I'm still learning to be a brother,
I'm still learning to be a lover,
So I do understand, how you could move on to another.
Let his fire ignite your soul, for I know I left you broken and cold.

After that night, I didn't have to look to the skies to see stars.
I didn't have to look into a pool to see waters worth wading in, for I found the depths whose pressure I could stand right there in your eyes.
I saw the stars when I reached heaven with you, our skin, sweating, pressed against each other. I looked God in the eyes and said, "We are one", and he made it so. But even then I couldn't have said that I loved you, which is when the stars began to fall down upon me, leaving craters in my soul.
Your whispers, your form and figure in the night were mine and mine only. We went deeper, entwining even our souls, every ounce of spirit we had was given. But in finding those waters I forgot how to swim, and I began to drown in your presence from thereon out.

You set the night on fire that night. I saw you in that red dress, one of my favorites. It was weird, because all I could imagine was taking it off of you and bringing you closer to me. It was weird because by that point we were both sick and disgusted by each other's touch. Or so we said. No matter how far apart we slept on that mattress we would still wake up entangled, I'd always feel your hand creep close first. I'd always accept. I couldn't turn down such a touch, such a stoking of the flames in my soul. I thought I could never truly tire of it. But now that I'm here, after experiencing many more touches, I've realized a lot. Mainly, that you didn't deserve that, and I shouldn't have accepted. But looking back on it regretfully won't help, will it? So I'll just pretend it was worth it, until I feel that sensation again.

I remember that night. I felt weird after getting home from you, and went to take a shower. I took off my shirt and saw the prints of your kisses, your lipstick stained on me, my chest. In the darkness that night I thought your lipstick was black, but then I saw in the light that it was actually a very dark tint of purple, which was my favorite color. You knew that.
     Looking back on that I feel alone. But not the sad, "just want someone to cuddle with" kind of loneliness, but the kind of loneliness mankind will most likely feel in a few centuries, having made no contact with anything extraterrestrial. Sending out its signals, only to receive silence that could break any eardrum with its volume, receiving no word that we aren't as alone as we think. Hopefully, we aren't.
Hopefully, I'm not.
Until we hear the call, the signal, we'll only hope that we aren't the only one of our kind out there.
Just like I hope.

I've always felt darkness, poking at my insides, but now, it's trying to rip me apart at the seams.
And for once it seems to be winning, and for once I don't know if I care.

Im still stuck inside the two way mirror,
Still staring at myself,
Still seeing nothing.