Even should I rip every nerve from my flesh,
Will I still feel this agonizing pain?
For I am left to lay here, alone without an option
Until this illness is taken from me.

Oh do I have empathy for prisoners in their cells
Their minds not quicker than flesh
In the same manner I am bound here to brood
To soak within my own torment.

I remember the days with your fingers through my hair
Watching over me, caretaking.
But now not a soul has ne'er an interest in me
For all they know, I could be dead.

Alas, yes the thought has been planted, yet,
The soil around strangles it.
For if it were not for that rich soil that you,
Are not a part of, it would bloom.

Perhaps I'll draw a line to prove my insanity
Instead of going down the road
And then, maybe, just maybe you will see then,
The iceberg's tip from the beast beast beneath.

Upon the spring of a time once past,
An introduction was conducted by one
To another where the time would come.
And meet later to make acquaintance last.
He dwelt upon the memory, held it fast,
Kept its contents from seeming numb.

In repose he lay charmed once more,
By her charm, her smile and hair.
For he gave a smile to his lady fair
Unconscious to his thought at the core.
And the echo through his ear evermore.
"Hello, stranger" with amicable care.

He then aged threescore days.
Never forgetting his memory.
Reminding always will there she be
With physical absence and spiritual craze.
Storing the face in a foggy haze,
Gaping into the void in reverie.

I have twice of what I never had,
Either one or the other, too sad.
My soul is warped
As it goes Northeast
My thoughts I sort
And discover four beast
One I knew, I felt, so painful
A desire which thinks all's beautiful
One I see, locked away inside
It's power is anger, I'll never abide.
One I discover, takes of rule
Stops me from living, fear is cruel.
One i am. I was. I'm now.
Rules of all, as loyal I bow.
All go to all ways
Never to follow another
Endless as rays
Neutral as the mother.
What the center, they
Can't describe anymore.
I go forth to north,
Which element are you for?

A friend of life, for I have two.
One is old, one is new.
The old for which I forever trust
To never forget, I truly must.
One I have known for ten long years
With my goodbyes, I fought back tears.
To today, I don't forget you see,
I hope my friend, doesn't for me.
I remember the times, that once were.
Times of fun that's for sure.
The friend of new also I trust.
Good times, which toward I ******.
One who cheers me for when I'm said.
The kind of friend, I've never had,
Our hearts beat closer, ever more
A kind of yearning, I've wanted for.
One makes me happy, even more,
A friend of life, makes my heart soar.

I hear stories, I wonder why,
I am so lucky, to live like I do.
Tragedy striking all but me
I'm truly sorry my friend.

But you know you can trust God
For he loves you.
I trust you.  You can trust me.
That's a promise.

There commenced a prevalent day
A day that was my own
My head being full of insanity
For if only I had known
Ere I found peace hath escaped me.
Desire had complete *******
A desire which had for years starved
What quickly came an abomination.
For it had such awesome denial
And even asked for devotion
Before it or I could even think twice
I felt a change of emotion
Such a change that said failure
So hence it finally left
I came to thee, and checked around,
It committed a great theft
Before I looked into my soul,
And was blind at what was there
Now again in peace I find
Happiness, cause I care.

Again I think
Crazy yet it may be but still
Racking my memory of sounds and pictures,
Going over them, again and again.
        I lay there, before God
        I lay there, on my dreams
In a room where light has been shut out.
And I feel, as if I were blind
As one sense is blind, another becomes not.

I read one another's and learn more of them.
How they have a devotion, not an obsession.
To one, and only one.
I discover a mistake, I scold myself.
One reassures me, yet I do know better.
I fear disaster of that beautiful devotion.
For I try to not ruin another,
And take it all for myself.
Or do I?

Time runs on, and clues elude me.
Until a word, is said, and I think,
The truth all rushes to me.
At once I feel overwhelmed.
One word triggers the clues.
One proves their devotion to me.
Their devotion another.
One word, so generous.
One word, so harmful.

In pain, I cry, of my own fault.
Looking for devotion in all the wrong places.
And now should I control this?
To be controlled forever, the undying devotion?
Only to keep myself out of pain?

My third shot, if failed,
Shall be the zenith of pain.
I sense myself starving for it.
I ask the Lord, "Why is it?"
To be so happy and said
That is the price of peace.
So, I face the grim truth,
Instead of becoming desperate.

Never before within my life
        Have I ever been loved.
And never again of this life
        Shall I ever be loved.

Yet, I still hope.