You are no different
than the rest
you don't get to dictate what is or is not offensive
based on  your own opinion
just leave me alone
I haven't done anything wrong
just leave me alone
stop pushing me so hard
because it's unfair
when I try to push you
and you get angry
this is so
wrong
off
you're not special
I miss when we weren't special
together

Pulse.
bumping, beating, thumping, drumming. Movement. It keeps me going. It keeps me going too much. I am too much. Too much crazy, too much THUMPA THUMPA THUMP.
Flutter.
twisting, shaking, twitching, jumping. Tics. Nervous gestures. All GO GO GO. I can't remember the last time it got me anywhere.
Fear.
anxiety, sadness, anger. I want to be alone. No. I want to be alone with you. No. I want to be nothing. No. Stop making me so angry. I just want STOP STOP STOP. People are too much. I want to be done.
DONE DONE DONE. NO MORE. THUMPA THUMPA THUMP. GO GO GO. STOP STOP STOP. Stop. I'm done. I just need to relax.

You are here.
Right here next to me.
I know it, I feel it.
I'm talking to you
about just normal things.
You are here.
So solid I can touch you
But then I fall asleep.
Then I wake up but a split second later
and you're gone.
You were never there.
This is the kind of feeling
That scares me every time.
Being so sure
that there is someone in my bed
that you are here.
But it was all just
a vivid dream
of the worst kind.
You aren't here.
You never were.

There is a danger
to introducing two friends.
we all know the drill
i've accidentally
replaced myself
with the new me
and the old me
is "still your friend"
or "still cared about"
but do you ever talk to me anymore?
it's only been a month
since you two met
and now i'm left here
with absolutely no friends
and you know what
*******
i'm sick of being everyone's
second choice
i'm sick of being put down
for not knowing a band
he introduced you to
sick of everything
sick of you.
but i miss you so
i really do.
you're an *******
but i do miss you.

we both have very different bad habits
but they both require us to wear long sleeves
and deal with sharp objects.

I'm all lopsided
muscle on the top
fat on the underside
thighs strong
the underside wiggles
biceps meant to hurt
triceps that look like my grandmothers
and all the spaces inbetween
that poke out, nothing but skin.
Hipbones like razorblades
wrists frail and shaky
jaw pronounced
collarbones like a skeleton
I'm so lopsided
and I want to look like a whole picture
instead of a few puzzles
that someone tried to shove together
I am a wobbling duck
stuck with a mind
that cares far too much

you're scared that i'll
"do something stupid"
and i can't say i won't.
i can't promise you that i won't
hurt myself
and i'm so sorry.
i am perpetually sorry.