There must be something better out there.
Something that doesn't involve
Yelling,
Annoyance, or
Pain.

What can bring me joy and happiness?

I haven't found it yet.
I haven't found the thing that will
Bring me a smile.

My friends give me hope.
I know I'm almost there.
The joy and happiness from them is
Intense.
Life feels better.

I'm halfway there,
Halfway to happiness.

Over there
toilets are,
essentially,
holes in the ground
decorated and sometimes modernized
and you sit on them
feeling a lot of pressure
on your knees
and it's hard to imagine
that one can *******
in such an uncomfortable position
But it can be done ...

I want to forget ...

I've been searching these deserts
I've been rummaging through my closet
I've been eating more than usual
I've been spontaneously bursting into laughter
I've been attentive
I've been regularly missing taking my anti-depressants
I've been crying hard all at once (expectedly)
I've been very extremely me

This is okay - this is okay
Thank you life
I'm okay.

I'm at this airport and it's like a chorus
The people go up the ramps
Fly away for 3 days like Horus
The returner's come home now
Waiting families embrace them with love
Jumbo jets zoom outside these giant windows
Visitors, excitedly saunter
Into this new and open place...

And this is okay
Thank you, thank you airport
I'm okay.

the song on her phone sings me out of last night and off our bed
I'm only rising
not waking from a terrible dream like I wish

be weak be strong decide lead love allow
be nice be a monster
but I let her walk on me

run over me
take the last ember
open my arteries like a paper

I'm working on a headache that
should last a lifetime
while sugar falls and burns