She is the being with no affiliations,
Too afraid to grow fond.
Thrice betrayed, she's done away with the process of forming a bond.
Her life is a series of altercations,
Particularly with ones she loves.
She heaves and cries and worries till,
She turns into a recluse still.
She dosen't know if is wrong or right,
For the way she'd speak and be,
But is it wrong for one to want Someone who loves me for me.

These people, they come into my life,
And so begins the chronic strife.
They claim to know me all too well,
Till reality is a mere ebb and swell.
They say they can read me like a book,
But they never take a closer look.
My joyless heart they never saw,
They never soothed my angry flaw.
To keep away in vain I tried,
They gave me words and I complied,
And once their emotional need was sated,
They ran away and never waited.
How does that make me feel about me?
Taken for granted will I always be ?

Those who see me are not those that I want to see,
Those who don't see me are the ones that I want to see,
See for who we are and who we would be,
Such a strange conundrum life puts before me.

Happiness is to work,
To leave all your worries behind.
Happiness is not to tarry,
But hurry towards the climb.
Happiness is being busy,
To rid ourselves of emotional stress.
Happiness is completion,
And not waiting for life's next test.
Happiness is being scripturient,
A word lesser known.
Happiness is sanity in insanity,
Of being workful and forlorn.

Tears within, smiles without,
Time, a collection of the sorrow bout.
Lonely love, collective hate,
Quest for acceptance at a gruelling rate.
Misplaced affections, new-found flaws,
Conformity to absurd social laws.
Life will leave you alert and blind,
It will make you weep and blow your mind,
Because things that you will often find,
are better than those you left behind.

I don't smile because I have bad teeth, people think I'm sad.
I'm not a sad person, what's sad is that I don't have a reason to smile.
I am not a gregarious person because I feel vulnerable that way, people think that I lack a sense of humour.
I can make certain people laugh, what's humerus is that the rest don't get that I am the joke.
I don't laugh because it is a weird sound, people think I'm serious.
I can be jovial, what's serious is that nothing is really that funny.
I usually keep to myself, because I'm scared to approach people, people think I'm scary.
I can warm up to a person after a while, what's scary is their judgement......

Happiness is reflecting sun beams through crystals,
Or watching rain through the skylight,
It's like the back stage of the theatre,
Or pop corn in a movie,
It's like coffee in the morning,
Or chocolate cake at anytime of the day ,
It's like silence in summer,
Its a song on a particularly tough night ,
Happiness is the lullaby my mother sang to me,
It is the waves tickling my feet at the beach,
It is a long walk on a starry night,
Happiness is a bear hug,
Happiness is the knowingness when tears come ...... That they will go away .

Single raindrop you came down from the heavens alone,
Single raindrop against the beautiful street light you form veins forlorn,
Single raindrop on windows in the suns ray you shine,
Single raindrop you look so little on this finger of mine,
Single raindrop from the heavenly shower you are apart,
Single raindrop what goes on within your little heart?
Single raindrop is it  charming to be the one and only,
Single raindrop in your quiet felicity don't you feel lonely ?

Old emotions in new words ran down the depth of the 12 foot end…
Swimming in the rain filled me with a strange nostalgia a happy knowing of happier truth,
I begin to swim faster and faster still till I reach the other end and when I surface I can smell the fresh earth in the first rain.....
It feels like swimming in the boundless ocean of the world through currents warm and cold as the rain falls in neat sheets tempering the warmth of the water……
Standing in the pool I get the feeling of being at two places at once , my legs at the cold surface and my arms scaling the warm bottom of the shallow end....
When the torrential dance of the clouds slows down to a gentle shimmy
I looked up from the blue tiled depth and there are stars on the surface of the water where rain meets the pool, where movement meets stagnation, where the rapid meets the still and it is a calm with a strange eerieness ..
This is what happiness means to me, the gurgle of excitement that leaves my lips bursts as a bubble of laughter at the surface of the pool……..
My tears inconspicuous in the chlorine drift into the murky reflection of the floodlights,
The rain falls soundlessly loud and old emotions in new words run down the depth of the 12 foot end…….

This world is no friend of uniformity,
The man who calls her beautiful spurns her all the same,
they take interest in her till they find new game,
Some tolerate her,those she is closest to,
others cannot but they smile at her too,
She is the passing of time in its best and truest sense,
ALAS! uniformity, how could she be so dense?
She lives in a constant conundrum of they love her or love her not,
but then again if it was true love she wouldn't have given it a second thought.
Why is this world ever condescending yet ever so polite,
Why do people smile sweetly at their victims with bloodcurdling spite,
She may appear strong but she is the timid child in the dark corner of the room,
this world is no place for uniformity she is destined for her doom.

