a cup of something strong
because i can't be
fingers circling the ring of the cup
wondering if i'll find myself in it
contemplating the crash it would make
hitting the wall
remembering the pressed-together lips and choked back pleases
when i did

it had been a privilege
to be blissfully happy
to be running too fast with you
to have blurring colors around us
to have that giddy feeling in my stomach
to look for a foothold and be delighted
to come up short

no whispered                                         please.
no murmured
                                                                  tell me why?
not a single "                                           i
don't understand."
just a cold
hard "                                                       can
you just accept this?
i want to                                                  be
someone else."


no. we left it there.
or you did.
                                                                  so
i guess this is
as                                                              much
as i get; i guess
there's no                                                more.
just 11pm
and what it might have been.