18 years old
But what is there to live for?
Books and school
Hooking up with some tool
Don’t call me back,
I’d rather smoke a whole pack.
Pillow talk and snorting chalk
Chipped nails and looking pale
The years of our lives
Spent in ****** bar dives
No one gets what it means
Everyone’s obsessed with screens
Behind closed doors,
We’re all little ******.
Tongues pressed in cheeks,
Just give me a little peak.
****** bands and recycling beer cans
Run away with me, just know that it’s not free
But trust me it’s worth your time
Don’t you think that I’m a dime?
Sleeping in unwashed sheets
Let’s walk the midnight streets
We’ll be alright if you hold me tight
Funny thing is I’ll do it all over again tomorrow night

I bought a pack of menthol cigs
Turns out that you hate my digs
I sparked one up to release the pain
But all I got was an act of vain
The first puff helped out
Can you please just shut your mouth?
Halfway done
How are you so dumb?
I’d prefer to share this with my mum
But here you are, can you not be such a ***?
Two-thirds in
I’d tape your mouth but that’d be a sin
Inhaling the relief
Can you believe, nails in my coffin
But at least I’ll be away from your stupid grin

Remember when we would lay all day and dream about our love?
Remember when there was more to life than just ***, and cars, and drugs?
I can still feel your fingers through my hair and the way you kiss my lips
I can still feel your presence in the air
And your palms pressed on my hips
Some things aren't meant to be
I know that for a fact
So why can't thoughts of you leave me?
All I feel is cracked

My self-control irks to be known
But I can't help it, it can't be sewn
One after the next
cigarettes and ***
I can't resist.
I can't.
It leaves me feeling hexed.

The girl next door
Seemed so pure
But she was writing her own death sentence
One after the other
She lied to her mother
About the deadly habit that burned her soul
Wrapped up pretty
White and gritty
The spongy tip knew her secrets
Her red lips pressed
Her lungs caressed
The ***** whisperings of the devil
Down she went
Her spirit sent
The final act of love
Right side up
Her fingers cupped
The luckiest one of all
She flicked the flame
Who was to blame
For the blackened feelings
That erased her meaning

My thoughts are molasses
they can't seem to move
All I'm left with is sweet thoughts of you
Thick and black
Please come back
Thoughts of you stuck in the cracks
I see you in every frame I view
My observations have gone askew
Stuck- paralyzed- I need to see your eyes
Come before I crystalize

Your mysterious sad eyes are imprinted in my brain
Your music fills my mind
Your piercing stare that I once enjoyed
Makes me so unkind
But all good things must come to an end
I hear it all the time
But the thought of never seeing you again makes me out of line
I tried and tried and I'll try once more
But I cannot go on without just one last score

There is something wrong with me
I feel it when I take a step
I feel it when I take a breath
There's something inside
Scratching to get out
Like a flower that cannot bloom
It hurts inside
I can't sleep at night
I can't put my finger on it
Screeches and growls echo my rib cage
How did I end up on this page?
Cracked lips and emotional dips
And no one to help at my fingertips

Somewhere I know someone is waiting.
Waiting to wipe the tears from my eyes,
Waiting to tell me that everything is going to be alright.
Somewhere someone is waiting.
Waiting to tell me jokes,
jokes that make me laugh for hours on end
The kind that makes your brain bend.
I know it's out there.
I just don’t know where.
Days melt into puddles of unknown realms.
The puddles evaporate into clouds of thoughts of what is and what should have never been.

Sleeping around
Smoking some pounds
Not talking sense
Starting to put up my defense
I don’t know how to feel
Maybe only time can heal
It doesn’t click in my head
Did I just wake up in your bed?
It's like talking to a door
I just feel like a *****
Show me what it means
To be cared for at my seams
I drink to forget
and smoke away regret
The guilt runs through my veins
Like the tracks of downbound trains

Clouds in my coffee
Coffee in  my veins
When did it get to this point of pain?
Snapshots of time
That reminds us of our prime
Green grass
and a tight ***
What happens after?
Forced into what we don’t want to do
Forced to follow social cues
Acting like high fools
Hugs and drugs and electronic bugs
Stuck in our heads
Like plastic in seabeds

Come into my arms where you belong
He said to me with a smile
The drained youth and obsessive lies
Have made this world so vile
Red nails and whitened teeth
There has to be much more
There can't be much to offer
When you aren't keeping score

Paper rustling and coffee brewing
Did anyone really know what they were doing?
Placed on a path where no flowers grow
Each step is taken with no gentle flow
Thinking and drinking
What were they thinking
Does anyone know where else flowers grow?