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Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Why do I stand,
When the world retreats?

Why do I fall,
When the world is at peace?

Why do I pray
To the deaf and debris?

Why do I choose
From a one-sided dice?

Why do I make
When all others break?

Why do I cry
When, with all might I've tried!

Why do I hate
When all are my mates?

Why do I love
When all are my foes?

Why do I buy
When all are mine?

Why do I sing
When no joy it brings?

Why do I write
When nothing is left bright?
Written on 22nd January, 2002.
Dug this one out from an old diary.
I was twenty then. Justifies the long list of questions asked!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Every time you pass by
My heart goes weak, it leaps and cries...
To walk up to you, I always try
But, as you come near, I almost die!

To hold your hand, my fingers tremble
Yet, seeing you, I can only fumble!
Though my soul is crushed and crumbled,
Those three words, I can only mumble.

I wont come by,
I'm fine, I will lie!
Know this silence kills me,
Yet I wont try!

Days will fly,
Tears will dry,
Times will change,
By then, you'll no longer be mine!
Written on 30th January, 2010.
Acceptance is the way to survival.
Denial only paves way to self-destruction.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Percussion of thoughts…
Foundations ruined!
Foundations formed!

Demise of values…
Morals found!
Morals lost!

Array of rights…
What’s sought?
What’s got?

Accusations flaunted -
Baseless, thoughtless.

Emotions displayed -
Fake, forged, fictitious.

A world,
Where ambiguity reigns
Like Kings in a dream.

Where love comes to those
Who yearn for debris.

Where lust becomes Dharma
And destruction becomes Karma.

Where do I stand?
If I ****, I may succeed.

And return to being a baby
Smiling and sleeping to lullabies.
Written on 8th January, 2008.
I frankly don't remember why and how. In fact I, now, don't follow half of what I've written in the poem.
State of mind. Does crazy things to people!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Fate, the absolute tyrant -
Brings me to my desk,
And I sit down to vent
This infernal night,
As prose or verse,
Or utter hogwash -
My wasted emotions -
Which some termed rhapsodic.

I promised myself not to cry -
As the day would dawn,
And I'd wheel down the aisle.
Making myself fall prey -
To another trade
Of cash and silver and solid gold,
A car and bungalow and so much more
- Of which in detail, I wasn't told.

Though I was called a beauty
Who could leave people dazed,
With two curvy dimples,
That lit my pretty face.
People never touched me
And would look at me with shame
Tell me I looked fragile
Once they knew I was lame.

I grew within four walls -
Comfy cushions and space
And it wasn't my legs, feeble
That restricted my pace.
It was love from parents
Siblings' scorn and care
That kept me from the wisely world
To go outdoors, I never dared.

I grew up crawling on my limbs
And seeing people walk
I never wished for them to stop -
Only prayed that they wouldn't talk!
For it was not their legs, I longed for
I reveled for what I was!
I only hoped they applied thought
Before pitying, how crippled I am!

I grew up watching the world go by
Each day and night would fly
Fantasizing with what I had been blessed -
My free and 'abled' mind!
I dream of a world - filled with trust
And friends who would 'walk' with me
Who would talk to me for who I was
And not offer sympathy!

I wished for love,
And found mine, divine
In a fairy tale -
Ironic indeed!
I sang love songs,
Wrote mushy poems
Painted wild dreams -
All to him, which would eventually lead.

You must have known this little boy -
Though a flaw, he did make history.
"Pinocchio", he was fondly called
And was known as a puppet with zeal!
It was not his quest for love that struck
Nor his zest to live
For it was his gait with wooden legs,
In which I could identify me!

But my dreams were thwarted
When to a man, I was entrusted -
(Or rather, on me thrusted)
One - with no love, but legs instead.
Along with blessings
For him to take along
Ample gifts were bestowed -
To keep us betrothed!

And now I await
To be proclaimed his wife
In the presence of a world
Which always kept me deprived.
It will be dawn
And I will soon be gone -
Yet I will yearn
For my Pinocchio to return!
Written on 12th January, 2011.
The dowry system is a bane of India.
Relationships - built on money, gold and property - crumble as long as the wealth wears out.
I wonder why we don't have the guts to stand up and say I will live with what I earn!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Drops of salt stayed on
Un-wiped on her hollow cheeks
As if to bear down her overburdened life
With the load of un-shed tears.

Her trembling hands, were weak from work
Her palms felt heavy, as her kids held on
Her chest was filled with love and warmth
Her eyes kept winking, as if to keep away fear.

