so smoothly and stealthily, i prowl through my life’s  forest.
the scars i bear i proudly wear,
i keep  them like a vest.
i don’t recall of them all, which one would be the baddest.
a broken heart a damaged mind, can’t tell which is the saddest.
they’re physical and mental marks, words like thorns still buried deep that others ****** on me.
it’s quizzical amusement dark, with much force you try so hard, to cruelly cold  hurt me.
you can’t touch the feelings, calloused with old scars.
i play this game all the time, you try to make me sad.
i stay the same i do not mind,
and why you get so mad?
you call me names like dumb, try get under my thick skin.
my nerves are tempered numb,
through hell is where i’ve been.
been there and i survived, i’ve crossed a grief filled  gulf.
and yet here I am alive, nothing hold’s down “THE WOLF”

you can see what lurks beneath the cover, a hint of danger or potential lover.
can send a message quickly over, shows what is barely under the cover.
a smile, a frown or just a clown,
blue or grey, green or hazel brown. the sight in which you can drown, the feelings show barely kept down.
is it happiness, grief and sadness? are all the feelings mixed a mess?
do you miss me, and do i miss you, do they speak what’s inner true?
i’m i feeling sad and blue?
and this is what does show through. but are my feelings stuck like glue?
I will not say but you may  know, the feelings just might barely show. they follow me to where i go, these lonely eyes are my windows......

you can question my sanity, lace words with profanity, accuse me of vanity, an oddity, in spite of me living in simple reality.
you can intentionally despise , ill-willing attempt to entice, reputation abuse and defile, go and revile, use all your wiles, i’m unaffected i sit here and smile.
you can call me the devil, unrepenting and evil, unbeliever, deceiver life’s cantilever, stirring up masses in unbridled fever, i reply with nothing for nothing is neither.
creating complicating synthetic syntax for the quick mind, overpower’s the ones lax,
splitting your brain cells with a  dictionary axe, only in truth do i put forth the facts.
i am normal not crazy insane, but i play minds like you play video games, i could leave you in verse borderline and deranged, this was always me and nothing has changed, it’s my revelation that you think is so strange, welcome to my mind as it roams the free range.
who i am is what i will be, no need to to change who you now do see, i accept you as thee…so just let me be

If you’re outside on winter’s night
In clear sky moon is bright, crisp cool air and carpet laid by the snow so white, upon the ground and all around on snowflakes does glint light.
Or in the day this weather shows the gentle falling flakes, oh what a site your heart is light a smile does cross your face,  the happiness is so complete nothing can replace.
You catch a glimpse of a loved one completely in your mind, as tears I know yes they do fall, from your sad sad eyes. And you blink so deep you think, for they make you a moment blind, for the happy memories show that we’re there far behind.
Remember those light snowflakes? That fell softly upon the ground? Or the sparkle on this snow, on amazing moonlit nights?
It’s to show they’re still around, their spirits float near thy. and when you do remember them, they’re right there by your side.
When it’s warm or if it’s cold
Precious memories you should hold. for they shall not in life grow old but precious just like gold
I wish you peace upon your heart, for joyfullness can last.
Use the mind and just relive your joyful Christmas past.
There is a life to live today and future happiness, they would be glad for you to be, happy nonetheless, so in this poem on their behalf, and their souls say  en masse, good will to thee I bring you peace, be merry this Christmas

you feel sad unattractive, one who’s defective. you’re negatively subjective, self attitude destructive.
you treat yourself unfair, with others compare. you really shouldn’t dare, you say you don’t but you care.
outwardly display youre affable, self esteem low unbearable. the pretence isn’t laughable, for inside you feel horrible.
you see clothes that you want, but you say that you can’t. this is where it’s really at, your self confidence lays flat.
you should be very thankful, stop acting like a fool,
stop treating yourself sad cruel, for inside you’re beautiful.
just learn to let it go, inner happiness let show.
you’re a treasure much like gold…i thought i’d let you know

You don’t know me you never did, go ahead and act like a little kid.
I’m not one to do your bid, who I am from you I hid.
put me down now and call me names, while I laugh at your childish games.
I was never meant to tame, you thought you could and what a shame.
you can’t define my inner feature, you can try you poor sad creature.
such a hypocrite talk like a preacher, i’ve given you a lesson i’m your teacher.
strategize with your words well placed, but i had your plan already traced.
with venomous poison your words are laced, but I laugh in your faces because i’m unfazed.
i’m uncontrollable this is no lie, so just give up don’t even try.
and i will tell you now just why,
don’t bother whining do not cry,
this is hard cold direct truth reality, you never once invaded my inner sanity,
you thought i was caught by you home free, but i never gave you what you thought was me!!

