My erratic heart
won’t allow
a warm, steamy, delicious cup of coffee
nor a refreshing potion of gin
the sensuous dissolving of a bite of cheesecake
in my mouth seems a distant memory
all these minor losses
accrue into a long slow goodbye.

My prayer is
to go deeper
so I can go wider
in the middle
of now

The orbit of my days
is degrading
this pervading darkness
a gravity
that’s shrinking the life out of us

Sun shines through
the first orange leaves of autumn
coolness has settled
on the grass now turning a slight yellow.

Again we are in a season
of transition
me and Earth.

I am comfortable here
in this autumn.

Awakened by a nightmare
       lost my wallet and belongings
fear in the darkness
my prayer empty
dominated by fright
here I am writing
on this lit screen
trying to find peace
and security.

Is it a malady of our species
this fear in darkness
always looking for light?
If not a malady,
the human condition.

In my awakeness I know
sanity is learning to live in smear,
the swirling mixture
of darkness and light
for now.

My hurting
spits and barfs
my ire
making those nearest
into my victims

My expectations
are chains
pressing down
hovering wings
keeping me from the sparkle
in you