Her kids - her treasures, how could she preserve
Her only refuge now was her mother's lap
And that was where she headed now
To mark an end to the troubled souls.

She bought them balloons, candy and ice-cream
As they walked towards the welcoming beach
She walked slowly, clinging tiny arms
And soon the salty waters, were licking their feet.
Written on 19th Jan, 2003.
Found this one hidden away in one of my old diaries, again.
I did feel a little depressed after reading it though.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Two loving souls were bound by fate
Now one remains, he is destined to wait
The other rests in peace, away from her mate
Yet he awaits her return, counting minutes, hours and dates!

Memories, they say, are the hardest to erase
Some take to drinking, some choose other ways
Here is a soul who has penned down in phrase
Words that bleed emotions, yet never cease to amaze

My dear friend, to you am a stranger
But I wish I'd know you, to offer you some relief
In a world that has no time for anything that breathes
I'm moved to see you, hold on to your wife's wreath

You teach me that true love lasts a lifetime
Its not bound by age, nor sticks to a chime
You truly are a lover, one of a kind
Every girl would love to have you by their side

I pray your pain is eased with time, as you write
And that you are freed from all bonds that keep you tied
I hope you'd find love again, maybe less divine
And the gods keep you together to explore the world, long and wide!
Written on 5th June, 2011
In dedication to a man, I haven't met. But would like to some day. Do read his poem here to know why:
http://mindfulperceptron.blogspot.com/2011/05/two-glances-speak-but-silence-remains.html
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
I am sorry if I don’t blend -
For I have seen factions of men
Divided - by virtue of what they can eat.
For I have also seen groups of girls
Separated over color – dark, fair or wheat.

I am sorry if I sound aloof -
For I have seen days
Which brought no sun.
And I have been with people
Who instilled harm with all their pun.

I am sorry if I am glum -
If I seldom fall in tune
With your every twist and twirl.
Or if I never offer to tune up
To your every whim and fancy.

I am sorry if am ugly –
For I have had men call me pretty
And walk with me with pride.
For I have seen my men
Walk away with women, prettier than I.

I am not sorry that you found me – True!
For how you walked in
I have no clue!
I’d want you to know that my days with you,
Are no longer painted with shades of blue!
Written on 16th November, 2010.
Its alright if you stand out. But ensure you stand for something.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Your words soothe my hurting soul

Like no prayer or psalm has, ever before

If only I could return that experience of joy -

To let you know what you mean to me, my boy!
Written on 20th June, 2011.
Sometimes a glance, gesture or word of comfort from the one who matters the most, is all it takes to set your day right.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
I want someone who'd stand with me -
The day I lose my degree,
The day I lose my teen.

I want someone who'd hold me close -
Despite the skills, I've always lacked,
Despite the dark days, I have tread past.

I want someone who'd love me true!
Not for my charm, nor the curves,
Not for my cleavage, nor the verve.

I want someone who'd wish me luck -
Even if it would take me away,
Even if my return delayed.

I want someone who'd kiss me to sleep -
Who would, for me, stay awake
Who would never, to me, be fake.

I want someone who'd wipe my sweat -
Before asking for the money I'd kept,
Before reminding me of unpaid debts.

I want someone who'd see my soul right through -
Who had loved me before I was born,
Who would love me when I'm gone.

I have found that soul, that someone in you!
I find the solace you offer, a boon!
I'd be blessed to be born again, in your womb!
Written on 29th September, 2010.
People you take for granted are sadly, the ones who love you deeply without expectations.
SOS
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
SOS
SOS
Lord, heed our prayers
and keep us strong

Help us follow you
and lead those around

We are tiny souls,
yet challenges surround

Please hold our hand,
please don't let us drown!
Written on 1st November, 2011.
A prayer.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Kisses and tears,
Smiles and swears,

Love and fear,
All still seem so dear!

I wish you were here...
To hold me close and near!

Laughingly, I would bear
What destiny holds clear!

You wrote me a song,
Which I still sing all day long!

Emptiness or peace?
Cant make out what I feel!

Life goes on,
How long will I mourn!

Hoping for my life...
Which left me, the day I whined!

Waiting for my life...
Which stopped living, the day you died!
Written on 14th February, 2010.
Sometimes when certain relationships end, it just kills a part of you.
A part lost forever.
A part which can never be revived.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Early morning breeze -
I'd never missed you so far!
But today when I woke up to the dawn
You passed by me like the softest dream.

Your soothing touch on my dry skin
Felt like I'd never been caressed before
Your mellow whispers into my soul
Left me longing for your company, more!

