Opportunity arrived that day,
Always one for opportunity, your gears began to turn.
But it arrived as swiftly as I took it away.

Your brow became furled, your eyes grew dim.
I refused your plea, your curiosity to within.

I play it safe, I keep myself chained.
I’m not spontaneous,
And to you I'm tame.

I look past and ahead,
I'm optimistic.
“But optimism is no match for reason” you said.
This love is logical and right
and “you’re my best friend”

But my dear best friend,
I have to ask,
Why is it that through all this struggle,
Through all this wonder and love
You only see the end?

Beads of water, like strings of pearls postponed in movement on my skin
Reflect light.
I watch, each new droplet hesitantly release and descend from my tangled hair.
The wet locks seem like lux drapery, framing my face.
I sit, encrusted in this simple beauty,
Unable to move. I too am a pearl, set in place.
Perfect to You perhaps
Polished and made pure by Your divine creation,
I place a hand to my head, busy with thoughts of confusion.

Torn between You and you.
I know I am loved,
Whether I'm polished or scuffed.

I started a grain of sand with You,
And a pearl with you.
I have become that pearl through You
And I have grown beyond through you.

I love You,
And I am in love with you.

you cut me loose from my strand and scuffed my skin.
You lifted my chin and absolved all sin.
you dried me and swept back the drapes,
Had me and held me.
You hold me in the palm of Your hand and marvel at Your creation.
You are my strand.

But you,
you are my freedom.

“It’s going to be a golden day”,
You’d say before you left
Every morning, I’d mourn for your return.
A golden, golden, golden day
Turns to night.
You’d get on that big metal bird,
And soar so high.
I’d look way up to that big blue sky
And I’d wave goodbye
At every passing bird
At every passing star
I’d wish and pray for you,
Until my knuckles turned white
I’d lie in my bed and pull my covers so tight
Over my head in my own cocoon
Where morning seemed so far away
When the sun would rise and everything was golden again.
A golden, golden, golden day
Ready to begin
A new day where
Maybe
You were safe and near
And Mom wouldn’t shed a single tear.
Arms warm and wide,
And I’d find myself nestled inside
Where there was no danger and there was no fear.
Now that I am older, I look out into that big empty sky
That covers all the places you’ve been,
It’s scary and wide, not golden like you said,
And as my world is zooming by
Like that big metal bird in the sky,
I wonder how you live each day with a smile
Across your face, I look for comfort,
And I see
Golden, golden, golden.

I’m deafening myself from the inside
Running crop circles into my mind.
The same thoughts over, over, over and over
Banging on the door
Scraping away
At that door .
I’ve tried to keep it locked
And I’ve tried to keep those thoughts in their place.
But they scream and yell.
They crack and stomp.
They pound and break
Into my dreams and my chest.
They burn in my chest
And they
Rip
And they
Tear
And they
Scare me.
And I’m left bare.
All because they got out.

It’s coming to a close,
A chapter I’ve revisited from beginning to end,
In my mind all the moments
Like white sheets of paper in freefall
No longer bound in a book.
I can’t catch them.
Nor I contain them.
They fly like swallows
They fall like snow.
Some, shine more brightly before others,
Lights aloft in a dark velvet sky.
You and I
Look up from below
At those crystal moments.
See, there now.
See, thereafter,
When you’re miles away,
In a brand new place,
When we start a new chapter.