What do I do when home doesn’t feel like home anymore? They say, broken hearts write the most beautiful yet the saddest lines. I guess it’s true. My parents warned me about the drugs in the streets, but never the ones with a pair of beautiful eye and a heartbeat. I love him knowing I shouldn’t. What a mistake right? Falling for him wasn’t really falling at all. It was like wandering and walking into a house and suddenly knowing, I’m home. Home isn’t always about having those four high walls, a roof and a door. Sometimes, it’s an open arm, a pair of mesmerizing eye and a heartbeat. His arms were my home more than our house was. I love his voice. I love his smile. I even love his laugh. I just love everything about him. I love him the way I should’ve loved myself. And that’s where I went wrong. We were good together, but not good for forever. What happened? What happened to us? It was nice until it lasted. What was the problem? He left, I cried. He felt fine, I was dying. He was my air, and now, I couldn’t breathe. He said goodbye, but I was still holding on to hello. I always wondered what I did to make him leave. Am I not enough? “Forever” he said. Who knew that forever meant 200 days, 8 hours, 5 minutes and 2 seconds. I didn’t choose pain, I chose him and then pain followed. Losing him isn’t what hurts the most, it was knowing that losing me didn’t hurt him. Even a single bit. He told me he loved me, was it ever true? Was it fun breaking my heart? Was it fun watching me fall apart? Was it fun watching me suffer? Was it that easy leaving me? I just lost someone who didn’t care about me, he lost someone who would’ve done anything for him. I just lost someone who didn’t love me, he lost someone who truly loved him. No, we didn’t date. Technically, he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend but he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe, an ex-almost. I have to ask; did I really matter to him? I thought he was worth it, but I was wrong. I don’t regret us, but I wouldn’t do it again. And maybe, just maybe we weren’t meant to be together but always remember that you will always be my favorite yet most painful story to tell. I deserve to be happy and I will be happy even if that happiness doesn’t include him anymore. He was my home for so long but then I realized, humans cannot be homes. If homes can leave, then they are not homes. Because homes stay, but sad to say, he walked away.
Eulogy