Your earthy scent and warmth exposed
Made me take a few steps towards you, close!
But as the rains peeped in, I whined and cringed
And forced you out, ending our lovely meeting!

I won't promise you I'd be back again...
But I know you'd be waiting at my door
Waiting to hear the latch unbolt,
Waiting to be ushered into a 'room' that's cold!
It has been raining hard in Chennai for almost 3 weeks now. The flooded roads, clogged drainage, damp walls and ***** clothes are reason enough to make you stay indoors. Add a cyclone threat to it, and you would never want to step out. The only thing that invites you out, is that cold breeze which is in fact hard to deny!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
There is a reason why you are not mine,
There is no reason for me to whine...
I have lost my rhythm and rhyme,
I can only hope to revive and shine!

Alas! I will never be your future
But my dear, you shall always be my past.
The reason is - I still hold strong,
Though I know - You have moved on.

Don't know the reason why love *****
The reason why all men look schmucks
The reason why I wouldn't risk my luck
Nor leave my heart for others to pluck!

I once had a dream to walk down the aisle
I should be over that thought, in a while
For - there is a plot behind all those smiles
A vengeful lot behind all that style!

A reason to find fault, is all we search
A treason behind it, is what will emerge!
For reasons - you will find no lack, no dearth
And eventually realize the pain was not worth!
Written on 17th June, 2010.
We defy.
Only in the hope that that will boost us, to rise.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Salty tides keep passing by

How you'd wish one would stop a while

And let you know it has come a long way

Just to be with you!
Written on 16th July, 2011.
Once again in admiration of the sea, I can never cease to love!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Struggles are part of every man's life
They come in the form of worries or wives!
And once they are done with arguments and strife
They know life's over, and they forgot to jive!

Miseries come to women as heirs or hubbies
The former is chubby, the latter is stubby!
Often treated as a slave, a cheap scrubby
Now no longer bubbly. She is mostly grubby!

Youngsters are blessed - for they are ignorant and mulish
They are worried of gadgets, or a spreading blemish.
For even when the world is at war and looks bleakish,
What keeps them up would be a love, to anguish.

Children find solace among friends at school
With homework half-done, they're obstinate as mules.
Parents are loving, so they are allowed to drool.
Even teachers look fools. Life is so cool.

Stages of life are - all different, all funny!
Some stages look dry. Some stages look sunny.
The one thing that links all - the crazy and cunning
Its no longer love. Its rather money.
Written on 28th March, 2010.
As the title indicates, it was just something penned for fun.
No thought into it. Just tried to force match the rhymes (with some success!)
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
I don't live by what I preach - Live life to the fullest and be grief-free!
What I know could fit in a cup, What I don't is vaster than the seas!
I never learn! I never seek!
I am never free. I am full of grief!
Yet in love with life, I claim to be!

I still hold on to frivolous moments...
People who have passed by...
Paper which has faded...
Toys long broken...
Memories which are jaded...

People are weird! I have never known...
Who they were?
Why they came ?
What they meant?
And where they strayed!

I wish - so selfish, I wouldn't be!
And talk to people who wait for me...
Pray for those who are actually in need!
Long for people who find time to be free...
And love those, who are still a part of me!

I will not whine. I will not complain.
Tomorrow brings hope. Tomorrow I will change.
But for today, let me live in grief.
In a day, what difference can it be?
So let me not change. Today, let it be..!
Written on 13th January, 2010.
The only way to help yourself is to push yourself out of the mess you have created.
It is easier to preach. Its tougher to be strong within
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Today was the day when I felt so lost...
Life seemed so forced, as if tomorrows wouldn't follow...

I saw myself cry...
Shed tear after tear...

I saw myself hate...
With every cell, cursing fate...

Why does every man leave?
After claiming to love me?

Why does every friend,
Still love, care and **** me?

Why does family stay?
And ex-lovers flay?

Why does my job ****?
And life seem so gray?

Am I on the right road?
Is this the right way?

Will morrow be better?
Will I fall, fail or flare?

Today was the day when I felt so lost...
Yet I live on...
Cause life is so forced!
Written on 9th October, 2009.
I trust after my third failed relationship :)
It is really funny to look back at a few pages from your own life. It's as if you were a different  person altogether!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
I walked through a garden,
I walked with my dream.
We held hands, together
On your shoulder, I leaned.

We stopped to smell a jasmine
In a rose, you seemed keen
As you placed it in my tresses,
We laughed like lost teens.

