what would i say to you?
              would you care to listen
                  that my eyes no longer glisten?
would it be worth attempting to speak
           when my heart, mind and soul are weak?
or would i be speaking to deaf ears
                that cannot bear to hear all my fears?

maybe if you could see the fear
              birthed well within  my soul
maybe if you could feel
             the wounds that perforated even the depths of my being
maybe if you could smell
             the suffocating death deep within me
maybe if you could taste
             the saltiness of my tears, and

maybe if you could hear the screams of my bleeding heart
                           maybe, then you would understand the extent
                                                      of the damage you have created..

so i lay with the words buried in my heart
trembling and silent.

the trees dance and the winds whisper my name
to walk on the lies you could no longer tame.
keep running from whom I once held dear
gasping from the suffocation of my fear.


how I long to strip off my skin
the world's spinning, obscuring his sin.
screaming and my face full of tears
but it falls on deaf ears.


fall to my knees and cry out to the skies
seeking rest in the eyes of The One so wise
and he said: "I'll take upon myself what is broken and shameful,
to give you life and make you beautiful."

lie to me
lie to me and tell me you're happy
lie to me and tell me that life is all that you wanted it to be
lie to me and tell me that you don't ever think of me
lie to me and smile with your eyes as you die
lie to me and laugh with your heart crumbling before your eyes
lie to me and say you don't love me
lie to me and say you never think of me in your dreams
lie to me.



tell me that everything is fine.
and tell me that you were never meant to be mine.



lie to me because you know i never will.
wish i could tell you that i hope you
cry.
die.
lie restless at night
thinking of the child that was ours
ache in your heart knowing you
rejected your
own
blood.
and though the tears come streaming down like floods
lie to me.

you come to me in my dreams
haunt me, taunt me.
tell me sweet lies
and our time together flies
only to wake alone
heavy with a heart of stone

and i'd give anything
to hear you sing
i carry you deep within me
i feel you in the breeze by the sea

calling, calling my name
and i am here to blame.

if only you knew
how long i've wished that i would forget you too

if only you understood
that i did everything that i could.

if only you could remember
that you promised me forever.

if only you would care
that deceiving me, was more than just unfair.

im living in memories that will not fade
but in this bottomless pit, my bed i have made.

i don't understand what i have done wrong
im doing my best to keep it together, but i'm not that strong.

i had a love for one, so dear, throughout the seasons
faithful and unfailing that need not a reason

for an endless love, i promised to wait
but you and i weren't destined to be fate.

caught in the cross-fire of your destruction.
and i fight myself to not return the hatred and the anguish
you see, what you did, was selfish
self-loathing
perverse
destructive
destroying life and its joy
i look at the trees dance in midst of winds and storms
and i long for their serenity
grace
peace
and beauty
their branches may break
but they continue life growing
i watch her
helpless
hurt
bound
caged like a bird
that belongs in the free skies
flying high and low
as it pleases
but you held her
robbed her
tore her
leaving her
searching
for a love
something to fill the void
the more i see
more i hate
the more i want to hurt
****
you
and
i.
you for
taking
manipulating
taking advantage of her
innocence.
and i
for watching
not giving her
sufficient love
to make
her
realize
that you
were not
her lover
her care-giver
her provider
her everything
but that
you were her
button to
self-destruction
her
predator.

there is so much on my chest that i want to say,
but i don't know how to say it to you
so how about i start by telling you how much
i hate you
how much i hope you crumble
how i long to see you cry
hurt
want to scream, but not find the
voice
to say what is aching you
eating you from the inside
ripping at your heart as
you gasp for air
how i long for you to feel the
suffocation
as you try and beg to breathe
with my hands tightly clenched around your neck
i want you to look
up at the sky
and find no solution
no resolution
no escape
but to face your mistakes
and accept your fate.
hope you look in the mirror
and feel the need to destroy
the animal that looks back at you.
heartless
you took my hope for tomorrow
my last breath
the essence of my being.
cold
and abandoned
you left me
naked and wounded
scarred
with haunting memories of
what i gave away.
i hope when you lay to sleep
you sweat
you wake up
screaming
wanting to run from
what you have done
regret
making the decision that you did
crying
for another chance
to take back
and fix what you have broken
finding
that there is no turning back time
for stealing what once was mine.