The sky smiles at me and I wonder why is something so cheerful so blue?
Why do fish not grin?
Why does pain exist?
Why do people believe in a God?
Why is that God so distant to me?
Why am I always alone?
Why?
And I keep on smiling at the sky, and forget.

Catch me in the rye,
Save me from myself,
Hold me all night long,
Dare me to love thyself,
Teach the torches to burn,
Teach my heart to love,
Hold its shattered pieces inside your arms.

Save me from my horror,
Caress my wrists so soft,
Praise these scars for making,
The person that you love,
Bring my tears to reckon,
Reconcile my fears,
Fight the monsters with me,
Just don't let me go dear.

Mind racing, heart stops pacing, cannot tell my toes from my fingers.

Its just a dance, a high price dance, where my body disconnects from my racing head.

Palms aching, legs shaking, my body cannot handle my mind.

Cannot, cannot the words pound in my head with an ever resounding Thwop that murders my cells all night.

Help, I cry, I want to scream but words can’t touch my mouth.

Acid mouth that poisons lips and drops them dead right here.

Poison, poison in my veins begging for some nourishment from the silence.

Beautiful is nothing that I say when I look in the mirror to see another’s face, missing my own from memories of heartless futures of nevermore.

Poe knew words that I do not know, wrote them more eloquently than this thirsty heart can ever wish to obtain

I wish I may I wish I might end this heartlessness tonight to burn my soul into  deadly resurrection.

Stop my toes from twitching stop this heart from beating stop my soul from  combusting in the hot sunlight juxtaposed with its secret darkness.

Help.

All I want is help.

Stop.

All I want is for it to stop, for the pain of a thousand years to jump off my shoulders and find a new host to **** dry.

Let me be new, renew my body and heal it from this wicked curse, and save me from killing myself from the inside out.

The malignant light blinds me into a drunken haze, intoxicating my toes until my body begins to dance, thoughtlessly

  Eyes closed, arms open, godly, peaceful, strong

Why doesn't everyone raise their arms to the grateful sky and soak in the golden bath of golden sun, to feel for once in their lives golden

Why do I seem alone in my gentle ****** curve while they seem bland and gray, straight lined lips across their face, a line of soldiers, unforgiving and unbreakable.

Why do I only feel joy?

  Thoughts shoot through me like tommy gun bullets through the streets of old Chicago, covered in hot blood, hot money, and hot nights. Drugs in my veins, matches in my pockets, all eyes on me and my mafia heart raising a pistol to my brain and conquering its control.

  Baby I like it, the way I move through the floor, seeing the monsters that weren’t there before, descending into maniacal darkness unknown, smiling while I’m screaming, never alone

  Sunshine, you are mine, my arms coddle you close, the sunshine endlessly streaming through my fingertips, a buzzing crescendo of ecstasy. You are all mine. This perfect heart contained in the cavity of this body overbeats, skipping steps, tumbling forward, 800 miles per hour, too fast to be caught by the blue-sheilded men who wish to stop it. Stop this heart and stop the world, for it is its red hot core.

  Pompous, conceited, it paints itself across my soul, yet I cannot contain what my emotions do, a little  twisted, a little crazy, a little unwell.

  And then I crash again.