My mind wandered free
Across the road and blaring heat
And perched on the window sill
Of the house across the street.

A beautiful angel was fast asleep,
In her cradle with her dreams
And her parents stood beside her,
Lost in an embrace, deep!

Your breath on my neck
And the warmth of your hold
Brought me back to the garden
And I saw your old eyes gleam!

The visiting hour was over
And I had to be returned.
To the green beds and white walls
And the I.V stands, tall and lean.

You promised to meet me tomorrow
And that tomorrow won't be long.
As you walked out through the gate,
I began my wait - for tomorrow to be born.
Written on 1st September, 2010.
Again inspired by a figment of imagination.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
I may have been sad in my earlier days -
But its only now that I cry, when to leave you rise.
I may have been single and alone then -
But I feel lonelier now, when you are gone!

My life would have been anything but complete,
happy, cheerful or upbeat -
If I hadn't chosen that lane, that night
Which (who knew!) led to you, my life!
Written on 19th January,  2011.
When that special someone walks in, your life suddenly looks like a full circle ready to roll on!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Why pretend be my friend?
And ditch me in the end?

Why further offend?
When I don't defend!

Why that smile still?
When you always wanted to ****?

Why crib and command?
When you've already abandoned?

You needn't walk beside me, behind me or before me
As long as you don't stab me,
Its fine!
Written on 23rd October, 2009.
This time after a huge fight with a very close girl friend. No, don't get me wrong. I don't always walk away from relationships. I guess it was just a very low time of my life.
Now, of course a lot of water has flowed under the bridge and we are back to being friends! So, a poem is all that we have to remember our fight!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Why am I so vulnerable
When it comes to love?
Why is it that they ask to 'let go'?
Is it so that, one can ask for more?

I ask you Lord,
I ask you now -
Why me, of all?
When I had just again, began to crawl!

Don't push me further down -
For you know this cliff is tall...
Don't wait there with stones to haul -
For from here, very steep seems the fall!

When people called me cute,
To him I used to be queen!
Now, when people say I am bright
He says, I am his little sunshine!

I am no queen.
I am no sunshine.
I am a normal girl -
At times, a soul that whines!

If you are here to visit,
Please don't offer to stay.
For I tend to believe.
For I tend to wait.

Don't promise me a life,
And walk away with mine.
I may not come after you,
I may not stalk your way.

I will go away -
And stay hidden always.
To you I may appear stone-hearted
Mean, dead or someone who's gone astray.

But here I will await,
Longing for what was mine.
Hoping for you to return -
At least to return what you had once entwined.

I will face newer days
I will face longer dawns...
Spring will be here soon
The winter seems long.

Don't offer me your home
Just to keep me warm
For even your shoulders
Can bring in calm, for now.

Don't give me your palm,
I may hold on.
For you have no clue,
How much I am drawn!

I let go all that was mine...
Not so that I can get more
I let go all that was mine...
So that I can live on!

I have no love left in me now.
Hatred too? I really doubt
If not for these seldom tear drops
I'd say, I've learned what life is all about!
Written on 9th October, 2010.
One of my friends once told me, the only cure to love - is to love more.
Then, I mocked at him.
Now, I realize it is true.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
To the needy -

A smile - that can charm
A thought - that is warm
A gesture - that can calm,
Is even holier than the psalm!
Written on 15th November, 2010.
I have often seen peope help.
But its often not when others are in need.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Why do I feel that he is still my world!
Why do I still love his beautiful curls!
I hold to his memories, like they were pearls!
I'm stuck in emotions, twisting like whirls!

Does he realize I've lived through these lashes?
Will he even know, if my number flashes?
Wonder if my smile, on his screen-saver he watches!
Wonder when memories peep, he stops or backlashes?

Do I regret, now as I bethink?
For an affair that was gone, even before I winked!
We were man and wife, though it was not inked.
We felt our love, would always keep us linked!

Does he still care? Does he still tear?
Will I ever dare? Why do I fear?
Verdicts were made, and we adhered!
Just live to bear! Life is austere!
Written on 26th March, 2010.
Don't you wonder, "What would it have been if...".
Imagination can take you to a different phase of life altogether.
You compare the false life you love in your imagination only to hate the reality in your true life! What a paradox!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
I hadn't ever denied you
Never questioned your sober self -
Never renounced your love
Nor scoffed at your proposal.

Venturing into a forbidden bliss
Knowing our desires were amiss
With a wild verve, I would run to your side
Giving up all bounds, I was forced to abide.

