i enjoy having you pressed against me,
mouth hot and on my neck with
your hands roaming my body like hungry lions on the prowl for its prey
yes of course i enjoy it
i love the warmth of your muscles and skin as they make their way around my body;
such a starving passion,
when the effort is heavy in your movements
but i crave something more of you
i crave for all the passion that seeps out of your fingertips when you touch me
to fly up into your veins and into your beating and ****** heart
i crave your love
but i crave the love that cannot be felt with hands

i used to hold the blade against my skin and say to myself, "you'll feel worse pain than this"
to convince myself to do it
and when i said that, i meant that the worst pain
would be that of you leaving me again
except you didn't leave
so the only pain left
is the one that i inflict upon myself

my thoughts are secret sentences
and i must hold and grind them between my teeth
i must make sure to make none slip
from my soft lips

or a Terrible Disaster
would be our new name

my mind is most definitely a garden
and you gave up being the gardener of it a while back
i used to let my thoughts grow wild and as they pleased, like flowers,
because i didn't have to worry about anyone stopping by to pick their favorites.
you're back now, and all my thoughts have scattered and grown twice as fast,
leaving my mind covered in vines speckled with purples and pinks and oranges,
a variation of thoughts.
but you're my secret gardener, you see;
i must sift through the sea of beautiful variations,
bundling up the most appropriate thoughts
and sending them out to be delivered to my neighbors, my friends,
choosing only the prettiest ones in the nicest sentences,
never giving away any special flowers that might grow alongside my skull
never revealing anything of my special gardener

you are the shining star
you are the shining star that broke my heart into
pieces, and helped me put it all back together
with promises of hope and love
you may not have shone as bright as other stars
but you flickered with such persistence
i did not quite understand, but
i felt that my soul understood your morse code-like flickers, and i tried to listen

you cannot die out yet
shining star, you cannot
you cannot cease to shine your promises of hope and love onto me each night
please, please you cannot go just yet

if you must leave again so soon,
i pray you take me with you

you should definitely drown me in your kisses
because i shouldn't be allowed to swim
i shouldn't even be given kisses

instead of holding my hand you
should hold the back of your hand up to my face before reeling it back for a smack on the cheek

i shouldn't be granted anything nice
i shouldn't be given anything lovely
anything pretty
anything worth something

*just ******* shut me up

your voice repeats in my head
like wind that whirls around
autumn leaves in the silent streets
of my little town.
their loud, cold shh's fill the atmosphere
and sound like a symphony of whispered phrases,
spoken with tongues that were drenched in love

your voice rustles my thoughts
around the bareness of my skull,
they echo into my mind all the memorable phrases i have heard you speak,
every one we exchanged that was dripping in our love and molded with our truths

your voice whistles like the whirling
wind that plays with those leaves,
and if i listen closely enough,

you're calling my name