Life's necessities
Are our friends, children, spouses,
And loving Savior.

Shall I come upon the chance
To ever know your heart?
For it has been scores of moons
Since mine searched out yours...

In that time, groping through darkness
Within that lofty cavern, water dripping
Searching for my flint upon the damp floor
Amongst all the stalagmites,
Never reaching stalactites.

Fondly how I remember those times,
And its warm nostalgia
Just as now there resides a flutter
At the thought of your face.

So now, shall the distance remain?
Over the arc of the earth my heart wanders
Desperately, yet cautiously
Afraid and hopeful.

Yet within this glorious reef
There is risk of certain grief
That is traveling past the belligerent shore
Just to obtain the deeply wished core.
Calling memory from back awhile
Dating then unto thy chosen isle
Where the reef lay hidden inside
And her true triumph let unhide.

In fear of blowing the engine once more
The forever vessel sulks by this shore
Then adversely sails onto the blue sea
Where there it may always be.

But undoubtedly, the memory shall not fade
When the nervous Cartographer's mark is made.

Suppression disallowed a chance
For my heart to speak aloud
No faint voice ever lived alive
In reality, this exists true,
Without a choice.

I lapsed myself in silence
Just to give a chance to listen,
To my soul, to my heart
To listen and only be heard
By myself

What do I hear, of the pain
It echos within inside myself
A cry of tears, of anguish
Dying and drowning in perpetual,
Salty blood.

The only shriek whispered out
Shudders through a quiet sigh
I'm dying from the inside out
My heart vibrates its chord of death
Evermore.

A wave sent to my limbs
Feeling every feel, living every cry
To find the machine stuttering,
Telling someone to listen to it,
None do.
Not even myself.

Whirling...
Whirling...
A hear the whirling of the wheel
Air escaping and entering cavities
In the whirling wheel.
Gold becomes goal
And the fingertip needle
Puts me to sleep
At the whirling of the wheel.

Every morrow, I yearn to see your face.
Every sun, I welcome you in the same place.
My heart.

One hug or two is all that I ever need
It rescues my heart from the cold and feeds
Your warmth.

The sun rises but is not complete until after
I see its light and feel your warmth and laughter
Every morrow.

Even should I rip every nerve from my flesh,
Will I still feel this agonizing pain?
For I am left to lay here, alone without an option
Until this illness is taken from me.

Oh do I have empathy for prisoners in their cells
Their minds not quicker than flesh
In the same manner I am bound here to brood
To soak within my own torment.

I remember the days with your fingers through my hair
Watching over me, caretaking.
But now not a soul has ne'er an interest in me
For all they know, I could be dead.

Alas, yes the thought has been planted, yet,
The soil around strangles it.
For if it were not for that rich soil that you,
Are not a part of, it would bloom.

Perhaps I'll draw a line to prove my insanity
Instead of going down the road
And then, maybe, just maybe you will see then,
The iceberg's tip from the beast beast beneath.

You have finally renewed your sight
Here is the highest of content.
Your soul has become extremely light
No more smaller than the prevalent dent.
        Has difference come unto you.

A pinch of hole has entered in space
That could not be cut with a mere knife
But with spirit and peace, there is a case
That you can find what's really to life
The meaning comes unto you.

Deep and conscious thought is ease to ye
Not just deep thoughts for shallow minds.
Soon, maybe soon, you shall see
God will be with you to find you finds.
        Peace, has come unto you.

How I wish the blade upon you
Your lips are benign to all
Yet your heart, malignant

You believe that you know my pain
That you think I deserve it all
So should I gouge your heart?
To give a sample of it?

You had no shame to embrace
One committed to another.
Your selfish ambitions are the death
Of you.

You're not even worth the dust of Earth
Your touch is cold
The steel of Brutus' dagger
Into Caesar's back.

Oh how your statue has evolved
You never cared about me,
Brutus.

For if I am true of your intentions,
Then God's judgment will rain upon you.

There is a voice that speaks to me.
A voice that is not afraid.
A voice who speaks only truth.
Which pledges utmost loyalty

But this voice refuses to speak
With an absence of peace.
Yet the presence of evil.
And it makes the human soul weak.

When this voice speaks so clever
It guides me through life and love
Tells me not to be afraid.
For this guide shall never sever.

Listen to me quite carefully.
There is an abomination of love
Blinding love for miles around.

Hearts hidden behind this red haze
Trapped in a world of imagination
Not registering reality, not seeing
What's actually there.

Looking at nothing but the future of love.
With great and utmost optimism
You, a healthy outlook to hold
But when it blinds, disastrous society.

