My hands are small
My knees are bruised
My ankles,
Undefined

My eyes are far apart
My chest flat like a boy’s
My skin,
It itches

But

These are the hands that hold a friend up
These are the hands that write
These are the hands that gesticulate wildly
Bringing laughter and sometimes, delight

These are the knees that balance me
When I’m high, very high up
These are the knees that walk with me
And keep me standing up

These are the ankles that kick
These are the ankles that walk
These are the ankles that pick
What street to wander, what block

These eyes are the ones that show me all
These are eyes that can see
These are eyes so dark blue
Blue as the deep, very deep sea

This is the chest
Flat as a boy’s
Which, honestly, I like
Perhaps I will hide as a boy
And do whatever I like

And my skin, this skin of mine
What should I do with you?
I scratch and the pain wakes me up
I scratch and I feel alive
So I guess nothing
Is what I will do

I'm barely breathing, barely breathing
How can you not tell?
I'm barely breathing, barely breathing
Can you see how far I've fell?

My heart is thumping, heart is thumping
How can you not hear?
My heart is thumping, heart is thumping
It happens when you're near

My legs are shaking, legs are shaking
How can you not see?
My legs are shaking, legs are shaking
It started when you smiled at me

My breathing falters, breathing falters
whenever you pull me close
My breathing falters, breathing falter
Now we are nose to nose

I love you so much, love you so much
So much that it hurts
I love you so much, love you so much
when you say it back you make it worse

I know you love me, know you love me
I know it from everything you do
I know you love me, know you love me
It will be just me and you

Where oh where
The cat inside me howls
Where is my mate?
He whose growls
Slither up my spine
Taking their time
Enfold me, unwind me
Control me, bind me
To him

Where has he gone?
It hasn’t been long
But where did he go?
I don’t know, I don’t know

Where is my other half?
He who makes me smile
He who makes me laugh
He who makes me wild
Where is my other half?

I want someone who,
When I say

I’m useless.
I shouldn’t be alive!
Why not **** myself?

To say

I’d miss you

Writing in candlelight
Candlelight from Costco
The words look vibrant
Against the white page
Flowing across the page
My trusty quill,
A black fine point Sharpie
Firmly in my grip
The grip that every elementary school teacher
Tried in vain to talk me out of

My computer shines in the night
Calling like a siren song
A blank Google Doc
I could write you all night long

The keys light up
Showing me the way
Tomorrow I have school
But tonight is still today

The sounds my fingers make
Marching across the keys
Words and writings and rhymes
Buffet me like a sea breeze

I type and type and type
And there is still more
My hands, fast and beautiful
Like a wave hitting a shore

Some of this is bad
Some of it is good
Some will be great
Like I always knew I could

And in the days to come
I will fix my errors
But I have to remember how I felt
The night madness and night terrors

The thing I like about poetry is
You can end a poem any way you want
If you are stuck
Just stop.
Throw
In
Some
Strange formatting
And
You’re
Good
To

as black as a nightmare
and the land where nightmares lie
as black as death
and the heart of a man about to die

A stinging pain
An open cut
Bruised knuckles
And red eyes
Reminders of last night

Last night when I punched a cardboard box to death
It’s a poor girl’s punching bag
It works

The dull, thudding beat of my fists
Accentuated by tears dropping and dripping
To the floor
And the stray stifled sob
That breaks free
And embarrasses me

Where oh where
The cat inside me howls
Where is my mate?
He whose growls
Slither up my spine
Taking their time
Enfold me, unwind me
Control me, bind me
To him

Where has he gone?
It hasn’t been long
But where did he go?
I don’t know, I don’t know

Where is my other half?
He who makes me smile
He who makes me laugh
He who makes me wild
Where is my other half?

The words and the rhymes
I spit out
Pacing my room
Trying to make sense of these feelings
Before the consume
Me

Until there’s nothing left
So words and rhymes are all I have left
To make sense of this
Broken pain
Wild joy
Violent grief
Cursed longing
And the emptiness
Deep
Inside

Enough
Enough!
The voice inside me cries
Enough, enough, enough!
Enough of the betrayal, distrust, and lies
Enough of the lust, love, and heartbreak!
Too many, too many emotions
That make my heart break

Too many nights with no one to hold
Too many hours hiding, afraid to be bold
Too many shivers down my spine that make me cold
Too many times when I think I’ll never grow old

Words on a page
Put me in a daze
Put me in a trance
It's a solemn sort of dance

Aye my life is a solemn sort of moment
My night is of a solemn sort
A solemn sort?
A sort that is solemn

What does solemn mean?
Can you give an example
Sure! the child was solemn
Before he got trampled

Oh God no! One less horrific
But a solemn child is horrifying
Now isn’t that terrific?

No it’s not at all!
Who are you to say what’s not?
After all, what have you been taught?
I’ll tell you what-absolutely naught!

I’ve been taught!
Yes taught by me
You are just a piece
Of machinery
A clog in my pain
Clogging up my brain
Making me inebriate
I’m drunk on my thoughts
And I can’t see straight

I can help you!
No you can’t!
I know where your help leads to!
Me drowning in the deep blue
Either of my tears or the ocean
Drowned until I cannot make a motion
Who needs alcohol when you are me?
And you are me, you piece of machinery