly you walk towards me
with purpose, all your thoughts exposed
you’ll not be able to stop yourself
afraid of a girl
and I’ll like that
a slight step backward, taken… and then

Itll be like a dance
nervous, twitching
until
shoulders brush
backs of hands touch
and then the magnet eyes
the tendon glue of you
and me
crackles clean
first footsteps after a midnight snow
spun sugar
glances parried
returned
dry lips licked
panting

all right before a voice quietly floats out

Hello.

No going back now.

We’ve met.  It’s personal.

I am suffering.

ardor diminished

look out the window
see the same glass, half-empty
eyes wander along rolling landscapes
seeking out rapidly recovering raw plates of land

rather enjoying
indulging the habit
seeing with memory
the neural network patterns
of pre-enlightenment

what the eyes see, what the ears hear, what the skin feels

patterns and relationships
isolated phenomena
numeralized
graphed diachronic

It’s a skill so deeply satisfying

the eye is drawn to these raw scars
human activities
natural processes
fluid transfer

yet core patterns don’t change much
from year to year
soil washes off slopes
into the river of hundreds if not thousands of years; rebuilding

taking generations

these patterns

satisfying and useful

cognizant

knowledge tempers hands tendency
to want to fix
read, and
tamper with

—everything in sight.

Late at night
when I’m desperate
raw with longing
for him,
sometimes for her
aching panic
in the dark
for all those future worlds
I’ll never be
a sudden thought occurs to me
I’m still so young     inside

thinking this     way
I haven’t given up
knowing that
I tell my clinched hands
that’s enough now
let me
sleep

Electric taste
sensation elicited
stimulating tongue
currently this phenomenon  … nomenon enon nony
cannot convey information classified
humans cannot perceive with their tongue

Methods involve
changing
taste foods
and drinks
by using electric taste

We propose a system
drink beverages using straws
connected to an electric circuit

We propose a system
eat foods using a fork or chopsticks
connected to an electric circuit

We propose a system
Discussing augmented gustation
using various sensory

Please do not care who you disappoint

Some days I can’t see any beauty in you.
Or you, or you or you.
    or me.

I’m 1986
I’m 1996
… no wait, wait…. what?  It’s 2022.

It’s getting late.
How often do I forget how early it is?

Remember to breathe
look at the floor
turn the dish over and over in my hands
its clean, smooth, squeaks under my thumb

I’m ok one more time.

Then ever so quietly my mother says “Oh, yes, please go get some air.  Leave the rest of us here to suffocate.”

I can finish the dishes.
Of course, I can.
I can finish.
Finish.

Useful.

There’s beauty in being useful.