I'm not a put out cigarette at the end of a rough day,
Your midnight **** on the torn up couch because you were lonely,
I'm not an excuse for you to pretend you don't care,
Your extra blanket that gets thrown on the floor when it's too warm.
I'm not your second choice,
I'm my own last,
And that already makes my mind spin far too fast.

It's 3 in the morning
My mind is racing
All I crave is someone's touch
Someone's skin against mine
The comfort of another's warmth and rhythmic breathes
To lay my head on their chest and listen to their heart beat
Until my breathing syncs with their every inhale
Every exhale
Simply at ease with my thoughts
And every worry subsided

How can one sleep so much, but still never feel awake?
Be surrounded by many, but still feel so alone?
Eat so little, and still feel disgusted?
Have much to do, yet no ambition exists?
Be living, but not feel alive
Why, the tormented world feels as if it is an everlasting oxymoron
and quite frankly, I am not very fond of it.

Thinking there was nowhere left to go
With tears streaming down her sickly pale cheeks
The torn threads she will not sew
While much needed help she refuses to seek

She plucked each pedal with frigid fingers
Ingested the sweet scent with a nose much too pink
Yet the smell of unforgiving acetone still lingers
Further into loneliness she begins sink

As if she were being lured by an anchor
Down to the bottom for eternity
Now numb, the heavens will take her
And return her endangered sanity

There once displayed a canvas
with dignity not so visible
and confidence slipping by the second
The pain and suffering destroyed the once pure piece of art
Left behind nothing, but an ash coated canvas with no embers to be found.

I spend my time alone, aimlessly wandering around
Observing the trees, and the way clouds move through the sky without glancing back.
I spend my nights surrounded by darkness
Except for the remaining embers of a lit cigarette, my cigarette.
I've never quite understood
Why what I find comfort in, always tares me apart.
All I know is I let you effortlessly break me above all things,
And I knew deep down you couldn't be trusted
But I guess it's the thrill of being broken that keeps me coming back.

Smoke another cigarette
Lay me under the stars
Taste the whiskey on my breath
Kiss all of my scars
Give me a memory I won't forget
Up each thigh
Something I'll wonderfully regret
Down each wrist
This feeling I have missed

The scent of you still lingers
The ever so gentle comfort of your warmth is now bare
The droning of the fan replaces your steady breathe
The aching subsiding slowly, but not near fast enough
Why does the bed feel so empty
And the room now quiet
If only you stayed a while longer dear
If only you could see the mess I've become

The majority of people are blind,
Arrogant,
Swallowed up in their own ignorance,
And the rest too consumed with reality to admire the beauties of the world.
There's yet to meet someone in between that understands the pain,
The pain of being aware of the horrors in the world,
Yet also finding calm in the storm.
The pain of not being able to share the bitter sweet emotions that are subsided.
It's so lonely stuck in between
**** is it lonely

I finally reach up for a gasp of air
but something drags me further down into the blue abyss
now too much space separates the water and the surface
and all that's left is a life filled of remorse and
my worthless body
floating aimlessly through the sea.

It's okay to break, to shatter

to loose control until you've veered off the path
to drown your feelings with a bottle of *****
to chase down your sorrows with far too much sleep

Loosing control is what makes us human
and breaking a mere sign of being capable to fix
so break if you must
and loose control as you need.

After a while that fictitious smile would drift
And she’d soon realize that no one gave a ****
So up went her hands, trembling with a fully-loaded gun
As agonizing thoughts flooded her mind to the point where she drowned, and there was nowhere left to run
But little did she know darling that life goes on and days get brighter
If only she were still around to show em’ all a sincere survivor,
a hell of a fighter.

And even though she thought the water was pulling her under
the waves were drifting her gradually back to shore.

Something about the eyes
The "window to a person's soul"
The truth behind a disguise
A mystery solved.

Eyes have importance
A purpose
Not just sight, but to reveal
To express
To connect.

Eyes convey sensuality
A sign of tension;
Of lust
The vulnerability of letting someone in
Letting someone care.

The trust
The bare emotion and thought
Left out to dry
To wither
Until water comes again
Comes to quench the thirst.

This thirst
Thirst for "love"
Thirst for sight.

The thirst of **eyes

I made a mistake
Once it was poorly made
The thread began to slowly unwravel.
After a while it all fell apart
One by one
Until there was nothing left.

You, you are mine
And I want to try
Try to understand
Why you
Of all people
Want to hold my hand.
I'm a ******* wreck
Yet you still want to kiss my neck
And you do everything
So effortlessly
So why
Oh god why be with me

I remember being a little kid, having no cares in the world
so ignorant and full of life
there was a glimmer of hope always in my eyes
I wanted nothing but the best for everyone around me
Then you happened
You stole my innocence
Now the glimmer is gone and i can't see straight
Everything is a blur, and I can't find the beauty in little things
The once pure, white canvas is now black, coated with ashes.
It all started with one act of trust
I let you in, was fooled into caring
And you destroyed it.
For years I've dealt with the guilt and horrid memories of your rough hands taking advantage of me
It wasn't much, but it was enough
more than enough
Your fingernails left scars on my inner thighs.
I can't get rid of your mark..
I'm forever haunted by you

And these are the nights
The nights spent in silence
Overwhelmed with discomfort

And these are the days
Full of nothing
But the thoughts flooding

These are the years
Left with constant pain
And remorse to rely on

This is life.

A routine
That is far too familiar.
Far too **wasted

There are mornings when the windchimes remind me of your voice
And all anyone else hears is a meaningless noise

I can feel your presence linger no matter where I go
It's hard to believe that you're no longer here with me, at home

I remember when you'd sit beside me and listen to me sing
You wouldn't speak until every
Last note had stopped to ring

It's hard to believe that your every
last breathe has ended
There is no way my emotions and thoughts could be mended

So now I sit out staring
Staring at the mournful moon
If only you could've lived a little longer
You left too soon...