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18
Great Pretender Apr 2018
18
18 years old
But what is there to live for?
Books and school
Hooking up with some tool
Don’t call me back,
I’d rather smoke a whole pack.
Pillow talk and snorting chalk
Chipped nails and looking pale
The years of our lives
Spent in ****** bar dives
No one gets what it means
Everyone’s obsessed with screens
Behind closed doors,
We’re all little ******.
Tongues pressed in cheeks,
Just give me a little peak.
****** bands and recycling beer cans
Run away with me, just know that it’s not free
But trust me it’s worth your time
Don’t you think that I’m a dime?
Sleeping in unwashed sheets
Let’s walk the midnight streets
We’ll be alright if you hold me tight
Funny thing is I’ll do it all over again tomorrow night
Great Pretender Apr 2018
I bought a pack of menthol cigs
Turns out that you hate my digs
I sparked one up to release the pain
But all I got was an act of vain
The first puff helped out
Can you please just shut your mouth?
Halfway done
How are you so dumb?
I’d prefer to share this with my mum
But here you are, can you not be such a ***?
Two-thirds in
I’d tape your mouth but that’d be a sin
Inhaling the relief
Can you believe, nails in my coffin
But at least I’ll be away from your stupid grin
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Remember when we would lay all day and dream about our love?
Remember when there was more to life than just ***, and cars, and drugs?
I can still feel your fingers through my hair and the way you kiss my lips
I can still feel your presence in the air
And your palms pressed on my hips
Some things aren't meant to be
I know that for a fact
So why can't thoughts of you leave me?
All I feel is cracked
Great Pretender Apr 2018
I watch, I pry
Why don’t you look me in the eye?
You just care about your hair
And your silly life
By now you should probably have a wife
But I came in with gentle strife
I know I’m on your mind
But don’t forget to be so kind
For you never know what you might find
Great Pretender Apr 2018
My self-control irks to be known
But I can't help it, it can't be sewn
One after the next
cigarettes and ***
I can't resist.
I can't.
It leaves me feeling hexed.
Great Pretender Apr 2018
How did it get this way?
How could I not see?
The only one standing in my way
Is me
Stuck in my mind
All I can hear is gears wind
Get out of my head
I need to go to bed
Is it worth the pain?
And the time I won’t regain?
Great Pretender Apr 2018
If I tell you the truth
Would you even care?
Talking with to you is like untangling my hair
Lost in your deep eyes
I can’t ever get my point across
I’m a fool for you, and you know it too
How much longer are you going to fuss?
Let’s accept it, we’re living to die,
Is it worth the pain?
Great Pretender Apr 2018
The girl next door
Seemed so pure
But she was writing her own death sentence
One after the other
She lied to her mother
About the deadly habit that burned her soul
Wrapped up pretty
White and gritty
The spongy tip knew her secrets
Her red lips pressed
Her lungs caressed
The ***** whisperings of the devil
Down she went
Her spirit sent
The final act of love
Right side up
Her fingers cupped
The luckiest one of all
She flicked the flame
Who was to blame
For the blackened feelings
That erased her meaning
Great Pretender Apr 2018
My thoughts are molasses
they can't seem to move
All I'm left with is sweet thoughts of you
Thick and black
Please come back
Thoughts of you stuck in the cracks
I see you in every frame I view
My observations have gone askew
Stuck- paralyzed- I need to see your eyes
Come before I crystalize
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Don’t tease if you can’t please
That used to be my motto
But what if the one I should have pleased
Was myself, by not being on auto
Compulsive acts
Haunt my dreams
Cigarette packs
Have become sunlight beams
I think about your hallow mind
and all the deeds that have made me blind
You unzip my jeans
But I'd prefer you to unzip my dreams
Think deeper thoughts
Then just the ones about empty parking lots
I lose myself in your eyes
Wrap you up in pretty lies
I told myself I wouldn't care
But nothing really can compare
To the way I feel when your presence in the air
and the way you run your fingers through my hair
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Your mysterious sad eyes are imprinted in my brain
Your music fills my mind
Your piercing stare that I once enjoyed
Makes me so unkind
But all good things must come to an end
I hear it all the time
But the thought of never seeing you again makes me out of line
I tried and tried and I'll try once more
But I cannot go on without just one last score
Great Pretender Apr 2018
I took a pill to help with my mind,
I felt ill and my brain started to unbind
All I could think about is your cloud bed
laying together, you unraveling my head
Whisper sweet nothings into my ear,
that is the only thing I want to hear
Tell me that life is worth reviving
Tell me I don’t have to be conniving
Can’t you tell my heart beats for you
We can dissolve in the boundless blue
Summer tears wiped into springs
Spring tears bent into rippling rings
Walk along my horizon
Tell me where ambition lies in
Take me where I have never gone before
Your arms will be the only thing that can keep me onshore
Great Pretender Apr 2018
There is something wrong with me
I feel it when I take a step
I feel it when I take a breath
There's something inside
Scratching to get out
Like a flower that cannot bloom
It hurts inside
I can't sleep at night
I can't put my finger on it
Screeches and growls echo my rib cage
How did I end up on this page?
Cracked lips and emotional dips
And no one to help at my fingertips
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Somewhere I know someone is waiting.
Waiting to wipe the tears from my eyes,
Waiting to tell me that everything is going to be alright.
Somewhere someone is waiting.
Waiting to tell me jokes,
jokes that make me laugh for hours on end
The kind that makes your brain bend.
I know it's out there.
I just don’t know where.
Days melt into puddles of unknown realms.
The puddles evaporate into clouds of thoughts of what is and what should have never been.
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Sleeping around
Smoking some pounds
Not talking sense
Starting to put up my defense
I don’t know how to feel
Maybe only time can heal
It doesn’t click in my head
Did I just wake up in your bed?
It's like talking to a door
I just feel like a *****
Show me what it means
To be cared for at my seams
I drink to forget
and smoke away regret
The guilt runs through my veins
Like the tracks of downbound trains
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Clouds in my coffee
Coffee in  my veins
When did it get to this point of pain?
Snapshots of time
That reminds us of our prime
Green grass
and a tight ***
What happens after?
Forced into what we don’t want to do
Forced to follow social cues
Acting like high fools
Hugs and drugs and electronic bugs
Stuck in our heads
Like plastic in seabeds
Great Pretender Apr 2018
The bruises on my knees
And the bruises on my sleeves
Why do they last so long?
It really seems so wrong
Perhaps it’s the pooling of blood
That leave stains of purple mud
Or maybe it’s the way you let me go.
Falling and falling
When will I learn
To walk a different route?
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Come into my arms where you belong
He said to me with a smile
The drained youth and obsessive lies
Have made this world so vile
Red nails and whitened teeth
There has to be much more
There can't be much to offer
When you aren't keeping score
Great Pretender Apr 2018
Paper rustling and coffee brewing
Did anyone really know what they were doing?
Placed on a path where no flowers grow
Each step is taken with no gentle flow
Thinking and drinking
What were they thinking
Does anyone know where else flowers grow?
Great Pretender Apr 2018
I crave your warm touch
But you give me a cold shoulder
Is that too much to ask for?
Just turn away and leave.
He did not look back
My heart did crack
But then again… who could love me?

— The End —