Heavy head.
Heavy hands.
Heavy heart.

Through my worries it slinks in.
My hopes are beaten
To a thick dry pulp in my heart.
Dully, I sit heavy heavy.

Movement is all impossible.
I am a marionette with cut strings.
Rough and tattered curls.
Ripped and torn dress.

Stoic, so so stoic, yet searching.
Where is the light that once was?
Alone in this mire, I shed my tears.
Secluded and rotting in self pity.

There are no maps, no decisions.
I am lost without guidance
In this game of life limbo.
I don't know when I'll leave.

This is my own prison.

The light's too dim
To see your face.
Our lives are too grim
To see grace.

As we go on
We learn to know
That love is a child
You have to let grow

You nurture and water
With blood and with tears.
You slap, slip and swallow
Down foolish fears.

The world keeps turning,
Without us it goes.
And into the dark
We fall into snow.

Cold winter's embrace
Will take us away.
And all of our sorrows,
Rest and stay.

Let love seep in
To the heart hard and broken,
And listen to soft words,
That are just barely spoken.

As we go on
We learn to know
That love is a child
You have to let grow

You nurture and water
With blood and with tears.
You slap, slip and swallow
Down foolish fears.

The click of the finished record,
The shuffling from my rabbit's cage,
These sounds make me remember,
And then the depression seeps in.

You have made me stress and anxious.
I am balancing my life on toothpicks
Around you and past you.
The only truth is what you know.

The stubborn lies that you've,
Told yourself will bring you
Down forever, repeatedly,
Until you're drunk with fury at the world.

Flames of lost loved ones
Will constantly surround you
And cage you from the outside
Which is the only place you now want.

There, in this desperation,
You will know why I cried
Into your cold chest and tore
At your back with tired fingers.

You will realize, why I would
Constantly writing you pleads.
There, I was in your arms,
Begging you to please grow.


Grow as a human.
Become a calm mind.
Listen to wisdom.
And take joy in life.

I want to punch the walls.
I want to feel the bugs crawl
Down from the cracks
Over my spine

And that sickening fit,
It swells up inside,
Until it spills over,
Screams and cries.

"I'll throw you to the curb!"
I yelled while tears
poured down my eyes.
"Just leave me.
Just let me die!"

"If you can't accept
All of my sweet love,
Then how could I marry
This torture and crime?"

And I chased him,
Down the dark road,
Until I couldn't even
See his pale neck.

"Good riddance!"
Then the rivers poured,
My heart bled,
And I fell down to my knees.

The Earth spun and
There in the middle of the road,
I wept, and I called
To the Heavens and to Hell.

"Bring me the love I need!
Lords knows! He can tell!
I've turned my back on you,
And the world for this hate."

The rot in my chest,
And all the pain that I felt,
Was lifted away,
There, I watched it melt.

It flew from my weeping eyes
And torn open heart.
The tar and rot danced
But I winced seeing it part.

That was the key
To my joy and my light.
Maybe one day, I hoped,
Would return my sweet knight.

The World does not see you for who you are.
The World sees you as naive meat
to **** on and bones to crack,
Fingers to snap and eyeballs to steep.

We are the ingredients of **** stew.
The garnish on top are the dreams,
The hopes, the high stars, and the shine.
We are the slaves to the Fathers.

Turning the wheel and choking on bread,
We are the broken and hopeless.
Never run, never feel the sun.
There's no white beginning.

Stuck in the sidewalk cracks
Under old Rots' heels and toes,
We will wilt like weeds growing
In the grunge of crumbling cities.

So to calm our tears and abide our fears,
We lift a bottle to cheer and fate.
Pop a pill to escape our hate
And bring a daze of past worlds.

There, in our crevices and rifts,
Our molded eyes will mar all future
Like all we've been taught to uphold
Will decay, façades will melt away.

Eventually, there will be no chains.
There will be no choking.
There will be no greed or want.
Blood will never flow and hate will have no go.
There will be no rust.
There will be no spoiled.
This world will be a pasture
With rivers of milk and honey.

...Everthing
to do
Anything.


I don't want to budge.
I don't want to care,
But everyone is
Pushing me there.

"Won't you just
Give a ****?!"
They cry to me.
I can hear it,
Growling beneath their hearts.

"Nope."
For once this is my life,
And I decide to give a ****
When I **** well please.

Dropping, hitting, clunking,
Like a stone falling into the stomach.
All day long, it jumps and sinks.

Your indifference stings
Worse than my blisters,
And worse than your hate.

And like a child,
I cling to your side
And look in your eyes.

I am searching for love,
And acceptance,
But all I see is a blur.

All you show me
Is your disgust,
And all I feel is sorrow.

Why do I remain attached?
Love is the lock
To these gagging binds.

Everything I do is gross to you.
My whole existence
is gross to you.

"Mostly."