I feel nothing.

Your face,

your voice,

your laugh,

your smell,

They evoke nothing in me.

You dont make my heart soar

you dont make my mind blur

or my soul feel rich and full

you dont take my breath away

you dont give me palpitations

your complements mean nothing.

You used to be my greatest obsession.

Now you mean nothing to me,

because I mean absolutely nothing to you

You know them when you see them

Perfect everythings and they know it

Perfect Lips, Perfect hips

Everything perfectly painted

Down to the smile on their face.

A boy on each arm

And several to spare

They flip their hair and

The boys snap to attention

Then she walks down the ranks

Smiling and winking

Cause she knows just what they are thinking.

I always thought i would grow out of being this sad,
not get sadder as I grow up

Nights I can’t remember
Texts I shouldn’t have sent
The headache ill have in the morning
Regret that’ll last longer than the ache
And of course to looking back and saying
“**** I can’t believe I did that!”

For no reason what so ever

For everything thats ever happened, is happening, or will happen

For something completely unrelated to your life

For something purely selfish

For everything and everyone thats hurt you

For you hurting you

For all the reasons you hate another person

For all the reasons you hate yourself

Tonight is that night.

That thinks about how this entire generation is going to die so young?
We are all these artsy,
                                    creative,
                                                  smart kids
                                                                     with such huge dreams…
but we are all looking for our fix,
                                               our rebellion,
                                                                our taste of freedom.
"It’s just a phase" he tells me
          Alcohol stained breath drifting across the room mixing with my                                        
                                                                                  cigarette smoke.
But doesn’t he understand?
     These are addictions….
          We can’t just wake up as adults and no longer feel the need to prove           
          ourselves.
Alcohol.
            Drugs.
                       Steroids.
                                      ***.
                                              Cigarettes.
                                                                 Love….

We are all addicted to something that…
                                                            …takes the pain away.
                                                            …numbs our minds.
                                                            …makes us forget.
When our rebellion has killed us….
          When all our art and creativity have left us…..
                    When we’ve killed off all those pesky brain cells…..
 
What will be left of our lost generation?

is a box of old sweatshirts,
dead flowers,
fading pictures,
and broken promises
I keep in a box
at the foot of my bed.

EVERYTHING smells like smoke and you….

I can still taste you in my mouth…

my body hurts.

my throat hurts.

my head hurts.

my heart hurts.

I know i did this to myself,

But i still hate you for letting me.

I don’t need protection
I will not sit in a high shelf
I do not belong under a glass wall
You cannot control me
I will not listen
I will rebel
Just because you kiss me
Doesn’t mean I wont
Leave
Just because you say
“I love you”
Won’t make me stay
You can’t keep me locked up forever
I won’t hold on
There is no pause
You can’t change goodbye
You can’t make me wait
Don’t put me on a shelf
Don’t put me behind glass
I’m not yours for the taking
I don’t need you to save me
I’m not your porcelain doll

Cause you've stopped talking and
Eventually I'll stop trying
Then we can both be memories
Till we fade in to a mutual oblivion.

This is a relapse.
This is not a wave.
This is a tsunami.
This is my broken heart rearing it’s ugly head.
This is your broken promises.
This is me.
I just want to be happy.
I was so ******* happy.
Why did you take it all away?

I like things fast.
I move fast, smoke fast, drink fast, and drive fast.
I dont fall often but when I do its fall fast and hard.
now the only question is will I be the victim or will you?

Eyes closed.
Head spinning.
What have you done?

Warmth gone.
Body stinging.
What have you done?

Car door closing.
Ignition starting.
What have you done?

Clothes everywhere.
Muscles aching.
What have you done?

Tears streaming.
Phone buzzing.
"Thanks for the good time."

Thoughts racing.
Blood freezing.
God, no…What the hell have I done?

The way you look when you dance,
That’s what made me fall.
The way you look at me when I dance,
That’s what made me pray you had fallen too.