Through the years I remember that, you were always there for me.
I a child you fed and clothed, and done so happily,
No complaints through all that, you cared for each selflessly.
From pure love it’s a fact, you worked so endlessly.
And each life of a child, needs such care everyday.
And when grown as adults, all children move away.
Time nor the distance, keeps this love and it stays. Now as stones parents lay, and resting in these graves….in all truth, appreciation, generations, hearts do say, thank the mom and the dad in each life that each has had…I miss you but I pray, peace be with you now always…you are gone from this life but the love, caring ways , memories with me all my days

What I think what I know, what I hide what I show.
What I reap is what I sow, idea seeds will it grow
What I see what I feel, imagination is it real.
Play my cards don’t reveal, fact or bluff what’s the deal?
Will the spirit fall or fly, memories live or will they die.
Not one tear falls from my eye, I chose to laugh and will not cry.
Mind roams free in open range, for me normal and not strange.
I stay the same i’m not insane, yet your mind I may derange.
Always laughing positive, in empathy im cognitive.
Sense is mixed but relative, comprehension superlative.
So hard to catch I still roam free, imagination my country.
One third the  wolf yes spiritually, and golden bear two thirds is me!

I close my eyes and im there again, then I smile because I still have my friend. The mind dissolve’s all the passing years, I hear your voice and laugh so clear. The same routine we always had on track , like pause rewind then hit the playback.  You walk through the door don’t even knock,  pour yourself coffee then we sit and talk. Story time when we were so much younger, playing outside or at the river. Yes those were the days but it’s been decades, the sunny paths of youth now in the shade. I open my eyes the memories fade, in this past I wish I had stayed. You’re just a memory of my youth, this cold and emptiness is the truth. I close my eyes now for I fear, that the young unknowing might see my…..tears

be self critical but don’t beat yourself up, be self confident just not too much. be compassionate know when’s enough, strict in control but never too tough. be understanding but do not be fooled, let each moment be the life school. be somebody’s shoulder they can lean on,be like the boulder support and stand strong. use the past as a guide to help you along,but you will get lost if you look back too long. do what you can and live for today, pay no mind to what others say, rumours will die they will go away, just work on yourself and you will be ok!

you can’t help feeling down and totally worthless, your spirit is weak and feeling so lifeless, you outward smile but it’s all so pointless, feeling so down and oh so helpless.
you can’t come out with your secret confession, you believe no one else your grief can lessen, to find inner peace is all your wishing, caught in the grasp of this bad depression.
everyday is a struggle just to push through, how to get past it you just wish you knew, to search and find what it is to help you, frustration desperation and sorrow surround you.
take baby steps the next set is your goal, you made it today as long as you know, one track forward begin and just go, one seed of hope is all you need sow.
never give up in this worrisome night, where the soul is caught up in the cold with no light, work against it with all of your might,  one day you know everything will be right.
you have to believe one day you will smile, but accept it might not still be for a while, carry on walking that spiritual mile, sooner or later all shall reconcile.
i won’t pretend i know how you feel, or even a hint of what you conceal, i will not say it’s not a big deal, but i know and support your depression is real.
all i can do is help you to stay strong, to be beside you no matter how long, whatever it takes i shall help you along, i offer you my shoulder, my friend to lean on..

I look at you your so well made, admired by all eyes, you walk in pride with oh such grace, your beauty tells no lies.
your voice so smooth emotionless, to hear you talk is nice, you appear glide quietly, like wings of butterflies.

The smile so innocent demure, so many do admire, you’re manners and how you look, by everyone desired. No one knows i think i do, your poor soul is tired, your will to live seems all well, but it’s  long since been retired.
The hell you lived it’s still in there, but you try to hideThe innocence that once was you, torn savagely wide. the happiness that you recall, appears forever died, yet you try you don’t give, but you’re so broken deep inside!!