Cakes and candles,
Broken champagne glasses,
A host of pictures with that fake smile face,
Tons of excitement and an excuse for a party,
Impersonal messages and the massive facade,
The supposed fun and a cheer "SURPRISE!!!",
Because broken expectations have an annual reminder.......Happy Birthday.

She sits lonely in the dead of the night,
Big tears making way down her face.
Not a single soul understands her troubles,
Not even her own make an attempt.
She cries away till the tears run out,
The pain somehow gives her comfort.
Grief is a territory known to her,
Its familiarity reminds her that she is alive.
She often wonders what it would feel like to run away,
But even the thought leaves her alone in a while.
No one knows how to receive her love,
She is That key to the lock that doesn't fit.

To be lost and alone in a sea of people,
Is like when too many people are around but none who understand you.
When loneliness peaks the inner realm like a high tide,
Even a mothers love does not fill the void within.
Its not enough, its never enough, all the assurance and love family and friends give.
Its not permanent, they too will go away…
Because when the tears fall in the dead of the night, they sleep in peace.
You cant always count on a dear one, if sadness reccurs you cannot expect all your burdens  to be shared and forever.
Its you against the world to find a way, a path, Your path.
Because self-reliance is the way of the world,
And loneliness is inexplicable like miracles,
Just not as exciting and awaited …………………………..

The quiet conversation of a wordy night,
A one-sided promise to never loose sight.
Sleepy words against sleepless silence,
An open **** of her ample reliance.
Tears and smiles all spread alike,
There hung her emotions on his cruel spike.
He said to her with Malicious innocence: Don't  ever break my heart,
She replied in a mournful whisper: How can i break something I haven't touched?

For the first time in a long time i was home alone,
For the first time in a long time i really thought,
For the first time in a long time i really Felt the wind on my face,
For the first time in a long time i acknowledged that someone else besides me could be right too,
For the first time in a long time i could feel the warmth around me,
For the first time in a long time i looked the sun directly in the eye,
For the first time in a long time i imbibed my freedom,
and i realised that i wasn't unhappy anymore.........

My darling baby girl,
If i say that life is like a rainbow,then i would be lying to you.
Because sweetheart it isn't, life is more like rain........
sometimes its heavy, sometimes a drizzle, sometimes a storm and sometimes a dry spell.
Life is something you make rainbows in with your sunshine.....
Because like the seasons, people come and go and bad things happen to good people.
That is no reason to be unhappy!
You are too young to take on the troubles of the world and too young to be too sad.
Life can give you its worst and best on the same day, it can take you places you haven't dreamed of.
Give life a chance, let it take you on this wondrous journey.......
Love yourself my sweet and take your freedom, fly away like a bird.
Laugh sweet girl because your laugh, its the best sound i have ever heard.
I love you beyond the capacity of my heart and it pains me to see you this way,
You have a long and lovely life, begin it with some music and sway.
Dance in the rain baby because this time will never come again.
There is plenty of time to be sad in life but less time to make happiness remain

Life is like a random array of perfectly sculpted moments.
I stood in a moment of silence reminiscing to the tune of the wind, in the glimmer of the lights in the distance.
My life, is like a photo album of assorted moments :
The first time I met my best friend ; the half afraid,lost baby gazelle look she gave me.
The first time she cried, that big eyed girl.... Tear and kohl stained cheeks, embarrassed eyes and my hushed tone : this too shall pass.
The unexpected confession of a shy person in a soft voice : I had to stalk you a bit for this, she sketched a portrait of me for my birthday.
The awkward hug and we will see you soon, I can still remember my grandpas face red and holding back tears.
The bear-like side hug and a kiss on my forehead, it was an understanding from the older brother that I never had, thank you for meeting me.
The drunken slurry "you know more than most do" from the friend who isn't a friend anymore.
The feeble hug, lingering soft fingers and a goodbye promise to meet soon, from the grandmother I miss a lot.
Those wide eyes,the feeling of respect from the sister who means the world to me.
The all-too-soft goodnight kiss from a mother on a particularly bad night, she stroked my hair an said that she loved me.
And the pat on the back and a tearstained hug , the words "I am proud of you" from the father who is the centre of my world.

