Again*
Here it is again.

You made me happy
You made me smile

But again, you broke my smile

You make me want to hurt myself again
You make me want to die again

Maybe dying would be better

Than to feel all this pain
Than to suffer every day

From my blood shot eyes
From my broken heart

But I still try to survive

Hoping that maybe, maybe

Tomorrow would be better

Up until now
I never fully understood
Things like feelings
And the way it felt inside you

Like butterflies in the stomach
And cold sleepless nights
Like being head over heels
And having an empty bed

Up until now
I never fully understood
Things like feelings
But maybe now I kinda do

You and I, we're an unexpected pair
Two people unlikely to stand each other
People would talk, they'd talk a lot
Trying to break these holding hands of ours

So I got my shield up
Prepared for the worst
Standing firm
To be able to stay with you

I thought I could handle it
One blow after another
Hitting harder and harder
Until I  finally fell down

My body felt nothing but pain
No hate, no anger, just pain
Still, even after every tear
I couldn't get myself to leave you

Every time I'm on the brink of giving up
You come up to me like an angel
Catching me off guard
And letting me feel your warmth

So I realized
I don't need a shield
Because no matter what happens
At the end of the day, I would still love you

I would always love you
No matter how weak I become
And how you always pick me up
Letting me know that you would always love me too

I am a phase
A page
In your stories for two

In a race
A cage
In my story with you

Let me be held close
With the door wide open

So when you let go
I'll be easily forgotten

You got it all wrong*
I tried to explain
She doesn't want to listen
Too stubborn
Too hurt
But she got it all wrong

We can never happen*
She said.

We can NEVER happen.

At that moment

My whole world froze
My heart stopped

I thought I died.

I didn't

But how I wish I did.

Please.
Let me lock you within my arms.
It pains me not being with you.
Knowing you're with another.
When you smile because of another,
I pretend to be blind.
When you laugh because of another,
I pretend to be deaf.
I want your smile..
I want your laugh...
To be mine...

I love you*
I said it
I said those words
Words so heavy, with priceless value
Yet you replied nothing
And within that silence
You could hear
The sound of my heart
Shattering

Always staring
While you're not looking

I keep on observing
I keep on noticing

I know how your hands move
While speaking in front of people

I know how your eyes shift
Seeking something more than what you see

I know how you walk
Your feet wandering aimlessly on the ground

I know how you smile
To stranger, acquaintances, and friends

I know how you speak
How your voice brings symphony wherever you go

I know how you run
How I worry that you might fall

I know how you cross the road
Not even looking at the cars that'll come by

I could write even more
But I'm afraid it would take me forever

For every day I notice something new
For every day I always stare at you

The only time that I don't is when you look at me
My head turns away, my heart could never handle  it

What is comfort?
Is it the feeling?
Or the feeling of the feeling?

Is it the warmth of two bodies embracing?
Or the chilling security of solitude?

Is it something someone can give
to another who searches?

Or is it something that can be created
naturally without the choices?
----
Am I comfortable to be with?
Or is being with me comfortable?
----
Do we need comfort?
Or is it something that we've been told we needed?

I told myself
- and I'm still telling myself -
I won't orbit anymore.

I'll get rid of the googly eyes
the constant craving for affection
and the suffocating attachment I give

But not surprisingly,
I'm failing.
Failing miserably - "blindly"

Let's face it.
I've already fallen.
To be more accurate, orbited.

I told myself
- and I should keep telling this to myself -
I won't cry because of my feelings for another person anymore...

But dear,
I am failing miserably.