Humanity's plight began
with the dawn of reflection.
The first flipped image returned
to the ape man's retina
conjoured a romantic enchantment:
The birth of a sin.
Glorified and horrified by our
Mother's indiscriminate hand,
we elevated and relegated ourselves
above and below the land.
Our conceited self-perception
forges the belief that we can know All.
But if the Great Wall were to know
of its magnitude it would fall;
if the pig heard the slaughterhouse
call it would fly -
The day we live to live will be
the day we learn to die.

Time to distinguish the linguist from the clown,
the smile from the frown, the man from the town.
There's no way upward and no way downward,
just a longshortnarrowwidestraightwindinglightdark
path ahead. Dreams of tomorrow's epochal moments
spin me with dread. The lead of a bullet elsewhere
punishes bone as a kid somewhere else does a runner
from home, yet I sit here alone saying little doing less.
My memories are fragments, my best answer's a guess.
Is the world really more of a mess than it was yesterday?
I guess that depends on what you like to see.

******* and your dear old trains,
hard seats and beat staff selling
rip-off chaff on chariots of mass
profits. The **** merchant gazes
through dead eyes and scratched
plastic as he charges up my **** with
an astronomical figure. A smile
on his bosses face as he races
into his office with more bloated
profits is all he can think of as he
sinks my high hopes into an oblivion
of rage. "*******" I tell him as he
flashes his price, 'that's twice what
I've already paid', but "mind your
language" is all he says as if that's
worse than ****** a man half your age.
He can't use his brain independently
from the movement of his masters
strings, he must watch the news
as if he's staring at his personal
kings - what a *****. All I can do now
is accept my fate of a few boring dates
with the telephone and my mates
at East Mids Trains, but that's in the
future and the **** merchant's in the
past, now I speed towards memories
I hope will far outlast that **** behind
the plastic and the ***** to whom his
thoughts are cast. Bring on
The Big Smoke.

Laying on the bed
our bodies inches apart
our minds miles apart.
Your hand brushes against mine,
sandpaper on glass.
I shudder, I hope you don't notice.
You always do.

"You're different"
If only you knew why

Your eyes hold sadness,
I avert mine.
How can I look at you anymore?
I can hardly stand to feel your touch.
Oh, how I longed to be touched.

"Are you okay, hon?"
If only I knew why

Your pet name make me nauseous.
Morning sickness?
Mourning sickness.
The death of this
love
is so
tragic...?
I guess.
Like a romantic novel?
Sure.
But,
I have never been a sucker for romance.

"Do you even love me anymore?"
If only you knew how

You were my hero(in)
Like a lost puppy,
I was a lost soul.
You found me, starving
for love.
You took me under your wing,
Under your sheets.
Oh how magical it all was.
Was.
But,
the fire is out.

"Please...answer me"
If only I knew how

Please stop begging,
you're only hurting yourself.
You look so broken.
Like a child, you stare at me
Wide eyed.
Longing for answers.
Your blues have faded to pales.
I blame myself.
How can I hurt you like this?
Oh, right
I have no heart.

"I love you"
****

I wince,
like I was just pricked with a needle.
I can't do this to you.
Besides, I am not ready to fall asleep alone
Again.
I manage to swallow my pride
and utter those four God-forsaken words.

"I love you, too..."





*I'll just fake it



for a little while longer...

Thoughts racing, heart racing, lungs racing.
Stop.
Breathe.

This isn't real, you are not real, nothing is real.
Stop.
Breathe.

Falling, drowning, choking.
Stop.
Breathe.

Losing control, losing faith, losing my mind.
Stop.
Breathe.

Closer to the edge, closer to insanity, closer to you.
Stop.
Breathe.

I am broken, I am alone, I am surreal.
Stop.
Breathe.

In. Out.
Inhale. Exhale.
Let go.

We hold a party every year at the end of
Summer when the nights are cool,
And we can have Halloween early.
It’s an excuse. It's always an excuse.

Flowing out from various cracks
We come together.
Always we come here;
It reminds us of something.

There is a flat in London you see.
A flat with a cage and a man who lies
To everyone he meets.
To everyone but me.

It was something we never had,
Sure, we like to imagine,
Imagine the Thames is warm and
The sleet will stop.

The rain is never warm here,
And tequila can only do so much.
Alcohol just helps us undress
And dissolve each other's shame.

Our blood mingles and it hurts.
The sand in it scrapes the walls,
And there is only so much a body can take.
So much a body can take.

It’s a select group, though we'd never
Admit it.
Our lovers and friends don’t know it
And we are a little afraid of one another.

Betrayal is so easy for us
It’s laughable.
Broken hearts are easily mended,
Besides, we have eachother.

We each of us live in four different worlds,
And none of them collide. Then we
come together in  incestuous ******.
We're not related.

None of us are related,
But we are family,
And every family has it's wounds.
Ours is ******.

My brother has a flat in London you see.
The flat has a cage, and he lies about it.
He lies about it to everyone but me.

inside the cavernous darkness of my heart,
lies a candle long forgotten.
i wait for a match, a perfect match.
one that can light the flame
that he so carelessly doused.

i built that wall, with the strongest blocks.
let no one in, ever again.
to not have emotions, is to keep safe.
so i created a character, a new me.
she has all the characteristics of the old me..
but she's faking it.
i'm not proud of her, but
it's survival of the fittest.
and i just don't seem to fit.