Loveless child, not unloved but still at sea,
Sleepless child, stares wide-eyed in a mournful plea,
Selfish child, stays quiet for the attention of the room,
Lonely child, looking for love to bloom,
Blunt child, says it more clearly than she should,
Unhappy child, impassive like wood,
Troublesome child, not doing as she is told,
Stubborn child, with her antics made bold,
Three words to this child : You are Lovable and Cherished,
Will save her Soul from being Scarred or Perished.

I am like a gust of wind,
My temperament changes more often than expected,
I go here I go there my moods go everywhere,
from the peak of happiness to the pit of anger.
I can be a piece of work.
I am rebel of sorts the classic kind,
Dark and poetic a glitch in this time,
Wild and free yet so afraid of what awaits me and what's already there.
Ego lives within me its my partner in crime.
Never believe me when I say that I am fine,
It's a trick I play more often than not,
Its a lie, usualIy hide my Feelings and thoughts.
If you ever read my poems and stories you'd know,
I write of sad things and rain and snow.
What I write reflects but on my state of mind,
It's young and childish and emotionally blind.

You gave me hope and it shattered too,
For I am bruised and battered too,
And every wound you've given me
Lives on proud like a legacy.
Since every thought I spent on you,
Seems like a waste and pointless too.
You taught me much and mended me,
But now i've grown and we are free.
You go your way and I'll go mine,
We part as friends ; the world is thine ........

For all the love and pain and dread,
And every little note you read.
I will remember the happy times,
Like tossing nickels pennies and dimes.
The comfortable quiet of our breath,
The more than often speech of death.
The stories that u often told,
Of kings and dragons strong and bold.
I will remember that odd little smile,
It got my heart racing for quite a while.
But most of all when I think of you,
I know for sure that u will think of me too .......

Because planes look beautiful in the night sky,
Because besides what science has to say, I still believe that I can jump on clouds ,
Because I believe that the night sky is purple not black ,
Because I have thinking glasses and not a thinking cap,
Because I feel cold in the summer breeze and nothing is better than coffee or the rain,
Because rose tinted glasses show me yellow rainbows and orange seas ,
Because the setting sun is a tangerine sweet in my palm ,
Because I breathe to smell and not to survive ,
Because I hate life but I love living ,
Because I am me, not who I should or am expected to be.........

She sat in the calm serenity of the riverside
yet her anticipation made her twitch
she couldn't understand the depth of the emotion
and the river flowed on and the river flowed on

It was a strange sort of excitement
that overwhelmed her from within
which made sitting in peace by the river
feel like running in a meadow, breathless,
but the river flowed on the river flowed on

The hope and happiness spread through her veins
a warm glowy reassurance like feeling
as her mind leapt and bound around at lovely possibilities
of what is and what was to come
but the river flowed on the river flowed on

She imagined herself so full of a music
that would play with the beat of her heart
and the notes would flow like the tears of happiness on her cheek
which was now as stark as the mist
but the river flowed on the river flowed on

And the lone white heart which longed for her one
beat its last ga-lump,
her lungs breathed the last breath, a soft kiss goodbye
and the river flowed on the river flowed on.................

Tonight i am close to tears,
Tonight my broken heart lays heavy in my chest,
Tonight the rain sings me a ballad,
Tonight the leaves on the trees weep in my sorrow,
Tonight the breeze tries to console me ever so slightly,
Tonight the church bell rings in the distance,
Tonight a woman wails in her sleep,
Tonight the thunder sounds her bugle of war,
Tonight the stroke of lightening takes a toll,
her sacrifice to the heavens,
Tonight Gaia smiles a wicked smile,
Tonight my village dies  a fiery death,
and I stand here watch it be no more .... no more ..... no more ......

Who knew that we won't always be the people that we were.
The little girl with a carefree smile, Whatever happened to her?
All she does is frown all day, shout and fit and scream away.
Her giggles and laughter which knew no bounds, has morphed to snarls like that of hounds.

Sometimes, she still resembles her little self,
When she sees the rain or a starry elf.
There is still a semblance  of that happy child,
i keep trying to tell myself that she will be back in a while .

She misses being able to think no bounds, and admire all the sights and sounds.
to read and write and sleep all day, every day is an effort to keep the nightmares away.
I guess she has lost a part of who she was, which won't come back till the fire thaws.
Or maybe it will be back before the urn, to save her from life's icy burn.

Alone she stands in the battlefield
Bruised and battered not ready to yield
Brave she is , a soldier strong
Alone she's fought for a time too long
She will not falter she will not break
She will conquer every challenge she will take
Her wounds are heavy and they don't heal yet
But she will not rest till her goal is met
The end has come , she is hurt and bleeding but the fighting  is done
She is brave , she is a survivor and her battle stands won .....