one on the left and one on the right
us little ones in the middle
one on the left
one on the right
like bookends, bookends for me.

one on the left and one on the right
with four little ones in the middle
and i look to my left
and i look to my right
my sisters and i smile and see.

one on the left and one on the right
precious little ones in the middle
one on the left
and one on the right
strong, beautiful bookends for us.

and i hope one day,
when i'm finally a man,
i can be a bookend, too.
i'll be on the left
she'll be on the right
strong, beautiful bookends we'll be.

a cigarette (could be empty
for all i care)
drips its fumes out into the air
as i sit on a cold bench
outside the airport.
i breathe it in
in and out.
it means something to me
i can feel it
i just don't know what.

i look, i listen
this music, its waves of sound
somehow making music
and the music means something to me
i just don't know what

the fire burns it down
approaching the filter at a speed
i cannot measure
try as i may
(and i have tried)
to measure its burning time accurately
i cannot determine when it will reach its destination

the filter looks to me and says
"careful,
don't burn yourself."
it looks to me and says
"Don't. Burn. Yourself."

this cigarette
(it could be empty
for all i care)
means something
i just don't know what.

these people mean something
i just don't know what, either.

do you ever wish your body just wasn't your body?
that every cell
of every square inch
of every limb
over your entire body
was completely different
that every cell
of every square inch
of every limb?

do you ever wish that nothing about you was you?
and you know that if your mother knew of your sins
she would cry
and there's nothing you can do
to stop those tears
you know
your mother would cry
if she knew of all your sins?

do you ever wonder if your friends would be your friends if they knew
the awful horrible things about you?
do you ever wonder if they'd stop calling
if they knew all the times you swore
you pleasured yourself
you killed them in your mind
you let something awful
horrible
terrible happen
that would make them never
ever
want to see you again?

do you ever wonder if God gave up on you?
do you know He always gives people second chances?
and thirds?
and fourths?
and fifteen thousands?
but do you wonder if after five-trillion-
four-hundred-billion-
-two-hundred-thirty-seven-mi­llion-
three-hundred-thousand-
and-eight
He finally said
"You know, I gave this guy
(or girl)
plenty of chances,
but they messed it up five-trillion-
four-hundred-billion-
-two-hundred-thirty-seven-mi­llion-
three-hundred-thousand-
and-eight
times
and that's just one too many."



i do.

i haven't been much good at rhyming
i know it's all about the timing
and i never can seem to get that right
but here i am, just trying in spite
...of it all...
uhg...
see, that's what i mean
i can't seem to keep a good rhyming scheme
try as i may and try as i might
i can't always get the words i want right
but here i am, i'm on a roll
so let me try to express how i ... feel?
no, ******, that's not even close
let me try again...
but here i am, i'm on a roll
i hope this poem doesn't take its toll
on our relationship, or anything
i'm just trying to say what i mean
and write a cute rhyming poem for you
but i can tell it sounds like poo.
hah! that was a joke! oh wait...
maybe the word "poo" is't appropriate
for a valentine's day poem, you see
so now i should just...

ok this is ridiculous, i'm done with the rhyming.
but here was my try at a rhyming poem.
it ******.
but i can't seem to even begin to write something that rhymes without it sounding cheezy and stupid anyway.
oh well, i tried.

uhh, I love you!

i want to wake up at 6 a.m.
with the rest of the world
i want to run and run and run
like the rest of the world
i want to run
but i want to run farther than you

i want to run until i sweat
i want to run until i sweat and bleed
i want to run until i sweat and bleed and puke
and hack
and wheeze
and collapse
and crawl
and faint
and wake up
and keep running

i want to run
i want to run like the rest of the world
like you

i want to run like you do. but way, way farther.

my hair is too long
my nose is too big
my shirts are too small
i love you.

my teeth are not white
my skin is not perfect
my nails are too long
i love you.

my soul is not pure
my heart is not warm
my mind is not right
i love you.

the skies are all blue
the grass is all green
the Lord lives above
i love you.

guesting is easy
it's easy, my friends
no need to be anything
but open in heart
receiving each gift
each gift after gift
guesting is easy
it's so easy, my friends

guesting is easy
but hosting is pleasing
to give and to give
to reach back and reach out
your hand full and then empty
empty and then full
guesting is easy
but hosting so much more pleasing

guesting is easy
hosting is pleasing
both acts of love
of giving and receiving
one gets to take
the other gets to give
one grateful for gifts
the other grateful for company
guesting is easy
it's so easy, my friends

if i could,
i would smile softly at you, so that you would do the same
i would hold your face in my hands, so that you'd blush
i would kiss you on your forehead, so you would close your eyes
i would kiss you on your nose, so you would laugh
i would kiss you on your mouth, so you would kiss back.

if i could,
i would kiss you on your neck, to take your breath away
i would pull your arms around me, so you would hold me
i would kiss you on your collar bone, so you would squeeze me tight.

if i could,
i would pick you up, so you'd laugh again
i would set you down on your back, so you'd look into my eyes
i would sneak into you and steal a kiss, so you would want more
i would kiss you again, so you would grab the back of my neck.

if i could,
i would hold you the closest, so you'd know I'll never let go
i would say your name, so would say mine back
i would kiss you until our lips forgot how to do anything else
i would kiss you until my heart ached with the ecstacy
i would kiss you until our skin burst into flames and we would melt away into embers.

