Gerard M

Gerard M Jul 2022

I told myself that all I needed was time
to find happiness.
And time delivered what it could:
everything that can make you happy.
Yet, here I am, hours after sun set,
consumed by the guilt of still
feeling lost in the depths of misery.
But how could I tell them? In my mind, I
see their confusion contort into contempt.
And so I sit in the shadows of the past,
jealous of reason.

Gerard M Jul 2020

The shape of happiness

A life
looking for
happiness
in the lives of others:

a million pieces
broken
and reshaped
into something unsuitable;

into something
that saw
solace
in quiet surrender.

Into something naive enough
to believe that
only I could shape my own
happiness.

While wanting for nothing,
you showed me that
I can just be
me.

It's
true:
the shape of happiness is
you.

I found somebody who helped me recognise my self-worth. When she says that she loves me and that I am enough, I believe it, which is something with which I have always struggled. For me, this isn't about needing someone to be happy or to show you what happiness is but rather a message that happiness has many shapes and it is possible to find one that suits you.

Gerard M Dec 2017

Second

A second
choice:
A comfort to have,
a sad thing to be.

Gerard M Nov 2017

Out of me

You!

You made a liar out of me:
I told myself that I didn't need you,
that this was it,
a life in service to solitude,
unfit for happiness.

But I caught the liar.
Silenced him.

For now

Gerard M Jun 2017

Little One

Little one,
broken bodied,
crippled mind,
I took you;

and when the rain kissed your cheek,
I sheltered you with my fingers;
yet I still felt your tears fall to my palm,
and heard the discord in your song;

so I rebuilt your wings
to end your melancholy madness,
but the sky would not have you;
it could not have you

for from 'neath my hand,
you saw bars,
immense and inescapable;
engulfed by a cavern,
tended by echoed lunacy

Your absolution
mine.

Gerard M Jun 2017

Until I met..

I heard him say that she was the most beautiful
woman in the world
I looked at her and knew that she wasn't.
I heard him say it again and again
-day in,
day out-
and I still could not understand

until I met the most beautiful woman in the world.

Gerard M Feb 2017

A moment

A moment entered for an eternity;
a belief that departure would be at my own design

A moment broken into infinite pieces;
glimpses of another time along serrated edges

A moment forged into a hushed silhouette;
an attempt to cure solitude

And so I concede to this moment
as an eternal citizen.