my writing could be worse.
i could be writing about
cigarettes
but i'm not
so...

the ocean isn't majestic,
it's just a huge salty toilet!

Of all the things I said and did
when farewell to you I bid
never had I felt more horrid.

And since, when I watch the sky at night
your face appears made out of starlight
shining above, bathing me in white.

And in my dreams where we're together still,
then and only then will joy me fill,
after I'll wake into a nightmarish chill.

All I wish is for your forgiveness.
Every moment from now in my existence
it'll feel like a growing distance.

Though you've made it clear it's over,
this love, this bond, unlike trees in October,
it shall never wither; with me you remain forever.

sister:
you smile too much
and i
hope that doesn't change
because
if there's one thing
i'll tell
you is that life
is a
game with so few
winners.
so smile, don't stop
for me
or anyone,
smile and
win it for us,
'cause hon',
big bro has gone
and lost.

it's been two nights and at this same hour
i've thought about you and felt empty.
i go on looking for you only
to see again that your picture is
gone and you're gone and i'm alone for
good this time. i expect every
night to be the night when we'll make up
and go back to how it was. god i
miss your voice and face and eyes but what
i miss the most is that smile that'd fix
any bad feelings lurking about.
i need it now more than ever. you.

(if i pretend) it doesn't hurt (it might stop hurting)

later i will            write.
                              for
now, tv rot my     brain.

you asked me what i was doing
and i answered 'watching tv'
but the reality is that i wasn't
sitting around 'watching tv'
(for god's sake, i don't even own one),
i was actually printing out pictures
to add to the shrine i keep of you
in my bedroom's closet.
i added some nice candles
and also recently purchased
from your brother some
***** clothes that you once wore
and your aroma lingered still on them
(also may have bought one of your baby tooth's).
tonight i'll do what i usually do
and just inhale that sweaty perfume
and admire the perfection of your face
and cry because i can't have you and pass out.
then in the morning, class,
where i'll begin planning an expansion
to my You Collection.

I still wait for the phone to ring
so that I may hear your voice again
but I'm left with wishes only.

Some nights I'll keep it close, passing
it nervously from hand to hand for
no reason at all. It stays quiet.

Tossing and turning on the bed,
sleepless I'll stare up at the ceiling
and pretend it's a lit night sky.

I'll talk to the spot that was yours
as the illusion of comets glide
down to imaginary fields.

And though I'm alone it'll feel right,
the way nothing ever does now days,
Your shadow accompanying me.

My room will turn into those nights
you have probably forgotten,
the ones in which we shared happiness.

I wonder
If you miss
that at all.