if i could,
i would.
but we'll wait for now,
won't we?

i've been cut open, child
i've been  c   u    t    o   p   e  n
she picked me up
put me down
cut me all over
and hung me out
i've been cut open, child
i've been all cut up

sew me all up, butter cup
sewmeallupagain
you're the only one with a needle
a thread
soft fingers
and the desire at all
so sew me all up, butter cup
sew me all the way up

nurse me back to health, my baby
dress that wound until it's clean
clear away the blood
change my bandages
help me sit up
help me out of bed
and nurse me back to health, my baby
nurse me back to strength again

now kiss me here, sweetheart
kiss me right ******* now
kiss me on the cheeck
the nose
the lips
all over
kiss me right ******* here, sweetheart
kiss me til i can't breathe no more.

it's not just because you're pretty.
Beautiful.
Gorgeous.
Stunning.
it's not just because you're pretty
that makes my heart ache for you.

it's not just because you're talented.
Excellent.
Amazing.
Inspiring.
it's not just because you're talented
that makes my heart long for you.

it's not just because you love me.
Want me.
Need me.
Desire me.
it's not just because you love me
that I love you with all I have.

it's not just because of all those things.
but all those things together
Wrapping
Twisting
Weaving
into each other
assembling constellations no star-gazer can imagine
creating paintings that would make the greatest blush
assembling music to cast all musicians to shame
it's All of it.
Everything.
creations I never imagined created
that make me
that bind me
that tear me apart
For you
To you
You and only you.

My secrets are sins
that God washed away
my secrets still follow me
day after day
and God said “Forget 'em,
but don't go astray”
still I peek over my shoulder
and suddenly grow colder

A man who keeps followin' me
reminding me of the past
He doesn't exist
and all he does is laugh
A laugh I can't hear
So slow and so fast
his breath I can't smell
but it stinks like hell

I can't forget what's already forgiven
Lookin' for peace when it's already been given
And sometimes I feel I'm not even a man
Just a bag of bones and blood in the sand
Been washed by this tide
a thousand miles wide
a thousand times more to satisfy my pride.

You're always there but I don't always feel you
Most times I forget that you're near
It's like forgetting the feel of winter
'Cause it's the summer sun's burn you fear
And when it's fall you get the feeling
like a cold face you see in the mirror
that you forgot what's coming at you
'til an icy hand 'round your neck has grabbed you

This man needs to leave me
this battle I can't win
the man I can't feel keeps touching me
his non-existence is wearing me thin
alone I can do nothing
without You I'm a fish with no fin
my gills are sealed up
in a broken paper cup

remember that time we traveled to a new world that time we rode a giant bird way up into the sky and it seemed like forever we were up there and then it came gliding back down and we weren't anywhere we'd ever even imagined the people weren't even people they were aliens and the buildings weren't even really buildings they were gods and the mountains were like mountains from a story that starts with "Once upon a time" i swore i'd never seen anything so beautiful until you'd stare into my eyes and i'd laugh to myself and say "oh yes, of course i have" and then we'd just keep exploring this strange strange land without a name with their strange people and their strange buildings and strange ways of doing things it felt like we were there forever but we weren't and it felt like we'd stay forever but we didn't and then i realized that in my heart and in my mind and in you that place will live forever and it will never die and never fade and never leave me so as long as you stick around that'd be great so i'll never forget the time my love and i went to a land so magical it only exists in stories that end with "Happily ever after"

if the sun turned to black
and the moon dissolved to ash
the mountains to pebbles
the ocean to sand

if the stars fell like rain
and the clouds flew away like birds
the trees to kindling
the flowers withered with a small sad cry

my love
my love would remain.

If I had no eyes
I'd listen to your voice forever

If I had no ears
I'd gaze upon your your beauty forever

If I had no voice
I'd write you letters every minute

If I had nothing at all in the world...
That's okay, I'd still have you.

From a distance I saw you.
I gasped and and stared and hoped
and dreamed
but held it close in my heart
and walked.

As I walked you came up next to me
crying tears I wish I hadn't seen
and I kissed your forehead
told you it would be o.k.
and we walked our separate ways.

From a distance you came back to me.
My hands were free and so were yours.
You smiled and laughed.
I remembered what I held close in my heart for you
and we walked together for a while.

I remembered how I saw you from a distance
so long ago, in another life, another dream.
I took your hand and you held back
and we decided to walk like that for a while
and so we walked, hand in hand.

The road became rough beneath our feet.
Sharp rocks and wicked things in the trees.
Monsters called Doubt and Uncertainty
crept all around and tried to drag us apart
but we fought them off and kept on walking.

And we came upon a beach.
The sands were warm, not hot.
The air was cool, not cold.
The sun was calming, not harsh.
And the water? The water was just right.

And now we're swimming.
And there are fish in the water
and coral reefs
and sharks
but I'm not worried.

I'll swim with you here forever.
Dive down and breach waves
and blow bubbles and squirt water in your face.
Or just float.
Just lie on our backs and float forever.

The ocean is a scary place
It has dangers and wonders and beauties
but it takes effort to swim together.
Effort to stay together.
But it's the only way to distant shores.

I will never fall
fall in love with anyone
anyone but you