You ever have those awesome dreams, and oh so real it all just seems?
The great blue sky leaves on the trees, the warm sunlight light gentle breeze?
The spirit high and joyful free,
Everything seems right to thee?
The soul’s delight soar’s merrily,  you coast along so weightlessly.
Well I say this honestly, this is what dreams are to me
And then I wake so suddenly, back to life reality
I close my eyes sleep’s not to be, yet I try so hopelessly
Because in this dream a memory,  I woke up you’re not with me……. But I know again I’ll sleep, and my heart In dreams will seek,
To find you there the one unique, in life are gone my heart you keep

I try to be positive all the **** time, when things go wrong I say it will be fine.
I walk through cloudy days is if the sun shines,
Frustration I keep locked so deep in my mind.
The words I speak to all so sublime, while doubt and wonder I keep as all mine.
Always happy and infectious carefree, no worry is apparent to be seen by thee.
But this is not true and I do worry like you, I just tell my self that another day’s new.
So each day I make it and I push through, if you think about then so can you too

i bring disorder chaos is me, hurricane force a cyclonic tornado
the eruption is obvious, my words are volcanos.
hot like lava flowing outward,
tearing up your life like a jumbled crossword.
your peace i hate and is my nemesis, happiness and sadness what an antithesis.
i sow negative your mind is my garden, soft caring hearts i work to harden.
cancerous and rotten right to the core, you say stop it, i give you more.
my dedication to every nation to be consternation-irritation mass subjugation.
a lie to make truth be spit out sour, every single second 24 hours, destroy what’s right set fire to flowers!
divide what is peace and i prefer sooner...what am i you ask, i reply
“RUMOUR!!”

remember to just try each day to laugh and even smile
happiness is inside and this you should not hide…….
you know you care and positive  messages you can share
here or there you may be joyous as it’s anywhere …….
laugh and play be free your aura calm will steadfast stay
kind words they will mostly be generously honour made……
oh unto thee my fellow beings
i wish your hearts will see
what will be is how you choose
to make life truthfully….
meditate orate or pray or good rituals vocate
know good memories will stay
……..enjoy what is today

the slice

there’s a storm that rages, deep inside my  brain.
through my life’s ages, should i try again?
thoughts are spinning like a tornado, hurricane force, mind twisting i know!
contradiction i wear like a  coranado, no confusion nor doubt do i show!
standing sure looking so defiant, so many years without a confidant!
looking back sometime in the past, thinking that it will always last! time blew by us too **** fast, revealing youth as a temporary mask!!
sometimes old scars need to be revealed, only then they become properly healed!
take the knife which is truth and honesty, run the blade slowly and deeply across me!
i may truly own and desire propensity, to reopen old wounds that lay beneath me!
there is a story i want to hear, how things are good and  happiness works!
revelations i now invite near, do you live as unhappiness lurks?!
it wasn’t me, nor was it you, somewhere here, is hidden our truth! unwise choices speaking in voices loud in your psyche, causing confusion mentality shaky!
still your self-esteem suffers much old pains, there’s always a way to fix things again!!
take knife of truth cold as ice, here is my heart get ready to slice!!

No matter who you are or what you choose to be, you’ll get what you give in respect from me, I’ll look on you as equal and treat you normally.
No matter what lies are told of you in their stories, how I know you is who I see so no worries, besides you shouldn’t live for all others to please, as negativity in some is like a bad disease.
Keep on being crazy and silly if you wish, be flirtatious and never desist, for I am like you I guarantee you this, enjoy who you are and don’t resist. Be not bothered by what others say, how and who you are just loyally stay, carry on happily on your way, enjoy being you every single free day.

I look at this one picture, oh so many times.
For it brings a clear memory, so fresh in my mind.
it feel’s like that same day, is right here not behind.
when i close my eyes , the happiness i do find.
i may be foolish, to breathe in the past.
childishly wanting, joyous feelings to last.
but i wish so truly, it didn’t end so **** fast.
but i hang on so stubbornly, to this memory hast.
yes you are gone now,  my broken heart knows.
the saddest of all, of my sad spirits woes.
you’re no longer here,
my soul in pain throes.
for wherefore thou are, is not what we chose!!