I still miss you
I'm happy that I do.
For amongst those I knew,
I know that I truly loved you.

I still have memories, fond.
Sweet dreams too - every dawn.
In reality there is no bond,
Yet those days taunt and haunt.

I wish I could meet you,
For brief moments - very few.
Is it very late today?
Then even tomorrow will do.

Will you make it if I call?
May I invite? Or will you act tall?
I know things have changed, yet -
I hope you wouldn't find fault.

A moment of happiness - that I saw you for true.
A memory of a man, I knew for a week - will do.
Could you spare that time? Maybe an hour or two?
That will keep me happy - for life otherwise seems blue.

Will your brown eyes flash the way they did?
Will you speak with the charm you hid?
Will you smile in your trademark wit?
When you see me, will your face get lit?

Can we hold hands?
Or can we just stand?
May I smell your cologne?
May I take a snap?

Can I know your number?
Can we still talk?
Or have I sinned beyond limits?
Or have years built walls?

I will slip away as I came.
I will not cry, nor will I blame.
I am just a soul - a helpless dame,
Who, without you, feels so lame.

Its past midnight
On a warm July,
As I await
Sleep to usher by.

I hate it when
I stay awake
But then again,
Its my mistake.

I'm thinking of you
A thought that lures
It cant be true
Do I still love you?

I toss and turn
Its truth or dare.
A desire still burns
Veracity blares.

Holding back sobs
Unable to cope,
I fervently *****
My desires, my hopes.

Your boyish charms,
That mystic smile,
Your nature - calm.
What a warm delight!

What were thou?
A chip from my dream?
Where are you now?
May I try redeem?

A passing cloud?
An infatuation found?
A love that bound?
Another bond on the shroud?

Life knocks me back
As the dawn unwraps.
I rest, for I should hack,
As tomorrow awaits - with a new set of traps!

From the one who was my very own sky,
To the one, who won - waiting years to be mine,
To the one who smiled, and sang and reigned -
True to the core, to these men I had been!

Yet none in my life today, none to be seen
Sometimes I feel that those days were just dreams.
I seem to have grown by bounds and leaps,
For today I hardly have memories to keep!

I no longer seek joy, in a voice that's hoarse,
Nor long for hugs, behind closed doors,
Nor tease thirsty eyes, that ask for more,
Or fall for tall claims, which later leave me torn!

A gesture, a thought, a smile or a note -
I no longer seek from the prospective lot.
My memories bring to life every fight that was fought
So any blush that appears, I ensure is wept out.

With friends to hang out and keep me gay,
With a beautiful niece who seeks company to play,
With a job that keeps my thoughts at bay -
I am happy this way, I am happy today!

There is a reason why you are not mine,
There is no reason for me to whine...
I have lost my rhythm and rhyme,
I can only hope to revive and shine!

Alas! I will never be your future
But my dear, you shall always be my past.
The reason is - I still hold strong,
Though I know - You have moved on.

Don't know the reason why love *****
The reason why all men look schmucks
The reason why I wouldn't risk my luck
Nor leave my heart for others to pluck!

I once had a dream to walk down the aisle
I should be over that thought, in a while
For - there is a plot behind all those smiles
A vengeful lot behind all that style!

A reason to find fault, is all we search
A treason behind it, is what will emerge!
For reasons - you will find no lack, no dearth
And eventually realize the pain was not worth!

If only I could fly,
I'd be with u now, by your side!
Cos I know I was happiest - when
I saw you flash that smile.

I’d whisper words -
I have treasured to share.
Words that were earlier heard -
Only in my wild dreams, when I dared!

What struck me in a day,
Is taking time to go away...
Those brown eyes, that lovely smile -
I still search for in every other guy!

To everyone’s dismay,
I am gleefully gay,
In my fantasy today
And I wish to be always.

For, as days go by,
When you are no longer mine,
Your memories will remind me -
Our love was divine.

Destiny played games with a sadistic force,
And I stood still seeing my world go for a toss.
Before I knew, that cursed moment just froze.
Yet my silence, I managed to keep unbroken.

Time and minutes no longer flew.
The otherwise bright future, now looked blue.
Your memories however, still felt new.
And my smiles each day reduced to few.

Passion in my heart, I knew, I held.
Tears in your voice, I knew, I felt.
Though my inner-self burnt and yelled.
I promised myself that this too will be dealt.

Now it feels like eras passed by,
But my wounds are taking their time to dry.
I wonder why this birth wouldn't just fly,
So I can find peace at least when I die!

For every 'I love you' that came from you,
I always replied, I love you more!
Now, as I wait, though my chances are few,
Is when I realize I loved you from the core.