Cease abuse of that love red haze
The heart will spark the mind to raze
Otherwise caught in love's passionate gaze
And untrue to the truth or reality daze.
So open the eyes to the actual blaze
That lies along the line of time
Downstream in boiling oil.

Once open you see the lovers truth
To see true friends and those playing game.
I myself 'twas caught in the haze
And have finally widened my eyes to see...

The ashes.

Father, on my knees I pray
The strongest and deepest ever.
A cry to you, the tears roll
From my shut eyelids and fall
Unto my repose.

A student of Darwinism,
I fall to the floor
Hoping, praying to God
Obliviating all surroundings,
Obsessively calling to
"Please give me Grace."

Listening to music,
Surround by its majesty
Embracing the beat in my blood
Freely and joyfully chatting
The three of us, friends                          Et tu, Brute?
Wagering the night away
Then amongst chaos,
The anomaly wisps away                       To breathe easy...
And so tension remains
Leaving us alone.
So the spark fires off.
And I ponder upon you...                      It's just you and I
                                                                          I miss you
                                                                          To only stretch out
It doesn't seem right...                            To touch, to tickle
                                                                          Wrap my arms around you
Too much...                                                 Kiss you on the neck
                                                                          To revolve you to me
No.. I can't...                                               And kiss you
                                                                          Let you know I love you
Why must you persist?                          Is that a crime?
                                                                          I miss your touch,
The anguish must stop                           Your ever-loving care
And the silence rules
So without explanation,
I retreat away                                             I love you...
To brood without heart.

Is the mirror lying
Or do my eyes deceive me?
How I thought I knew a shining star
The image broadcast through others
Just as every dark cloud has a silver lining
Every treasure trove hides a danger

When did that star ever shine,
Instead of gleaming from the polish of others
Mayahp in truth this shining star
Is easily drown out by the lights around
So now does it shine from polish,
Or do does it shine in truth and glory?

Moving pictures in my head
Fueling sadness
My love drives me insane,
To heaven
Then hell
And back.

Why must I live this way?
Sorrowed over the defeat
For you.
Why can't I live as you?
With forever optimism
And blindness
From love.

Deep inside me, yet where I not know,
Is the truest of all, the heaviest sorrow.
    I know not why, I know how,
    A great thing in me, at right now.
Wishing my eyes shut on this dimensionality
With worries of nothing, just in the reality
    When I return, along with my worries
    They'll be lessened, along with my furies.

I have twice of what I never had,
Either one or the other, too sad.
My soul is warped
As it goes Northeast
My thoughts I sort
And discover four beast
One I knew, I felt, so painful
A desire which thinks all's beautiful
One I see, locked away inside
It's power is anger, I'll never abide.
One I discover, takes of rule
Stops me from living, fear is cruel.
One i am. I was. I'm now.
Rules of all, as loyal I bow.
All go to all ways
Never to follow another
Endless as rays
Neutral as the mother.
What the center, they
Can't describe anymore.
I go forth to north,
Which element are you for?

In this universe
There are two kinds of people,
Being locked or not.

Emotions built from:
Anger, envy, pride, and greed.
Having a locked heart.

The feelings born from:
Fear, sorrow, and sympathy
Own an unlocked heart.

Then you are able,
If you have, just the right heart,
To begin this quest.

I go moving, from place to place.
Only looking, with the same face.

I remember trying since that day.
Yet failing the same, in every way.

So forgetting that, and moving on,
Seeking elsewhere, from dusk til dawn.

I let myself down, a second time,
Such failure I hate, again to mime.

Great sorrow weighted me down til now.
This time, not to give up, is what I vow.

Lives are changing,
But the world remains the same
It's mass confusion
Unless we play the game.

Win or lose
They're all just the same
Except for Order
Within the Engine Brain

There sifts sands in the hourglass
A mended old antique
On the darkness stands the strong
And in the light of the weak

Within the common parallax
There's a universal truth
Which exclusively discovered,
When we're fresh and in our youth.

We are the future...
Understand,
While you Can.

Education within my soul
Is understood as quick as I know
When it strides in my eyes
And my ears and makes a home.
But inside socialism and love
I might as well drop the course.

I hear a cry from deep inside the ashes
Behind the rubble, within the dust
Under bars of cold hard steel
Rotted away from rotten rust.

A scream of confusion out loud so loud
Dying to know what possessed this soul.
Of a thousand evils, they're passing through
And spinning me a depression hole.

A voice honest, loyal, loving, just,
Unlike the raiding evilness inside me.
My real side, which seldom comes
And rescues what tormenting day would be.

It takes control of my life
And is confused as for what to do.
Not knowing if that year-old virus
Is proving to myself very true

Considers the options,
To wait one last time,
Or to throw that out,
For an entire new chime.

