I'm so sad,
so lost,
so alone.
I don't even know a place to call home.

For whom do I live for?
Why should my life be thought so dear,
when the one you say loves me, begins to disappear?

Alone
I had no friends.
I had no love.
I had no one but myself.
I saw everyone else.
I saw that they were happy.
I saw they had someone.
Where was my someone?
I waited.
You came.

Happy.
I had you.
I had your heart.
You had my whole.
We walked.
We talked.
We laughed.
We hugged.
We loved.
You left.

Alone.
I sit.
I cry.
I have no friends.
I have no love.
I have no one.
You left me
Alone.

You try and you try
You give everything you have
You pour out your heart
You put it all out on the line

It's never enough
It never seems to work out
It never matters how hard you try
It never matters how much you care

You keep telling yourself it will be okay
You reassure yourself you'll find the one
You say over and over there's someone perfect out there

But you never really know for sure
Do you?

When do i have my turn?
                                                                                                                                              
                                           I can't really wait much longer.

I hate myself so much.


I can't let myself be happy.
                    
                                            Why can't I have my turn?

He had a dream
Purple night's sky
Stars in all the right places
A rainbow of dark colors.
He had his paradise.

He lay on a hill of soft grass
Love in his heart
Love in his mind
Love in his eyes
Love in his arms
He breathed in the lavender air
smooth

He could see the mountains
He could see the trees
He was happy
and all was good
He smiled like he never had before

He woke up
He had a dream.

im scared
its dark
i feel so lost all the time
hello?
no one is there
why wont you help me?
i dont think i can make it
im so scared

She saw me for who I was
Didn't care about my flaws
Never complained once

Self destructive tendencies show themselves in the worst places
Pushing people away who only want to care for you
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do

So let's sit on a hill
a grassy hill under the sun

Let us lay within the breeze
It'll blow our minds away

We wouldn't care
They wouldn't dare

When all is said and done
Then it's over isn't it?

So if it's really done
then why are we still here?

I dunno

Hello.

                                                                                                                                                                                  







                                                                                                                                                                             Goodbye.

Somebody's at the door.
Knocking and knocking away.
Somebody's at the door.
They seem to be here to stay.

Don't answer it, it's dangerous.
What if he has a gun?
Don't answer it it's dangerous.
You don't have the time to run.

Look through the peep hole.
No one is there.
Look through the peep hole.
It's not polite to stare.

Let's go to a place where nothing matters.
Where we live in our dreams
and everything seems
live bright, vibrant beams
of yellow and white.

Let's go to a place where we can be happy
We're nothing but free
bursting with glee
high up in the trees
laughing into the night

Let's go to a place where everything glows
and nobody knows
how our love shows
an empty stream that flows
run into the light

Let's go to a place where we are together.

The last thing I ever thought I would do was try to make you cry.
Obviously being at college made me step back and look at things.

I realized how stupid I was, how I sacrificed my loyalty to my family to try and make you smile.
I know it was wrong
You know it too

I may have meant the things that I said and I never had really wanted anyone but you to see it.
I know it was harsh
I know I made you cry
I know.

I meant what I said
I’m still mad
and I still resent you
but I made you cry

I apologize for that

My one and only mission in this life is to make people happy
To make everyone’s life easier to live
I failed that goal
So miserably that it even made me cry.

I don’t expect forgiveness
I’m not even asking for it
I just want you to know that
So please know that

I love my sister, please leave her alone.
I love my family, don’t talk about them.
I love myself. I think you get the picture.

I loved you. At least I think I did.
I can’t seem to remember why though.
It could have been your smile
your laugh
your hair
the way you acted like you didn’t care about anything
how much you reminded me of myself.

Or maybe I was just mistaken.
I like to think it was that one.
I’m sorry, just know that.
I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

Come again?
I can't hear you, I can't hear anyone.
I can't hear anyone over myself.

All these sounds
All this noise
Nobody makes any sense except myself.

Save your time
Don't waste mine
The things you're saying are just noise.

Come again?
I won't hear you, I won't hear anyone
I won't hear anyone but myself.

There she was, just standing there!
Going about her own way so lightly
It was like she was floating.