I still stand alone, where you left me,
Pinned down with memories that refuse to leave.
I pick from remains hoping to start clean.
I wish I could fly on, happy and free!

I cut a sorry figure, I know its true.
But I long like a flower for the morning dew.
The day you left is the day I knew
That I'd be left barren, but for you.

When I kicked and pushed my way out,
Into this world, the day I was born....
When I ****** life in from mom,
Along with her tears, as daylight dawned...

When the first shaky steps I took,
Made me trip and fall...
When my red frocks became shorter,
With every inch I grew tall...

When I trembled with excitement for my first day at school…
When the first ‘B’ I wrote came with an extra curl…
For the first medal I brought home, proud…
During the silly fights fought and those taunts…

When I knew pain as I turned a woman…
As I blushed red when my first sari, I draped…
That sleepless night after my first kiss…
Which repeated, with tears after the first break up…

On the stage on that graduation day…
When I laughed with my first job offer, happy and gay…
As the train took me away from the comforts of home…
When I observed in awe, my money the ATM gave…

When I still search for that hand to curl my little finger,
When I look for that fractured shoulder to rest my little head,
When I long for that hoarse voice to comfort my ears.
When I long for that sweaty smell to reassure I’m dear.

I realize life is void, if not for a father…
I realize I still wait, as I always did…
I realize I still long, as I always did…
I realize I still miss you, as I always did...

I realize I still love you,
Daddy, I really do!

Struggles are part of every man's life
They come in the form of worries or wives!
And once they are done with arguments and strife
They know life's over, and they forgot to jive!

Miseries come to women as heirs or hubbies
The former is chubby, the latter is stubby!
Often treated as a slave, a cheap scrubby
Now no longer bubbly. She is mostly grubby!

Youngsters are blessed - for they are ignorant and mulish
They are worried of gadgets, or a spreading blemish.
For even when the world is at war and looks bleakish,
What keeps them up would be a love, to anguish.

Children find solace among friends at school
With homework half-done, they're obstinate as mules.
Parents are loving, so they are allowed to drool.
Even teachers look fools. Life is so cool.

Stages of life are - all different, all funny!
Some stages look dry. Some stages look sunny.
The one thing that links all - the crazy and cunning
Its no longer love. Its rather money.

Why do I feel that he is still my world!
Why do I still love his beautiful curls!
I hold to his memories, like they were pearls!
I'm stuck in emotions, twisting like whirls!

Does he realize I've lived through these lashes?
Will he even know, if my number flashes?
Wonder if my smile, on his screen-saver he watches!
Wonder when memories peep, he stops or backlashes?

Do I regret, now as I bethink?
For an affair that was gone, even before I winked!
We were man and wife, though it was not inked.
We felt our love, would always keep us linked!

Does he still care? Does he still tear?
Will I ever dare? Why do I fear?
Verdicts were made, and we adhered!
Just live to bear! Life is austere!

I knew there was no coming back,
Yet, I walked down the lonely track,
Dragging my feet, which refused to leave
From the door I had slammed forever, behind me.

Maybe this was destined to be,
Or maybe you thought I wouldn't heed!
Cos, you never came after me,
You never called. And never did I plead.

Every bus I boarded, every paper and poster -
Your name in bold, each one hosted!
Silly it seemed, but it did strike a chord!
God was passing a message. Or I was being weird.

I felt you were laughing. It made me tear further!
Insanity? Hatred? I am sure it was neither.
The good happy days of love - were gone
Now there was only us - apart and torn!

We never came by, we never rendered.
Weeks became months, months turned years.
Memories faded. Your name disappeared.
Amongst those who mattered, I have stopped counting you, dear!

I only ask for a word,
So that I can make sure I've heard!

I only pray for a quick glance,
So that I can then live in that trance!

I only beg for you to hold,
So that I have more fond memories to unfold!

I only stay hidden as you pass by,
So that I can take in me, your every vibe!

I only sleep after I have cried,
So that in my dreams, you'd wipe them dry!

I only put up this silly fight,
So for the rest of life I can say, I tried!

Kisses and tears,
Smiles and swears,

Love and fear,
All still seem so dear!

I wish you were here...
To hold me close and near!

Laughingly, I would bear
What destiny holds clear!

You wrote me a song,
Which I still sing all day long!

Emptiness or peace?
Cant make out what I feel!

Life goes on,
How long will I mourn!

Hoping for my life...
Which left me, the day I whined!

Waiting for my life...
Which stopped living, the day you died!

Will you be my child,
Who I can sing to each night?

Will you be my brother,
A brat I can beat and fight?

Will you be my friend,
To whom I can crib and cry?

