Every breath of poison laced with a thought
The chill of the night so full of bitterness
Each passing drag a constant reminder
Forgotten lyrics and discarded melodies dance through my mind
Each line a memory and every tune a moment
Swirling like cold bath water abandoned after use
Consumed by the paralyzing loneliness that only 2 AM knows
Each cloud of smoke an escaping cry from my lungs
My stomach gnarled lurching to be free of this anxiety
The star laden sky looks down on me
A constant reminder of a more pleasant yesterday
The winter winds howl at my cheeks, knawing at my limbs with its icy dead fangs
Suddenly your number illuminates my phone
The algorithm emblazoned into my soul
Goosebumps and shivers emerge from the thought
That maybe you are breathing this poison too

When everything has lost it,
              And it’s hard to go outside,
Crawling through the basement,
              I guess I’m trying to hide,
Stuck beneath the blankets,
              These Windows are shut tight,
I run from my reflection,
              Right back into the night.

I’m only fighting myself...

It’s both strange and disturbing how even after all the time between us, the mere mention of your name in casual conversation or a fleeting glimpse of your sillouette from my periphery still has the power to make my stomach churn and cause this sutured heart to sink from it’s cavity.

You’re like a phantom limb; no longer attached to my torso, but still feeling and acting as if a permanent fixed appendage.

You’re like that phantom step at the bottom of the staircase; you trust that it is there in the darkness only to have your foot prematurely hit the floor.

You are the demon in my nightmares and the goddess in my dreams