It knows what to do,
With its own mind
But there's this heart
That makes the past bind.

Every sun, reveals a chamber of despair
A crying tomb of loving love,
Which seldom loved to care.

Not even the sparkling heavens sway,
Relieve a permanent pain
The sun rises every day.

To which a dangling heart rocks
From a lost love lust.
Ne'er again happiness knocks.

I have strangled the child
Since you left it to die
To keep it from suffering further
To relieve my ears of its wails.

For we fostered this child together
And promised to nurture it.
Let it prosper into great beauty,
Into mighty strength.

Yet then, you change its diapers
With such fear and disdain.
For you were jealous of others
Supposedly in their superiority.

So it was left for me, alone
The cries were endless
No joy was due to last
The next tear was just around the corner.

Within my own despair, I hoped
That I could provide on my own
And prove its worth
But you never turned your head.

So then, I found my belt
And fastened it around the neck.
Through its wails and my tears
I tightened until the silence came.

Our minds are the dripping faucets
Heralding the drops with great prestige

Yet the rivers of memories long lost...
Are the ones we should cherish the most.

Stronger than any other force
Pulled in by the gravity of love.
Afraid to lose the precious charm,
To some other underling heart.

I make myself ill, thinking of you,
In reality and inside my dreams.

But then granted to stop caring of the past.
And look forward to what's to come.
I will continue to fight for love,
Until the same is echoed back to me.

The end is here
And a beginning shall follow.
I hear the lady singing,
So beautifully it might
Bring withheld tears.

I have come from being fresh,
To the ignorance of the next,
Only to meet the challenge
Of my life.

I have survived and preserved.
I have gun what will not end,
And now I leave only to return,
Knowing what I have accomplished,
I shall reinstate myself,
With seniority.

I love you even more than I understand
Thinking of you every moment that I can.
I wonder how I ever got this way
But it’s too late now
To even wonder how
Why I love you each and every day.

To me you are my glorified angel,
Regardless of what you say or do.
Yet, there is a barrier surrounding me.
Holding in my love
For my angel above
But when this dam breaks you will soon see.

The mind say not to dwell on the past
And to move on, wrong the heart says
It controls my body, and falls in love with you.
You’re my happiness
I will never think less.
And the sadness will go when you love me too.

Souls lying on the ground saturated
Of anguish, hurt, lovelessness, or more.
Thanking God one especially matter,
In which agony never brooded blood or gore
From its own existence.  In my eyes though,
Wishing to take pain unto my core
Because a bit more than what's there
Never really matters if it knocks on my door.

Do dwell on the past pain,
It's part of the game
To plan for the future.

I see now my intentions
Of life, of living
I consider a first step
To why we are here.
A question that is asked
Left unanswered
So I will start learning
Yet so far, not near
But where as better to start
Than at the cosmos?

She ran away from the unleashed dog
Who doesn't seldom whine
Would never harm a heart
In the name of love.

When the anger deep inside my heart
Is released unto the world
It makes bonds between my friends part.

Only those few can stop this anger of me
It's those not directed at.
And my chosen isle from the sea.

Al well as the radiating light
That you give when you smile
Anger dies at your beautiful sight.

I remember the scene, although I've never seen it.
It was the night and quiet. Sobbing surrounds.
For the weight was too much.
The setting, not right.

I want to pour out this pain,
The many droplets that remind me
The thorn in my side
A constant heartache
To remind myself.

Let my tears be acid, falling from the wells of my eyes
Burning through the floor of the bathtub.
The water on my back will never wash the stains away.
Yet only follow the holes through which I cried.

I remember my denial. I remember what I knew, but didn't.
How all along, your tears, ones to quench a dove's thirst
Were falling from your heart. Onto a shoulder, not mine.
And then your hearts met and embraced, for the first time.

I read one another's
and I ponder so.
I thinks it a clue,
To what I yet not know
A decision of two
Pushing to and fro
Whether to shine light,
Or search and go
And pull into the light,
What I may yet not know.
Or is it what I fear?
My outmatching foe?
Going here and there
And giving sorrow
Of failure again?

A friend of life, for I have two.
One is old, one is new.
The old for which I forever trust
To never forget, I truly must.
One I have known for ten long years
With my goodbyes, I fought back tears.
To today, I don't forget you see,
I hope my friend, doesn't for me.
I remember the times, that once were.
Times of fun that's for sure.
The friend of new also I trust.
Good times, which toward I ******.
One who cheers me for when I'm said.
The kind of friend, I've never had,
Our hearts beat closer, ever more
A kind of yearning, I've wanted for.
One makes me happy, even more,
A friend of life, makes my heart soar.

I ramble along in these halls
Discovering a lack of smile
In my mind and heart.