Will you be my boss,
To whom I can ask a hike?

Will you be my dad,
So I can hold your hand?

Will you be my lord,
So I'd be with you when I die?

Will you be my Valentine,
Will you be mine?

Every time you pass by
My heart goes weak, it leaps and cries...
To walk up to you, I always try
But, as you come near, I almost die!

To hold your hand, my fingers tremble
Yet, seeing you, I can only fumble!
Though my soul is crushed and crumbled,
Those three words, I can only mumble.

I wont come by,
I'm fine, I will lie!
Know this silence kills me,
Yet I wont try!

Days will fly,
Tears will dry,
Times will change,
By then, you'll no longer be mine!

I wish I were an ordinary girl,
Who could take time to smell the flowers,
And be late at times!
Who could keep singing to herself,
And laugh non-stop!

I wish I were an ordinary girl,
Who knew no tears or sorrow,
Except when her doll was broken or ribbon stolen!
Who could stop worrying about monthly paychecks,
And count her pocket money instead!

I wish I were an ordinary girl,
Who was taken for granted,
And never the center of focus!
Who had a few friends - who were true,
And could count them too!

I wish I were an ordinary girl,
Who was not so benevolent,
And was greedy, for a change!
Who could make mistakes,
And was still forgiven!

I wish I were an ordinary girl
Who had one regular visitor,
And not so many passersby!
Who could fall in love,
And afford to keep it too!

I don't live by what I preach - Live life to the fullest and be grief-free!
What I know could fit in a cup, What I don't is vaster than the seas!
I never learn! I never seek!
I am never free. I am full of grief!
Yet in love with life, I claim to be!

I still hold on to frivolous moments...
People who have passed by...
Paper which has faded...
Toys long broken...
Memories which are jaded...

People are weird! I have never known...
Who they were?
Why they came ?
What they meant?
And where they strayed!

I wish - so selfish, I wouldn't be!
And talk to people who wait for me...
Pray for those who are actually in need!
Long for people who find time to be free...
And love those, who are still a part of me!

I will not whine. I will not complain.
Tomorrow brings hope. Tomorrow I will change.
But for today, let me live in grief.
In a day, what difference can it be?
So let me not change. Today, let it be..!

Breeze...
A beautiful gush of wind...
Thats what i felt when i saw him first...

Two brown eyes....
A vibrant smile...
What more did he have?

That made me so shy?
That made me smile?
That made me feel I'm his and he's mine?

He sang as if he meant every word...
He stared as if I were the most beautiful girl!
He shared as if he'd waited for so long...

Was it love at first sight?
Would it last?
Will I ever meet him?

If every question had an answer,
What was the fun in living?

Why did we meet?
Was it fate?
You could have stayed...
Or rather, never come my way!

What is love, this four lettered word???

Now, I know!

Its when you keep waiting,
When you know you have lost!

Couldn't cry
As I made my first move
My eyes were dry
As my mom had cried!

Could only laugh
When tears came and blocked
Life was tough
Yet "we" pulled and towed!

Could only fake a smile
When he stabbed "us" in our hearts
Could only love him more
The farther he seemed to go!

Could never know us, fair
But, you were never there
Alas! Then when you came
"We" weren't there to bear!

Slowly awaken,
Fast asleep
An apprentice at feelings
A ****** at love.

Lively but lonely
Friendly yet fragile!
My heart pounds to music,
Yet stays calm and wild!

They tagged it "Sentimental"
He called it "Most bright"
God marked it "A wild flower,
Fallen from the sky!"

To the reddish mountains,
And the muddy drops,
My life - disdained
Yet it seems to glow!

Amidst the bright darkness,
Of this lonely night,
I pen this to highlight
The flights of my fights!

How my life looks vain!
My birth - a disgrace,
I was born a queen,
Yet, slavery I face!

A burden to my shoulders,
A load to my sons,
A grief to my siblings,
A fun for everyone!

An antique - cheap in nature
A painting - known by none
A sculpture - made of sores
At the hands of asylums!

My vision isnt blurred,
Its the world that has flunked.
Yet, they call me "Funny"
And I call them "Junk!"

Who loved -
Not to fulfill,
But to fullness!

Who hated -
Only hatred!

Who went -
Without waiting to be invited!

Who responded -
Without being called!

Who loved -
Without being loved!

Who figured out -
That perhaps,
Love is God!

Why do I stand,
When the world retreats?

Why do I fall,
When the world is at peace?

Why do I pray
To the deaf and debris?

Why do I choose
From a one-sided dice?

Why do I make
When all others break?

Why do I cry
When, with all might I've tried!

Why do I hate
When all are my mates?

