Ginger Gray

Ginger Gray Feb 2012

A young body
Young face
Young heart

An old soul
Old memories
Deep understanding

I get judged
Misunderstood.
"She's young,
she won't understand,
she won't get the point.
She never does."
I do.
I understand more than you do.
I know why they do it.
I know how they feel
deep down.

"She's young...
she's expected
to make bad decisions.
She's supposed to say the
wrong thing."
I don't.
You are too daft to comprehend my
reasoning.
You don't know why I said
what I said.

Yes,
I am young.
Yes,
I am free.
Yes,
I am outspoken.

But no,
I am not unintelligent.
No,
I am not out of control.
No,
I am not always wasting my time.
No,
I am not a person concerned with the meaning of life
For I know the meaning of life.

I am a writer.
I am a poet.
I write deep.
I write from my broken, wrenched soul.
and yet
I am a scant 14 years.

Ginger Gray Feb 2012

They won't miss us.

Flames
Licking around the columns
Into the windows.
Acid rain
Splattering my decently ancient notebook
Tears on a dark day.
Taffeta
Crumpling into a heap gracefully on the floor
Embellished with sunshine.
Search lights
Shining into my open window
I know they're looking for you.
A voice
In the dark
Your voice, how I've missed it.
They won't miss us.
They won't blink an eye.
Won't shed a tear for our disappearance.
I kiss you one last time.
Let the flames engulf my fragile frame.

Ginger Gray Feb 2012

Missing you

I miss the awkward silences.
The way music used to get louder
when the lights went out.
That little sore
on the inside of my bottom lip
after we kissed.

I miss the tension of your grip
on my arm where the razor left his mark.
The way you used to talk to me...
The way you used to listen...
The way you used to
*Care.

Ginger Gray Feb 2012

Eva

Dear Eva,
You make really strange noises when you sleep.
I'm sorry I pick on you so much...
I don't know how to properly get out my anger
I usually do it by picking on you and/or punching my ex-boyfriend.
You are one of the most gorgeous people I have ever seen.
It makes me really jealous and angry
One of the reasons I pick on you.
You enjoy school quite a bit
You're really good at it too.
You're only 10 but I am now sure from what you were telling me today
about the five page play you are writing
that you have achieved the point in your life at which
you are pretty much the smartest person here...
in this waiting room.
Eva,
You sing a lot...
And you run around the house twirling
like butterflies used to do before they turned plastic.
You make me smile and laugh
You remind me what its like not to think about
how many minutes are left until I get to leave.
You talk to animals like they are babies
You draw pictures of flowers and little
cottages nestled in the woods
where they should be.
You still think boys are gross...
I envy that trait.
You don't over-think ****.
So innocent, so straight to the point.
You are an annoying little *****.
But I love you.
And I hope you know that.
You are my sister
I will always be here
for you.

Ginger Gray Jan 2012

Living room

You tuned my guitar all funny
I kept it that way
Saying "I like the way it sounds..."
And I do
But I mostly keep it this way because
I like to sit in my living room
And play my guitar tuned to F
And imaging you sitting here
Weeks before
In the same place
Playing the same guitar
The same way you like to tune it.

Ginger Gray Jan 2012

Knife of Stone

I have a sore back today
It made me think of you

Today while I was skiing,
Actually, while I was crashing
There in the air inches from the ice I was destined to hit
I was thinking
I thought of you
And how I hate you for that
You ****.
You make me love you like that
And then you tell me
"Oh yeah...I left you for that girl you kinda dated..."
*******.
And I was supposed to be okay?
Unscathed?
Unbroken?

Tell me you never wanted this to die.
And you were the one who stabbed it in the heart
With your knife of stone
With frozen tears on your cheeks
With the blood on your hands
So please,
Take that to your own grave,
Not mine.

And now I am here
With a sore back
Thinking about you again
Thinking about how I hate you
And thinking about how I love you
And thinking about my stupid cramping stomach
And thinking about that ibuprofen that I took
And and wondering why it's not working
And wondering if I should take more
To end it all...

Ginger Gray Jan 2012

Object

I felt that you loved me
I did
But I felt like an object

You toyed with my heart
You left me behind
You called me a fool.
But alas,
I fell in love

You used me...
Your pair of lips.
Your hand to hold.
Your shoulder to cry on.
Your female object.

The body to show.
My legs,
My chest,
My ****.

Whatever.
I'm not your ******* property.

I wish I didn't love you.
I wish I wasn't an object.

You choose me,
A monster of self doubt.
You told me I was beautiful
Told me that I had no reason
No reason to disfigure my own body.

You only made it worse.
And I hope it slowly eats away at you
Editing the way you used to life,
So confident
So capable.

I hope that I,
The object
The simple doll
for your abuse,
The girl with the legs,
The girl with the heart,
Changed you,
The man of ice,
The man
I am sad to say
I love.