I was on a quest to find something.
through my imagination,
i flew and found stuff
but it was just stuff
i needed
something

WHERE IS IT?

I sunk down under the water
the icy porcelain as cold as my skin
the curve of the tub
matching the ***** of my ugly spine
i gripped the slick bottom
my eyes shut tight and my fingers blue

WHY ISN'T IT HERE?

The sun was setting as i ran through the orchard
over mottled roots and under twisted grey branches
these trees dont bear fruit anymore
i kept running as the sun set
i think i was chasing the sun
because the sun is still while i plummet on little planet earth

...IS IT HERE?

Thick layers of dust and antique sunlight have settled on droopy boxes
i sit on the floor
directly in the middle of the motionless attic
the attic is silent and always smells like books
but no matter how quiet the attic is and how many times i've looked through the boxes
my mind still screams ravenously for something

something i cant find

Red skies and lingering screams almost seem to fade
Almost
Smoke and steam drift lazily out from between cracks in the
Crumbled buildings
A mirror lies at my feet
It's cracked where my eyes should be
And completely shattered into
A trillion tiny shards
At my heart
My heart, which has now
Turned to dust in my
Black cavernous chest
Still seems to explode
At the sight of
The writing in the concrete
I once wrote those words
And so did you
But you're gone now
Faded with the rest
Into the ****** sky

All these scars
They flourish and bloom
Twisting up and down my body
White
Pink
Red
Some are new
Some are old
But they are all
Scars
And they all stand
For the same thing

They stand for
Me
Because some of those
Scars
Are mine
And some belong
To the
World I live in

My world
Is me
And I represent
My world

There are these sections in Gen's brain. Partitioned off by veined red walls, white wooden walls, and metal walls covered in padlocks. Behind each wall is another Gen, essentially. Every room supporting some variation of Genevieve. It's very busy, very cramped.

The Quiet Room
This room is quiet.
Happy?
Sad?
Is there even a Gen in here?
Gen?
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!
GEN!!?

The Blue Room
This room is filled with hazy blue mist.
The Gen blends in.
Nobody seeing the Gen in the blue room.
Like the quiet room, we don't even know if she's in there.
But we can hear her.
Faintly breathing.
Sort of.

The Yellow Room
This room has walls made of music.
The walls sing!
The Gen in the middle of the room smiles!
And sings!
This Gen is heard!
It smells like paper in this room.
Paper, and laundry detergent.
And a little like ink, too.

The Maze
We think this is where the REAL GEN,
The Big Gen,
Got trapped.
There are doors in these maze walls,
Leading to more walls and doors
And rooms.
We haven't found her yet.
She's in here somewhere.
She's probably scared.
Lost,
A little confused.

"So, you just keep bleeding?"
"Yep."
"And you just don't stop?"
"Nope."
"Well, I sure am sorry about that."
"Betch'you are."
"Really. I am. But I have to go."

And with that, she left me
The water running
Getting colder and colder until
A glacial layer of cold breath
And a thick film of icy memories
Enveloped me
And washed down the drain
Along with the inky
Red of my open veins

Thorns
All up and down my sides
In my neck
Drawing tiny little beads of blood

Swiping at the blood
My hand comes away green
And covered in tiny little
Thorns

And I feel my DNA
Twisting
And untwisting
Until they take on a new shape

Not my shape
And once again
I swat the thorns
That are up and down my sides

I stood at the top of a hill
I wasn't actually there
Not physically
I was carried by my mind
And the will to push through
The grey tedium of what my
sad life had become

The hill
It was green
The grass was tall
and the wind smelled
like colours I can't describe
with my meek words
The sky was soft
and blurred into the horizon
It gently sloped
meeting the farthest edge of the universe
with an elegant gradience

I stood on the hill
silently
and let myself become a
single
blade of grass
swaying with the earth's
muffled heartbeat
and the wind's
tender breath