I can't **** myself
  Because my parents just bought me a new computer,
  And that would be a waste of $1000.
I can't **** myself
  Because I put down my first college payment,
  And that would be a waste of $500.
I can't **** myself
  Because I still have half a pack of Marlboros,
  And that would be a waste of $4.
I can't **** myself
  Because I told a friend I would see her tomorrow,
  And that would be rude of me to cancel our plans.
But then again, I guess it's rude of me to make plans for a future
  That I don't expect to have.