I can't say I'm in love with you.
So I guess I will say I'm in like with you.
I think, I'm not sure.
I was in like with you at one point.
But for some reason I still feel
Feel a little like for you.
I  know its normal
It's human nature
But is this little like the last part that is hanging on to the past?
Or is it a ***** slap from reality
saying "You like him. Why are you leaving him?"
I don't think I love him.
Maybe I like him
Just maybe I do...
I try to tell myself that love at my age isn't important.
But my heart sings other wise.
I know It's normal
It's human nature.
Am I in like with you?
Like...Like...Pondering the word, phrase,feeling, the touch
I guess I want to like you but I don't want to get hurt.
You will leave and soon I will too.
The reason I don't say love is because
Love is finding the other half of your soul.
Do I like?
Do you like?
Will we like?
Love...

March 20th
I couldn't sleep
Life was good
Mom got rid of that piece **** car
We had money again
I had a new Daddy
And it was the most my sister had been stable
I was thinking how my birthday was only 31 days away
I would be turning 10
But that was not what had kept me up
It was the paranoia of something bad happening
life was too good
to quiet.
I didn't understand
I wouldn't stop images in my head
Of of being robbed,death,seizures reoccurring...
I couldn't sleep
Not a wink.
I never understood why.
March 10th
Mom kept coming home late
I became scared if something happened
I had a sensation telling me that she was in a car accident
Or she was going to be in one
Would I be in the car?
She came in and I broke down
Crying
I told her that I was afraid
Afraid of her getting into a car accident
Of her getting hurt
She said that it wasn't going to happen
She would call me, now that she understood
April 10th
Excited that 11 more days to go
Til I  turned 10
Finally I was going to be out of the single digits
I would be a double digit
I would be older and cooler and get more respect
I could hang out with the older kids
My sister Emmy and I
were hungry and bored
So we decided for once to get along
And watch a movie til mom got home from work
Mom was a 35 year old teacher who worked with drop outs,delinquents, and victims
I thought of them all as my family
The movie wasn't over and we called 100 times
Wonder where she was
I got scared
Headache
tear eyed
heart sank
felt weak
but brave
THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK
My new Dad came running down the stairs
Before he could say it.
Before he could
I already knew
I jumped up and said "MOM WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT!!!"
He looked at me funny for a second and then said "Yeah."
He told us to go over a friends house
We could of spent the night but I couldn't tolerate it
Turns out she was trying to make life better for us.
She wanted to go work with autistic kids, in a different school...
With a better pay and better hours.
A better life for us.
Not that she didn't love her job.
She wasn't leaving her 2nd family.
She was doing this for us.
April 12th
It was the longest 2 days of my life
It felt like 2 weeks or 2 months
That was when time became slower than slow
She was bruised,cut,and broken
Not just physically.
Emotionally was the worst pain over all.
To be 9 not 10 just quiet yet
To see your mother in pain
As she cried on my shoulder
And her little solider was out to war
So her older son couldn't come home anymore
He couldn't be there for her
In her time of need
He was fighting for peace
But peace is what needed to be given
Not just her, but to all of us
I was scared ,But brave none the less
There was darkness all around
Time was slow
To this day
April 10th is the most hated day
The day where I almost lost my mother
But someone else lost theirs
She is still in pain
Emotionally is still the worst
As she cries on my shoulder
I know
I understand
That
WE WERE LUCKY
WE WERE ALL HURT
AND THIS PAIN...
Will be taken to the grave.
But while we are alive.
And we all survived.
I can see the light again.

Shut up
why do you let them get to you
I'm sorry but they don't speak the truth
I'm not in love with you
Yeah so, you looked me up
You figured it out
My past
The underground star
that was never put to rest
Simply because no one would let me
The Girl born as a quadruplet
The heir of a famous Dance Academy
The girl who wrote choreography by the age of five
Before she could even spell her name
The same girl's grandmother who died on her birthday from cancer
the same girl who moved away
to a place where they could never find me
The place were only one who knew the real me
Were best friend now
Although they were destined to find me
Once I became published again
For my illness
My parents fatal accidents
The death of my bother Christen
Another brother who went to war
And justifying school systems in our town
So once again living in a shadow of an untold mess
no one will let me rest
But you weren't to certain about one thing
You were afraid to ask
What happened  to him?
He also died.
He was 13 and I was 14
He was the only person I have known since birth
We had one of those little kid relationships
We didnt know what we were doing
We thought holding hands would make a baby
Well...At least he did.
I guess you could 7 years.
only 1 year 11 months and 8 days
Just  like the others you wont let me rest
I'm sorry

I always believed in one true love
One person on earth
I really hope
My one true love approaches me
Before I'm old and gray
This is what I hope
Hate breeds war
Society will fall
The human race
Decrease
I really hope
I live long
Stay alive
Too see this world in peace
Faces come and faces go
With an uneven flow
They do this like a stream
looking upon this stream
I see the relaxation of myself
It reveals the truth
of a lonely person
I really hope
I can change this present time
Just maybe
Maybe this lonely person
Will have a hand to hold
This is my dream
To have hands to hold
Many faces in this stream
looking back indeed
This would be grand not to be alone
Anymore
Before I pass away I really hope
Love will be my companion
To the heavens
I really hope I really do
No war
No hate
Just love
This is what I want

As I stand on the shore of the mighty ocean
I feel the hidden message
lessons to be learned
I watch the tides roll in
high to low
low to high
Life can be the same way
Tears fall
your eyes may become cold
I see a flock of seagulls fly as one
I, myself have chosen the path of the lone
Great Wolf
Although I dreamed of being a part of a pack
The problem was that it was only a dream
the moon appears through darkened skies moves
A perfect romantic scene for some
While the lonely only dream for  a chance
For that dream
The ocean with a hidden message
Are given to the ones with an open heart.

When I was young
I spoke in a broken tongue
In a weak tune,
I pleaded,
I needed,
To be understood.
No one
took time
or patience,
to understand
No one!
Besides her
We are best friends
We were raised in a broken home
For she sacrificed and stood alone
not completely alone
but with me.
She sacrificed her own life for mine
I will never meet a woman who will ever be as kind
My sister is my guardian angel, in this broken home.

When times are rough
When the skies in your world become grey and black
search down into your soul
search for your inner spirit
your inner spirit
will guide you through
stormy times
You strength will deepen
Search with you soul
Find your spirit
Search...Remember this
Storms move on
never give up
After the storm moves on there is always a rainbow as well hope