Your fixed eyes, repeated your vows to me
Your hoarse voice whispering words, lovey-dovey
Dark hands guided by the softness of mine
We walked the aisle, to be blessed by his love, benign!

Our days of struggle at each others pace
Our doubts, at what each other gazed
Our thoughts if we did act in haste
And all that vanished, when we engulfed in an embrace!

Spending four decades and stepping into the fifth
Of having broken barriers and rewriting the myths
I am happier to have spends years as a blind man's wife
Than to have paraded my love in return of never ending strife!
Written on 11th April, 2011.
Some bonds are made in heaven, by God.
I've witnessed a couple of them on earth.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Life moved on, even when you died
Leaving me nothing, but sore eyes to cry
Today, though agonies have followed me in line,
I pledge upon you not to take time to whine!

My duty calls me to save, to secure and set free
Hopeless, helpless frames, trodden from misery -
I will share my wisdom to brighten their morrow
And for their smiles, I vow to give up my sorrows!
Written on 15th June, 2011.
Another few lines to Mr. Prabhakar, a doctor, a blogger and now my friend. Inspired yet again by his poem
http://mindfulperceptron.blogspot.com/2011/06/living-on-my-own.html
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
The birds keep chirping
As I'm awakened by a breeze...
I can still feel that dream -
Where I was holding hands with thee!

There's nothing more I long for
Than to belong in your arms
For, the world - I can keep waiting;
But I can't, for your warmth.
Written on 8th February, 2011.
When love blooms, the whole world seem changed.
Merrier, brighter and gay.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Girls are like that -
Day one: They are all soft and witty,
As the day ends, they are all dry and gritty!

Boys are like that –
When they have coffee, they’d want tea.
And when they have her, they’d want me!

We are like that -
We praise God, when he heeds to our needs
And dump him down the drain, on questioning our deeds.

Life’s like that –
You say you love cats and can’t stop sneezing at their sight.
You boast of the latest gadgets, yet can never get them right!

Love is like that –
Looks all rosy at first, but grows on to be a deep, dull grey
For one never knows when the chase to be owned, turns one into the hunted prey!
Written on 18th November, 2010.
A random poem, penned for no relevant reason.
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
When my mom swallowed that pill,
Knowing the harm. Knowing it will ****.
I never asked you Lord, I never once did -
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

Even when he kicked her, and left me feeling numb.
That night when he hit her, just for fun.
That dawn in the labor room, as they waited for me to come.
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When misery and hatred added more spice -
To an already poverty and sorrow filled life.
Even amidst arguments and never ending strives,
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When I came first every grade,
Yet was kept out of school every day,
For our fees hadn't been paid.
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When friends ran home, after a long day
When I lingered in the corridor, hoping to stay away
Praying that back home, everything should be okay
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When every night we were awaken, hearing mom's scream
When a peaceful house always seemed a distant dream
When violence prevailed, some days extreme
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When we confined life to two small rooms
When laughter gave way to faces filled with gloom
When hunger and pride - took turns to loom
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When our good friends turned foes
When our relatives chose to keep low
When suddenly we had nowhere to go
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When as children we were asked to abide
And be silent viewers at our dad's funeral pyre
When tears stayed in, no mater how hard we tried
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When my graduation dreams were fulfilled,
Thanks to the acres of land sold at mom's will
When all our gold was gone, and we sought refuge in gild.
I never asked you why. I never do, still.

When my sister found love and got engaged,
When my brother grew tall, and handsome by the day,
When my first job offer came in, happy and gay
When life bloomed again and smiles filled our day.

When I turn back today, living life at my pace
When I hear out people, whose sorrows I can't erase
I remember those days when misfortune chased.
To realize I am at loss for words at your never ending grace.

I am thankful that you chose me. I am lucky that you did.
For if you had spared me then and kept me in bliss
It would take me another life, to know what I missed.
For today's smiles are born from yesteryear's amiss.
Written on 3rd August, 2010.
If you look at each passing hour as a lesson learned, you would look forward to each new one to come!
Geetha Raj Nov 2011
Couldn't cry
As I made my first move
My eyes were dry
As my mom had cried!

Could only laugh
When tears came and blocked
Life was tough
Yet "we" pulled and towed!

Could only fake a smile
When he stabbed "us" in our hearts
Could only love him more
The farther he seemed to go!

Could never know us, fair
But, you were never there
Alas! Then when you came
"We" weren't there to bear!
Written on the 31st August, 2002.
It is quite depressing to be brought up in a broken family.
A single mother, no matter how hard she tries with all her constraints, can never replace a father.

— The End —