There was a time where everything ran smoothly,
had no worries, no stress.
There was a time where happiness was my trademark,
never settled for less.
Now those days are gone, like generational changes they all in the past;
And the only form of memories of them are just flashbacks and blurred images.
Everything is suddenly complicated like puberty stages.
Premature changes;
now my life seems to be an endless horror movie and I cant face it.
The split second pains are unbearable, not even Goliath stand to embrace it.
Cast down to what seems to be a battlefield; I'm at war with my own life, and chances of victory are weak, a thousand to none.
What I am facing is the exact opposite of what I stand for,
like the devil compares to a nun.
I am surrounded by gothic colours  like I am colour blind.
which leaves me to wonder if a brighter tomorrow will ever come...

So many questions with no answers,
so many problems but no solutions.
How on earth will I rise above this world of confusion?
How can I claim to love when I have forgotten how it feels to  be loved?
How can I be happy when I'm feeling so much pain and that so called happiness seems to be just a meaningless status.
How can I choose to live when death seems like the best option.


How will I rise from all these mixed emotions?
How will I rise above my problems when they have become a huge part of my daily devotions?
How do I continue living when the life I'm living is not worth living?
               No one knows how I feel...
No one sees these inner scars and wounds that are too deep to heal.
No one sees my endless stream of tears when I cry.
              and believe me, I try...
I try soo hard to scream and shout for help,
but no one seems to notice or attempt to care.
my feeble knees won't carry me,
so how will I rise when no one there or willing to give me a hand.
Yet they are too quick to judge, but look pat my struggle to stand.
It is said that when days are dark, friends are few..
Well lately the same applies for family too.
                   So where do I go?
                   What do I do?
I am alone in this wretched  world with nowhere ore no on to turn to.
Nowhere to run.
So how?
                   HOW DO I RISE???

The thought of makes me burn with a desire to cry;
when I hear your name I remember the many times I stood there listening  to you lie.
Knowing your ways of deception, I still choose to forgive you;
hoping that you would somehow change.
You always had stories that never added up,
you played your game well, and I must admit, you took the cup.
You played me like a video game and always advanced in stages of deception.
Yet I somehow always had it in me to forgive you.

I watched you smile and lough and wondered if you were laughing at the heart you were busy breaking.
You would hold my hand but deep down inside you were letting go of my love.
I wonder if you knew that there was never a night that went by without me thinking of you.
Was there ever a day where you thought about or considered the paint that you were putting me through?
            amazingly I forgive you.

Not because you deserve my forgiveness, but because I pity you.
Your failure to recognise genuine sincere love caused you a lifetime of prospective happiness.
You destroyed the one thing that was right and perfect for foolish pitiful wrong split second moments.
         All I can say is, thank you

Thank you for everything you put me through;
because now I'm stronger than I was.
It is said that wisdom is gained through personal experiences,
so I am more wiser than I was.
You taught me how to withstand pain and disappointments,
how to be patient and endure the storms and hardships in a relationship.
Thanks to you I will be able to love and care for the woman God is preparing for me.
which is the exact opposite of you.
                                THANK YOU