Almost as if God were so proud of her
             He guided her along with the winds of heaven
             so she wouldn't even have to walk

She was magnificent in every way.
So perfect, like a cool breeze.
A breeze that blew through me and filled my body
             with life again.

Wow. What could I do?
She, an untamed creature of flawless beauty
              and me, just me.

Wow. I couldn't let her slip through my fingers.
I had to act, I had to make a move.

"Hey" I said.
"Hey" She said. She smiled.

She smiled.

She looked at me and said
"Why can't other guys be
like you" I just laughed and
smiled. She smiled too.

"Well I guess I'm just one
in a million, baby "She held
on to me. My smile slowly
faded. Even I didn't believe
what I had just said.

The life I once lived has long passed away.
A proverbial void, shrouded in grey.
The people that loved me never knew my name,
No one who knew me could ride on my train.

One day I'll be gone and no one will know.
On down the highway, way down the road.
The pain that I carry won't hurt me anymore.
For on that day I'll be with the Lord.

Pretty Girl, why can't you see me?
You used to see me
I always see you
How could you leave
What can I do?

Pretty Girl, why can't you hear me?
You used to hear me
I always hear you
How could you leave
What did I do?

Pretty Girl, why don't you want me?
You used to want me
I used to have you
Without words, you just leave
What will I do?

Pretty Girl, why did you change?
You no longer love me
I hate that I love you
Now you're so mean
That's it, I'm through

You see this look on my face?
One word
REGRET

Don't do what I did
Do what I didn't
When you see her
Don't just look
Talk to her
Make her laugh
Make her smile
Make her yours
Tell her how pretty she is
Don't just look
Take a chance
Make a fool of yourself
At least then you'll know
Unlike me
forever alone.

September is coming
The sun will set
The leaves will change

Everything else will stay the same

Look for the door
For heaven's sake
Don't be the one with an empty plate

Jump with the joy you've yet to know
Look up to the skies for Winter's first snow

Don't take these words for granted, but heed
Be the one with the prize winning seed

Pretty pink flowers and perfect blue skies
Looking deep past the lies you tell with your eyes.

Holding your hand, kissing your lips
Placing my arm around your sweet hips.

The trouble with me is I can't see
Living this life except in my sleep.

Sitting there at the table where my dreams had come to die.

I was alone, bleeding onto papers
Never knowing you were always watching

I was just sitting there at that table, letting life pass me by

I was all about my past
Letting it get to me
My only regret is having regret

Sitting there at that table. Killing those dreams.

Murdering everything I wanted
Squeezing life out with my hands

Blood covered the blank pages of all my hate
tears washed it all away.

Alone at that table. Letting my love die
I was saved by the voice, the voice of something new to me.

the voice that gave birth to dreams I could not ****

I had to have that voice, i had to make those dreams.

You gave them to me.
But then your well ran dry.

Back to the table now, both of our dreams will come to die.

When happiness reached its peak I was with you
I know we’re so far away
I know what you said to me, and how you say you want things to be
I know that you’re not ready for a “you and me”
I heard you say that you’re sorry and for that you have my sympathy
But can’t you see?
You’re beautiful.

I’m up here on my pedestal left to daydream
Alone up on this pedestal that I want nothing more than to jump off of.

I would hate myself if I didn’t say anything
I would be a liar if I didn’t

When I said I want it to work, baby, I meant it
I don’t want to sit by and watch what could have been pass away.

I’m reaching out.
I want that second chance.
I’m just waiting on you to take it for me.

it's dark in here
things are weird
not normal.

Perverted walls
perverted people

I hear things call out to me
deep distant cries far gone.

They came from the light
I once knew those voices

I tear away as hard as I can
No chance.

Claws rip me back down
deeper and deeper

the distorted laughter of the devil gets louder
I can't escape it no matter how hard I try.

I give up
Until another time.

There  was this girl. She was pretty, she was sweet, she was blonde, she was beautiful.

There was this boy. He was kind, he was caring, he had brown hair, he was naive.

They were perfect for each other. Where one lacked, the other succeeded. They complimented each others traits. They were made to be together.

           They never met
           They settled for different people
           They were never truly happy
           They died

I want to figure out
a way that I can be
happy and you can be happy
but only if we can both be
happy together.
Because, I love you.