I glide through the doors
With from you more happiness
And warmth outside.

In the shadow of my light
I realize something’s not right
Not a young kid anymore,
I’m in the real world’s fight.

If you fools only knew
How much I'm fooling you.
With a silent stubborn thought cloud
But sometimes silence, can seem so loud.

A persistent torture
For one moon now.
An insane mind
From no know-how.

A field of grass
This sea of green
An azure sky
Then sudden scream.

If you ever want to see,
My thoughts they by God ask me,
You'll never find the way I think
Until you pour up my thoughts and take a drink.

When shall I stop hating the moon?
Surely, outside my door, in the black of night,
When you are coming to and from fullness,
I watch you light my night and smile upon me.

Yet I only grimace and wish for you to leave.

For was it not you, oh moon, who watched the onset of my agony?
For was it not you, oh moon, who watched me fall to my knees crying?
For it is you, oh moon, who reminds me of what I lost.
What I used to have.

Let God dig through the depths of my flesh and mind,
And journey into the depths of my heart,
And place the scale, to replace...

Pain with Joy
Disdain with Delight
Past with Future Hopes

When, oh moon, will your day come,
When in the night you light my way,
And I shall not resent it?

Come rain,
Come storm,
Unleash my wrath upon the ground.
Come thunder,
Come wind,
Strike the trees down pound for pound.

A silent agony which holds a mask,
Too much to bottle in a thousand flasks.
Come lightning,
Come storm,
And throw fury upon those who hurt me.

Oh, how I ever do love you so!
Perhaps more I shall recognize...
Such a strong love for a young body,
As mine, a love of insanity
It's what I've been waiting for; true love.

Your love I yearn for,
A kiss from thine lips
And your warmest heart,
Beating to my own.

If it's not my time,
Then when will it be?
I'm sick of waiting
While I watch what I see
I'm left alone
A lonely fish in the sea
I wish my white dove
Would just come back to me
No girlfriend to have
No use for a knee
I want my time now.
I don't want to be
Single anymore.
I feel lonely.
Cause nobody look
In direction at me.

Time has started
And our destinies have parted,
But it's a shame
That our past was disregarded.
If only I knew
That you needed to know
I didn't know where to go,
So I could flow into
The rivers of your heart
Where our love would grow.
Now life's unstable
Making modern fable,
From which I learn
That now I'm able.

'Cause I don't want to live without your love,
All I want is to make you happy
Look at me when I smile from above,
Smile back and I'll see you're happy.

If you and me
Had gotten together, baby,
Things wouldn't be
The way they are
We could have gone far
But not so fast
That it would put our lives
In a cast (like now)
And now when I look back
At the possibilities
With the present responsibilities
I smile at how much
I learned from you.

How could I ever live without your love
All I want is to see you happy.
Maybe you're willing, be my white dove
Then someday you'll make me happy.

If I do walk around
With my love for you,
Will you turn your head?
And stop ignoring me?
Like you did before,
Never giving a chance
To a guy who once liked you,
But now loves instead.
Please turn your head
Don't turn your back on me.
I hate to be ignored
There's only a year left,
Don't make me feel
As if I loved you,
For so long in vain.

If only I could be awake
To see myself sleep.
In this frozen frame of time
Counting the sheep

A heart is only so strong
To care for all
The mind one day sleeps
And next will fall.

Stuck in a world of love
This one cannot move on.
He loves this girl you see
Tormenting dreams til dawn.

He waits around this one
Waiting for her love.
He watches her give to others
While he watches from above.

Feeding a lack of love
From a journey life long
He waits for her to love him
Or his love to be gone.

Cataclysm masked in magma
And bulging land, aching the trees.
Nervousness and candor entwined
Caution dissipating quickly.
Eruption.
Love has abdicated the throne
Leniency lacking, giving no quarter
Engulfed in the Nietzsche monster
Death when lava flows on Pompeii.

Today is swaddled in yesteryear.
Left in the iron cradle alone.
Arise from repose, with stale mind
The morrow tarnished by dreams.
Pouring regret over my cereal
I take a spoonful so I stand in place.

There is no ideation, alas, also no striving.
The world's hue has faded from my eyes.
The blue iris around a sea of dreams,
Now is light ash around charcoal.
A type of purgatory, so I burn in my sins.

I think back to the lighthouse on the shore
Wistfully, wonderfully, beacon bright.
When the mind and heart made harmony
And angels proclaimed majesty on high.

The anchor was heralded by the mind,
Keeping the voyaging vessel docked at bay.
An anchor for my soul, yet naught of the heart.

Heart found not the Dutchman, but Jolly Roger
Slipping and setting sail, the mind melded not.

So now here.  Each following breath is waning.

If only...