Why do I love
When all are my foes?

Why do I buy
When all are mine?

Why do I sing
When no joy it brings?

Why do I write
When nothing is left bright?

Music - Soft and slow.
My mind - It's free to flow.
Melody - Soothing and calm.
Singing - My sorrows are embalmed!
Sacrifice - The only way to let go.
Sorrow - Is with me through and fro.
Solitude - A blessing in disguise?
Passion - May come before demise?
Love - In your eyes I see...
Weddings bells - Now, part of debris.
Peace - Will be
Happiness - I'll see
Tears - Will stop
Cry - I will not
Fake - Were emotions.
God - I pray with caution!
Helpless - In my path I feel.
Pain - Is all I get in deal!
Misery - Will have to fail
Faith - I will keep nailed
Hope - Has been torn.
Smiles - Will but be born!*
Beauty - Is in you.
Friends - Are truly few.
Hugs - Are they free?
Baby - Can I be?
Innocence - Will it return?
Dew drops - On a heart which burnt...
Ring - My naked finger!
Music - Makes me linger!

While young and naive,
I had dreams to achieve,
A childhood to leave,
And no time to grieve!

Time did a favor -
With age I got braver.
Couldn't wait and crave,
With a youth, so depraved!

I no longer cover,
Nor pretend to glower.
When showered by a lover,
Kisses are devoured!

Bundles of notions,
Twirls of emotion,
Hugs of devotion,
Like the warmth of the ocean!

Moments of pleasure,
Fragments to treasure,
Sweat which felt fresher,
I love with no measure!

Now, with no hopes
Skin that's gone taupe,
In solitude I *****,
Even death has eloped!

My face, now turned ashen
My soul, with the demon
My life, wrongly driven
My past stays - unforgiven!

Tears flow in streams...
I wake from that dream,
As odd it may seem,
My sore eyes still gleam!

The bright sun still shines,
Everything looks fine.
Life is so divine...
I thank god, its mine!

Will I find a love that's mine,
That will be with me, through time and tide?

A smile that will assure you are safe, its me!
A hand that will hold, yet set me free!

A glance that will shine, as my shadow saunters
An embrace that will hold me in a lasting fonder!

A praise, even when make-up fades on my face
A kiss, even when my eyes swell in disgrace!

A chest so wide, for me to gander
A mind so full of me, to ponder!

When will I find the love of my life?
That will be with me,
And be mine... and be mine!!!

My fears trickle down as tears,
Yet I crave for your kisses on my ears.

My anger overcomes my sorrows,
Yet I hope I can hold you tomorrow.

My heart still pounds hard when you are mentioned
And my love for you, grows exponential!

You are gone. I feel torn.
The dead don't return. My soul feels burnt.

All in vain. All down the drain.
The world has moved on. And I refuse to live on.

I refuse to accept. I refuse to release.
Death is not a reason. Death is just a treason.

By your grave, I will cry
Tears of sorrow, to make you abide.

You will live, You will return!
For in my heart, I shall hold you undeterred.

Percussion of thoughts…
Foundations ruined!
Foundations formed!

Demise of values…
Morals found!
Morals lost!

Array of rights…
What’s sought?
What’s got?

Accusations flaunted -
Baseless, thoughtless.

Emotions displayed -
Fake, forged, fictitious.

A world,
Where ambiguity reigns
Like Kings in a dream.

Where love comes to those
Who yearn for debris.

Where lust becomes Dharma
And destruction becomes Karma.

Where do I stand?
If I ****, I may succeed.

And return to being a baby
Smiling and sleeping to lullabies.

Why pretend be my friend?
And ditch me in the end?

Why further offend?
When I don't defend!

Why that smile still?
When you always wanted to ****?

Why crib and command?
When you've already abandoned?

You needn't walk beside me, behind me or before me
As long as you don't stab me,
Its fine!

Today was the day when I felt so lost...
Life seemed so forced, as if tomorrows wouldn't follow...

I saw myself cry...
Shed tear after tear...

I saw myself hate...
With every cell, cursing fate...

Why does every man leave?
After claiming to love me?

Why does every friend,
Still love, care and **** me?

Why does family stay?
And ex-lovers flay?

Why does my job ****?
And life seem so gray?

Am I on the right road?
Is this the right way?

Will morrow be better?
Will I fall, fail or flare?

Today was the day when I felt so lost...
Yet I live on...
Cause life is so forced!

Bereaved -
Yet deprived from my right to tears!

Shattered -
Yet forced to stay intact!

Sought after -
Yet lonely!

Life -
My Life...?
No longer mine anymore!

Yet...
Still,
In love with life...!